The secret professors

A few months ago I bumped into two old friends in Amsterdam. I first met them at a Viktor & Rolf party in 2001. At that time they were assisting in the building of sets for fashion shows while doing their own brand of agit-prop performance painting in galleries and underground clubs. We decided to have a drink at one of my favorite haunts, their flat.

Philippine STAR: What are you up to these days?

Valter: Yes

I love you too. Great way to start an interview isn’t it?

Matthes: Yes.

V: Are we really doing anything new? Same old, same new – rock band, painting, criticism, teaching, hustling for better deals..

M: We are doing something very new and pretentious by making exclusive use of second-hand images and words. In mimicking preconceived symbols and speech.

V: I thought you were about to say we were thieving from somebody like Andy Warhol and Taylor Mead because then I would have to terminate this interview.

Of course you have discovered a novel way of using preconceived images and spoken words. Different artists could use the same idea in many different ways.

V: We just like to see things used and re-used. It appeals to our multicultural and polysexual background.

M: And why should we be original? Why can’t we be non-original?

Is that what your art is about, liking things and proliferating likenesses of your likings?

M: It’s liking things.

V: And liking things is like being a robot slave.

M: Because you do the same thing over and over.

V: And over! Everything’s over and done with.

Then you continue? Do you like liking the same thing?

M: Yes, because it’s all fantasy. Its hard not to be non-creative and its also difficult not to ponder on what we do as creative, or hard not to be called artistic since everyone is always rambling about that and individuality. Everybody’s being creative these days. All these people who are very talented should really lessen their talent. Everybody is just too good now, I think. There are thousands of actors and they’re all pretty good. Millions of sculptors and they’re all pretty good. You should be able to make clothes, play the guitar, make a video and read the Bible without feeling guilty that you’ve given up something.

V: Giving up something is good. I think the artists who aren’t very good should become like everybody else so that people would like things that are a bit substandard. It’s happening now, in TV and politics especially.

Did you watch a lot of TV growing up? Where are you guys from originally?

M: Cologne, Germany. I was really into Sesame Street and Leni Reifenstahl’s films.

V: I was born in Malmo, Sweden. I still don’t watch TV, I just read about them.

Were you painting at that time already?

M: Yes. I put tracing paper on the TV screen and copy Big Bird then layer it with Adolf Hitler hugging a toddler. It was copy painting really. I wasn’t very good. But my loser friends and rich collectors love it so no complaints.

V: I started painting much later. I was more interested in archaeology and philosophy back then.

One of the things people talk about regarding your work – be it art, music or fashion ˆ is the question of theme, where do you get them from?

M: Uh, no.

You don’t?

M: Uh, no.

Are they simply images or objects that move you?

V: Yes

And they’re chosen at random?

V: Yes

When I saw your show in Brussels there was a gallery three doors down, and they had the same paintings as yours in their window with a sign that said, "Buy the real thing here."

M: Oh we would have bought those.

Plus the sign, let’s not forget signs.

What’s your work ethic?

V: Get up. . .

M: And leave.

Did you have problems working with other powers-that-pretend-to be? The art, music, fashion world can get very catty.

M: We are our own bosses and slaves.

You never deal with people face-to-face?

M: We employ stand ins, they’re just more physically stunning and intellectually dull. Business executives, socialites and critics love them. If we’re dealing with a Japanese curator, we hire a Japanese model. If it’s a Russian director, we get a Russian beauty as well. Never an American. In both scenarios.

V: I hate being photographed or talking to clients in person. I wouldn’t get any work done if I do this – punches exchanged, wine glasses hurled.

Its almost like you have a secret profession. If you had another secret profession, what would that be?

V: Vice president of the United States.

M: Saddam’s tailor. Or Charlie of Charlie’s Angels.

Why should anyone hire you?

V: Because I’m creative and honest.

M: I’m dependable and sincere.

Does society owe you anything?

Both: Of course.

M: Plus that rich bitch of a duchess still owe us money for her third wedding.

If you are happy doing what you do, why should you be paid for it?

M: Have you met the Duchess? It’s not happy, believe me.

V: Yes we are happy doing what we do. Getting paid just makes our bank manager happier. We’re very generous that way.

If you are unhappy, should you be paid for this?

Both: Yes.

Who should not be allowed to be paid?

M: People with talent.

Why?

M: Because they can get away it, they’re good. It’s easy for them.

If you were stupid, could you still be doing what you are doing?

V: Yes.

If so, why do you do it?

V: Because we’re not very intelligent.

If not, should you be compensated for this?

V: Yes.

Should very stupid people be compensated?

Both: Absolutely.

M: Where would this world be if not for mediocrity and ignorance?

Okay that’s about it I guess. Thanks. Here’s your 20 euro each.