Is this a new era of masculinity?

Men used to go to wars, donning bulletproof vests, operating massive artillery and dominating others. Some modern men, however, seem to have gone soft these days. They’ve started wearing makeup, sporting feminized clothing and flaunting egalitarian relationships.

Self-proclaimed alpha males complain about this shift in gender expressions. In their podcasts, short-form videos and social media posts, they ask: “What happened to men?” They zoom in on male influencers’ shiny nail polish or show photos like that of hit singer Harry Styles in a skirt or two-time Olympic gold medalist Carlos Yulo in a crop top. Men used to be tough, stoic and aggressive, they would say. Now, they’re saying men are “as threatening as a houseplant.”

It’s not just the alpha males who are raising alarm. Conservative women are also asking, “Where are all the masculine men?” Some are concerned that “feminized men” are indicative of the deterioration of traditional family values and are afraid that modern men are no longer capable of protecting or providing for them.

Although I don’t share their apprehension, I can see where they’re coming from. With TikTok trends like “normalize men wearing makeup” participated in by Robi Domingo to Kyle Echarri’s trending appearance as guest judge in Drag Race Philippines, it’s easy to notice a shift in masculinity.

He’s so ‘babygirl’

In an episode of Saturday Night Live, Bowen Yang and Renee Rapp humorously described Jacob Elordi as a “babygirl.” Believed to have originated in stan culture, “babygirl” is an endearment to an attractive man (typically cis-heterosexual) perceived to be sweet, charming and in touch with his femininity.

Although the term is not commonly used in the Philippines, it may be considered to describe male celebrities like Joshua Garcia or Darren Espanto – heartthrobs whose public images exude boyish charm and endearing personality.

Gaining popularity in recent years, the moniker is a sharp departure from traditional notions of masculinity. It may seem demeaning because of the undertones of infantilization and feminization, but “babygirl” embraces softness and vulnerability in men. It celebrates men who are bravely exploring outside of masculine gender expressions.

Men perceived to be moving away from traditional masculinity, however, is not only evident in media personalities. A 2023 survey conducted by Bumble showed that one in four men have actively changed their behavior in their romantic connections. Described as open-hearted masculinity, according to the dating app, a quarter of the surveyed men have become more vulnerable with the people they’re dating.

Is there really a shift?

Despite online trends suggesting otherwise, toxic masculinity is still very prevalent. Take for example the prominence of the manosphere – an online community of “men’s rights” activists. They are dominated by male influencers whose content are mainly focused on reinforcing patriarchal masculinity. Disguised as motivational rethorics, they usually promote misogynistic behaviors and anti-feminist thinking – attacking female and queer personalities.

We also see this in politics. Our elections still heavily favor strongmen over more deserving women. Attacks on female politicians are still deeply gendered. In her presidential bid and term as a vice president, in spite of her credentials, Leni Robredo has been at the receiving end of sexist attacks often belittling her intelligence and leadership.

According to people-centered researcher and sociologist Leal Rodriguez, despite the long history of men challenging gender norms, the increasing visibility of men with more feminine gender identities does not necessarily signal a decline in toxic masculinity. “Cisgender heterosexual men can wear feminine clothes and makeup, but beat their partners. Men can be kind and caring, but still stay silent on LGBTQIA+ rights,” she said.

Rodriguez also noted that a man’s social class can influence how his less masculine gender expressions are received. Reactions to Yulo and Echarri wearing crop tops may be different to reactions to men wearing the same crop tops in some regions. “Traits aren’t the end all and be all. It comes down to power. That’s why it’s important to focus on the systems that create men over their individual traits,” she explained.

What now?

Masculinity is a social construct that varies across cultures and time periods. It’s not inherently bad or “toxic.” Many qualities associated with Filipino masculinity – such as strength, resilience and being the role of the “haligi ng tahanan” – can positively impact individuals and communities.

However, masculinity that reinforces patriarchy, a system where men hold power over other genders, is both restrictive and oppressive. This social system fosters a culture that disregards, normalizes or even justifies gender-based violence. But it’s not just women and queer people who suffer from patriarchy.

Although men benefit from this system, it also pressures them to avoid anything associated with femininity. As a result, men are forced to conform to rigid and harmful stereotypes and toxic behaviors. This includes suppressing very human emotions like sadness or vulnerability. Studies indicate that men are more likely to silently struggle with mental health issues, abuse drugs and alcohol, engage in risky behaviors and even take their own lives.

It’s important to note that men being masculine is not a bad thing, but to promote healthy masculinity, it’s essential to challenge patriarchal norms and embrace a more inclusive definition of manhood – one that treats women and queer people as equals. By cultivating a more nuanced understanding of masculinity, we can create a more equitable and just society.

As American author Bell Hooks writes in The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love, “In patriarchal culture, males are not allowed simply to be who they are and to glory in their unique identity. Their value is always determined by what they do.” The end of patriarchy, then, is the beginning of a world that empowers men to be their authentic selves and build stronger, more compassionate communities. This is a world where war and violence is not a barometer of masculinity. – philstarlife