The Girls’ Powder Room

Nobody enjoys walking the earth alone. This fact is fortified by the whole story of creation – you know, the part where God fractures man’s rib to come up with a companion to make his existence more bearable? (Anyone willing to contest this part should be more than willing to swing the homosexual way, or wank off for the rest of his life, at the very least!)

Yes, we girls know how to love and cherish the opposite sex. Apparently, that’s what we’re here for. But you must realize that we won’t say "yes, honey" all the time. We’ve mastered the art of getting over breakups and starting from scratch all over again. We’re actually very good at it.

Here’s a little peek into the powder room where all women converge and talk about him, her, and everything in between.

On being single…

Although single blessedness definitely counts for something in the close-to-martyrdom scale, the regular Joe and Anne cannot go on for too long without the need for some loving.

By loving, we mean sex. Yes, sex is equally important to us. We just don’t let it control our thoughts, feelings and hanging body parts. When we’re not having it, chances are we don’t delve into it. It’s just a fitting piece into the grand puzzle of amore. Although it would be nice to see the accomplished puzzle framed and displayed for everyone to admire, it’s not a cause for suicide to have chips in the grand picture here and there. Sometimes, the honesty bit disappears. The understanding slice is one of the hardest to find. Compassion is usually a special piece that takes months to order. When the sex chips go missing, however… we know where to find it. In the meantime, we fill the "companion" void by having our trusted estrogen posse. We know our needs, and are more than willing to be each other’s stronghold. Besides, girls always have a blast when they’re together!

So guys, don’t be compelled to believe the fact over not having that special someone." We may check out a perky butt that passes our way or revel in a great set of abs… but in around 2.2 seconds, we shift to a more interesting topic. Like world peace.

On dating…

So here’s when you make a better dent in our topic of conversation. A girlfriend is giddy as hell that you mustered up the courage to ask her out to, you know, hang. You automatically get a check mark for having a hint of balls.

We first tend to size you up on account of your outward appearance. So please, even though your day would only consist of being with the guys at the mall, be aware that there are eyes watching. And making initial judgements, at that. Next, we check out the "network." Background checks are always good. And this isn’t just any small time operation here! We’re talking "where is he from," "who’d he date last" or "who has he slept with" … information worthy of making us your biographer team extraordinaire! So when you feel irked when your date’s friends are giving you that all-too-familiar knowing grin… you’re not just being paranoid. Chances are we know all your dirty secrets.

But don’t flatter yourself too much. All these only took up a good 10 minutes of chat time. The other hour and 50 minutes were dedicated to other things… like what would be the best "first date" outfit, where to go, what lipstick best flatters tan skin, what bra would be easily accessible to a neophyte boylet…

On going steady…

Now this is where things get all-out unpredictable. The whole Mars/Venus factor comes in as words and actions are highly scrutinized – yet totally susceptible to misinterpretation.

The famous "I’ll call you" equals "I’m calling you the minute I get home to tuck you in and tell you I had a wonderful time" in breast lingo. And why shouldn’t it? Isn’t it the polite thing to do?

And what about that classic "I like you al lot" number? Now what are we going to assume with that one? The easiest thing to do is take it at face value, right? Then the next issue pops up. Does it mean that seeing other people is out of the question?

At this point, the only word we, women, find truth in is con-fu-sion! Since men don’t really care to expound on things, and women won’t necessarily ask, the whole period from after the third date ‘til around a full year later is a whole gray area of unanswered questions.

It may work for you but we chicks, are continually trying to come up with a whole new language … just so that everything is crystal clear … and nobody gets hurt.

Check on us in a few years. As of now, we’ve barely finished the intro into the damn book.

On fighting…

You sure you want to hear this? IT’S YOUR FAULT!

And, until the bloody end of time, it will always be your fault. You’re not sensitive enough to our needs. You never listen. You don’t have enough time for us. Blah blah blah.

Trust that your chicks crew will never side with you. (Unless there’s a snake in the grass who secretly digs you. Then again, why would she help your relationship out?) But that’s not the point.

Focus, boy! To avoid all-out male bashing, try to keep the peace whenever you can. Imagine all the passionate action you get out of that!

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Surely, you boys tend to wonder what the hell God was thinking when He decided to create such a screaming contradiction – a potential lifelong companion who won’t let you live long enough due to permanent cranial damage.

Don’t blame us. We didn’t ask to be put here. Live with it.