What’s In a Name?

Take a good look at that byline. It’s my name up there and this article is all about me not liking it. I ask friends to introduce me to new acquaintances as "Louie" so it’ll be easier to remember. Of course, the next time anybody mentions the name Louie Pilapil to the new acquaintance, s/he would assume that I was the cool guy s/he had a drink with a few days ago, given that s/he wasn’t struck by my sunshiny personality.

However, I’ve always thought that "Louie" is easier to recall than "Louie-An" with a dash, capital "A" and a single "N"! I am always met by curious stares from clerks or ill-tempered government employees whenever I hand them a form I had just filled up. It’s especially frustrating when I give my name to someone over the phone and have to repeat the "dash-capital-A-single-N" routine.

I’ve checked out books that had the meaning of every name on earth from Anna to Zebedee and my name’s meaning is derived from "Louise". It was the closest I got to finding out what kind of person somebody with a name like mine will turn out to be. I quickly forgot what "Louise" meant because I realized how silly the entire idea of one’s characteristic being determined by one’s name was. And besides, my actual name wasn’t on it so why bother?

I am often mistaken to be male. My name is often misspelled. I once joked that if a guy got the spelling of my name right on his first try, I’ll marry him. Remember, it was a joke. I don’t want to end up alone, knitting sweaters on a rocking chair.

What’s in a name, really?

It is how people know you by. Sometimes, they even make it the basis of your personality. Would a girl go out with a guy named Cornelio Surot? Sean Cuñejo? Ben Apeng Daldal?

If I am to dissect my entire being on the basis of my name, this will be my analysis:

Louie-An. Like my name, I can be weird. My moods are as unpredictable as the fortune in fortune cookies. I have both feminine and masculine qualities, both the Louie and the An; caring and sensitive, forceful and aggressive. I can be the center of attention one minute and invisible the next, though I prefer to be unseen most of the time for reasons still unknown to me. What is constant is the desire to create and appreciate the creation of others. My mind wanders off too far sometimes that I lose track of my surroundings. I always long to be somewhere but the place I’m in -- and fast. There’s a free spirit trapped inside this body and it aches to get out and explore the world.

I had a habit of being too attached to people, places, events and movies. I can watch Dead Poets Society over and over for two days straight without dropping dead. I get happy with the mere mention of Matt Damon’s name. Or Ralph Fiennes. Or Hugh Jackman. My choice of men is narrowed down to three: preppy Damon, serious Fiennes or shamelessly sexy Jackman. This pretty much gives you an idea on how pathetic my life had become since these three men entered my life (or more accurately, my daydreams). Am I still on the subject of my name? Oh, one more thing. I digress and get confused all the time, which illustrates how my mind works. If you have a name as confusing as mine, you’ll be messed up, too.

I am many things: neurotic, simple, panicky, worrisome. I can also be self-absorbed, thus this article. I use the word "I" a lot, don’t I?

Writing about myself sure beats spelling my name too many times. I’ve spent a large part of my life hating my name so I figured bringing my displeasure out in the open might lessen my dislike a bit. It’s working.

At least, I was able to realize that I can make fun of my name better than anybody else.

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E-mail the author at lmpilapil@philtown.com.ph. Image courtesy of Young Star Magazine.