Looking back to look forward

I was never somebody who made New Year’s resolutions. One major reason is that I end up forgetting them after a few days and never really following up on any of them. However, just before the clock strikes 12 as we celebrate the New Year, I have the habit of looking back at the year that passed. If you were to ask me how the past year was, I would say that it was probably the most difficult, heartbreaking, wonderful, best year of my life. Here are some of the top things I had learned from this past year:

Change

I hated change. I was the type of person who liked staying in the realm of the familiar. I liked my routine of getting up the same time every day and putting on the blue and white uniform I’ve worn for the past 12 years. I eat almost the same type of food each meal and would even prefer eating KFC every day (the best chicken in my opinion), rather than trying out new places.

Then 2012 came and change was all around me. I had to graduate from high school and leave everyone and everything that I had known and loved. I had to let go of the place that I had called home for the last 17 years. To say that I was scared was an understatement. I was terrified.

I felt so lost. I didn’t know anyone and had the worst sense of direction. I remember that I had to use Google maps to go from one class to another in college. But never in my life had I learned as much as I had in those four months. I got to meet people from all corners of the globe: from Alaska to Greece to London to China. I got to learn from professors who had all earned their PhDs in the most prestigious universities in the world.

I was in the same class with someone who wanted to create a cure to delay one’s physical aging and someone whose biggest dream in life is to join the Peace Corps. Everyone around me was my age, but they all wanted to be somebody. I was amazed every single day to be surrounded by people with that much ambition and passion. People used to tell me to reach for the skies, but this experience taught me to go beyond the skies.

The people I encountered inspired me to go deeper and think further. Even though I was reluctant to enter this new environment, I believe it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. If we just stay in our comfort zone, how will we ever learn about the millions of opportunities lying outside our own world? Change may be hard, but it’s the only way that we can grow.

Fears

I am the furthest thing from a thrill seeker.

I am scared of heights and would probably never forgive you if you dragged me to ride a roller coaster. But there I was standing on top of a 20-foot pole and had to jump to grab on to an iron ring hanging about five feet away. Until now I still wonder, “What in the world was I thinking?”

It was part of our college orientation adventure and we were all given the option if we wanted to go hiking and try the ropes course. My initial reaction to this was that no way in a million years would I try something like that. But then I watched one girl from my group do all of these activities. She hiked, went rock climbing (literally climbing the side of a mountain) and jumped from those high poles multiple times. She had the biggest smile on her face and looked like she was having the time of her life.

One thing you should know about this girl is that she is blind. But the more striking thing about her is that she doesn’t let that stop her. You couldn’t even tell that she had a disability. She would be one of the first volunteers to every activity. She didn’t even show an ounce of fear in any single moment. Meeting her somehow triggered this irrational impulsive thing inside of me that caused me to be on top of this wooden pole. My heart was beating so fast and I thought I was at the brink of passing out. I was standing there for about five minutes and the people on the ground were telling me to get a move on (in a polite way, of course). I closed my eyes and I jumped. I was not even close to reaching that iron ring, but it was the best feeling in the world.

We’re all scared of something. Some might be scared of the world coming to and end or of things like rats and insects. Fears are normal, but the biggest mistake we will ever make is if we let these fears control us. This is what the girl I encountered taught me. You create your fears so you must have control over them. You control your fears, you control your life.

Go for it

I could stop anytime. No one would care if I did. I’m not a runner, but I joined a marathon. There were a lot of times where I wanted to just stop and walk, but I kept pushing. I didn’t stop and even though I didn’t finish first or anything, I felt great.

For the first time in my life, I was living on my own. No one told me what to do and I made decisions for myself. I could have just eaten my heart out and slept all day. I could have just wasted my time and not concentrate on my studies. But where would I be if I did all of that? Probably 50 pounds heavier and not happy at all.

I learned to do all my work without anyone telling me to. I learned to finish up all my requirements, without any teacher scolding me. If I want to achieve something, I have to do everything in my power to make sure I reach that goal. I don’t aim for things that give me instant satisfaction, but things that will give me the more lasting permanent rewards.

That’s why I keep running and keep going. I do not do things because somebody tells me to; I do things because I want to. Success is rooted in how much one wants it and how much one is willing to do for it.

Blessed

I can honestly say I was the happiest I had ever been. The best indescribable feeling is going out of the airport and smelling the Manila air that I’ve always known and loved. You really don’t learn to appreciate a good thing until it’s gone. Having your own shower after spending four months in a communal comfort room is incredible. Sleeping in your own bed after falling several times off a high-rise bed in a dormitory felt heavenly. During my last few months before I left for college, I made sure that I got to spend time with every person who is so special to me. During this Christmas break, I celebrated it surrounded with all these people. The year 2012 made me realize how lucky I am to have the best friends and family that I could have ever asked for.

I have also lost a lot of people during the past year. Devastated, at first I could not imagine life without them. But after some time, I felt grateful. I realized that I am so lucky to have met these people who had given me so many memories that I will never forget. You can either concentrate on the things you have lost or think about the things that you are so lucky to have. 2012 taught me to focus on the latter.

The past year was not smooth, but it was a year filled with no regrets. As we welcome 2013, let us accept fresh starts, but never forget the things we had learned the past year. Here’s to the new beginnings, heartaches, triumphs, struggles and memories we will have in 2013. This will be your year.