Senti-Mental

Argee was never one to stake a claim on male sentimentality. Although he decided to trade that off for a dash of good looks and a hand in grey matter (to the frightful objection of Honey), the feminine touch was surely something he left under the rug. He thinks being senti is as corny as any mais ambulant vendor can ever be...

Maybe his mother loved him a bit too much, or maybe a bit too little. Maybe too much protein in the childhood diet or too much gao in his gao-gao. Or maybe too many reruns of Dirty Harry had gone so far as to vacuum all remaining estrogen from his system. Or the fact that the courtroom as a constant working environment comes as a bit too tasking on any semblance of femininity ("I mean, just take a look at Honey — Argee).

Whatever it is, it ain’t doing much for Argee’s chances of winning this year’s Mr. Sentimentality (although his childhood dream remains, as of this day, to play the kid brother-role to Janice de Belen in Flor de Luna). But don’t mistake Argee for one of those dying breeds of chauvinistic, advocates of male dominion over all species and prototype patriots of all-that-is-phallic, because he’s had the chance to jump through those sentimental hoops himself.

The Court’s profuse apologies, but this fine young hunk of a man ("Owww pleeeease" — Honey) is happily taken, and has had his own share of Valentine’s gifts and anniversary planning ("Gift? Oh, you mean that pile of letter-envelopes which contain spent bullets and black ribbons you send out to those girls who jilted you ?" — Honey).

Surely, you can’t expect to keep a lady without spending a bit of quality time and a clip or two of Aguinaldos to back it up. Argee has, of course, had personal tussles with the fundamentals of modern foreplay; flowers, chocolates, an outfit or two. Heck, he even sent a banana peel to his high school crush with the soggy message, "I peel por you ..." (Major yuck!) But when it comes to incorporeal manifestations of one’s true affection — don’t place your bets just yet ladies and gentlemen — we’re in for a mighty quick fight.

And yet, to pin all the blame of lack of sentimentality on Argee alone does seem to skip over the point altogether. Put more bluntly, it actually hurdles right over the point. Over seven out of 10 women in Metro Manila have admitted that their partner (assuming, of course that their partner just so happens to be male) suffers from a lack of sentimentality. Although they go on to admit that they do fulfill the superficial needs of a relationship — remembering certain dates, keeping important promises — sentimentality, they claim, cuts a bit deeper than some old-fashioned Casablanca-style piano playing.

It’s all about lambing.

Now, it’s quite obvious that by the period of the previous sentence, a majority of the men have already started shifting in their seats, all ready to take a swing in defense of their ability to be malambing. However, a fine line must be drawn between sweet, harmless lambing and a sexual advance: two different elements altogether, but something most men tend to mix up with alarming frequency. Unfortunately, flawless sleight of hand also takes into consideration just exactly what it is you’re "sleighting" and why is it you’re "sleighting" to begin with.

It isn’t simply a matter of modesty, respect and proper lambing decorum. First and foremost (and this goes for the males, most especially) by getting a man’s motives straight, it cushions him from any disappointments in the long run; seeing that he’s not expecting anything from such intimate contact, and rubs off any signs of pressure on the girl. It keeps the playing field clean, happy and wholesome.

After all, guys have this rather weird but particular trait that psychologists call "stonewalling," which refers to a male’s sudden passive behavior when under heavy scrutiny or (more appropriately stated for this column) cross-examination. The endangered male will quickly resort to seemingly indifferent behavior to the situation at hand, treating any problem as some sort of an ugly lizard that will go away if he stood perfectly still; only taking a more active standpoint when put under direct threat.

Although this type of "defense mechanism" is actually not too bad an escape plan, completely cutting off communication from your partner is actually a tad ludicrous. Just like texting, it’s always about being inter-connected. It surely doesn’t help to sit out an argument when you have something constructive to say on your behalf (And that goes for the girls as well) — granted of course that tempers remain low, and that lines are well-delivered.

However, is the death of male sentimentality a gender truth or a mere male myth? When it comes to the s-word, women cannot not have a hand in the situation; even if it is the male half they’re dealing with.

In defense of Argee and all others who are constantly battered by the accusation of not being in touch with their inner "woman"; it is a possibility that males aren‚’t necessarily unsentimental, but rather, women are a notch too sentimental. It surely wouldn’t do the world any more good if both genders resorted to tissue fests and huggie-wuggies whenever they could. Who would the world blame for its insensitivities then? Although a bit of emotion never killed anyone; overemotion is actually a known medical symptom for psychological disorder.

Males would then be a strike in the sentimental balance of the world. Seeing as how crazy the world already is in its current state, an overdose of sentimental attachment is something the planet can greatly do without. It just keeps things in a healthy and objective perspective. Besides, if all males were as sentimental as their female counterparts would idealize them to be, what use would there be for the "gay best friend"?

The level of "perfect sentimentality" is a long way off from the ground below, with the women having their heads stuck up too far in the clouds (which might explain the apparent connectivity to sentimentality). Women mistake a lot of men to be all business, not having the time to smell the roses of the relationship and go lollygagging about as they fumble through the yellow brick road of romantic life. Then again, if everyone did stop to smell the roses, who’d be the one to keep an eye out to see if the yellow brick road were still there?

But men enjoy a romantic evening with that special someone just as much as women do. To not give Argee or any other individual the benefit of the doubt is just as good as marking the entire testosterone laden lot of them as carnal, instinctive and purely procreative (then again, some truth could lie in that). Besides, it’d always be the women who are crazy enough to fall in love with them.

Sock sentimentality.