In defense of the Fairy Tale

MANILA, Philippines - I don’t think it’s anti-feminist to choose love.”

Just the other day, I was watching Cinderella. It was such a visually sumptuous and unabashedly romantic diversion that I actually found myself smiling in my seat in anticipation. And laughing hard when even Disney proclaimed the ballet flat “dead.” Lily James’ saccharine sweet portrayal of the heroine might usually have turned me off, but this Cinderella was syrupy without being sticky. Her quiet resilience belied a sort of strength that you couldn’t shout from the top of a mountain. It was certainly better than the dopey 1960s Cinderella we knew long ago. James holds her own against the impossibly chic and wickedly opulent Cate Blanchett, whose flawless ensembles and jewelry were consistently at par with her acting. She didn’t become the Wicked Stepmother.  The role absolutely became her. And she made Swarovski look expensive.  Floored by the whole spectacle, I walked out of the theater feeling more inspired by true love than ever. But why is it that society is so skeptical of the Cinderella story? I think we have to be confident that our girls are smart enough to see past the damsel-in-distress archetypes of the past and glean the right lessons from this tried-and-tested tale that, in 2,000 years, simply won’t go away.

  As modern women, I suspect that we like to think that we don’t take fairy tales to heart.  In my generation, we’re taught to do better than the boys at school. We encourage each other to surpass them in the work place. We’re making ourselves stable and independent — even planning for our familial futures with less and less of a thought to our Prince whose late arrivals we are no longer primarily concerned with. And why shouldn’t we?  We’ve been kissing frog after frog and at the end of the day, it hasn’t brought many of us closer to tall, dark and handsome. Why depend on a man when the world is allowing us more and more avenues to be the champions of our own fairy tales?  Maybe we’ve already come far enough to have accomplished that part of the story that it’s already a given. 

KISSING FROGS

Let’s face it: this is a murky pool we’re swimming in. If you aren’t already paired up, the city can be a sad place to be kissing frogs. Particularly when a number of them are essentially tadpoles. That’s not a hateful comment toward our local boys whose parents still pay for their cellphone plans, live under their parents’ roofs, and swipe their Polo club cards as overage dependents. That’s just my own truth and maybe that’s my fault. I still get my hair blown out at the Polo salon because it’s “free,” but whatever.

Regardless of the quality of available men, how ridiculously hard is it to be single these days? We are all so busy running after our second (or third) degrees, careers, and making plans to freeze our eggs at St. Luke’s by the age of 30 that it seems almost embarrassingly anti-feminist to sit around and think about true love. And rightly so, considering all the realities of this left-and-right swipe world — analog or otherwise. That’s not to say that we don’t have time for it. The brunch topic at every girls’ table is often a carousel of guy drama (or DPs) overanalyzed by each member in attendance.  But that’s more of a pastime. When was the last time that a sensible girl you knew put it all on the line (or took it all off the table for love) if she was put in a position where she had to choose?  When did reality make us all so cold? Or so smart.

ZOLUSHKA

A quick pop over to Google shows you that the most searched keywords for global style star and new Fashion Week darling Lena Perminova — aside from Instagram — is “husband.”  Sure, her claim to fame is most certainly an enviable IG account financed lovingly by Russian oligarch Alexander Lebedev who just happened to rescue her from a Russian prison. But why should that count against her? It was a Russian prison, for God’s sake! He may be a little accelerated in age and probably wisdom, but isn’t that an even better love story? Do we sometimes forget that love can sometimes just be love (with a little extra)? And sometimes a woman just wants to be shown his secret place, pushed on a swing, and taken for a dance.  A waltz, preferably. It’s just that much more cinematic. 

But because that is an easy fairy tale, perhaps we should examine one that was not so. Wallis Simpson’s story is often referred to as one of an “American Cinderella” as she was the woman for whom a king abdicated his throne and essentially turned his back on his country. By all accounts, it looked glamorous enough with the Cartier panther jewels, Schiaparelli’s lobster dress, and endless medley of holidays at fashionable resort retreats. Wallis and Edward still chose each other, knowing quite well that their future lay in what was essentially exile. It takes a special kind of courage and nobility to have a plethora of options and opportunities in life, but still choose the most nebulous, inconvenient, unquantifiable thing in the world. Love. It’s like finding good shoes to last you all night at a ball — but harder.

IF THE SHOE FITS

Looking out at the Concha promenade at twilight, a kind stranger in San Sebastian — evidently grieving over the loss of his ex to a job in New York — told me something that even my abysmal memory has not yet forgotten. “When two people fall in love and stay together, it’s a rare miracle because they found each other at the right moment in both of their lives and they can be together.”

I don’t think that the fairy tale is the Prince saving the persecuted heroine. It’s not about uplifting her existence as if she couldn’t do it on her own. I think the fairy tale is finding love and keeping it in this miserably modern world.The fairy tale is choosing love.