Don’t like divorce, yes to divorce law

Divorce is still a contentious issue in this country, where the Roman Catholic Church still holds considerable sway regarding matters of morality, religion, and people’s choices. According to my research, the Philippines remains the only member state of the United Nations without legal provision for divorce.

The issue, however, no longer seems as contentious as it was over a decade ago, when talk of passing a divorce law immediately sent conservatives into fighting mode and was shot down at first sight in Congress. Today, as reports state, more Filipinos support the legalization of divorce for irreconcilably separated couples.

In the latest SWS survey, it was found that 50% of the respondents support the statement, “Married couples who have already separated and cannot reconcile anymore should be allowed to divorce so that they can get legally married again.” Some 31% disagreed with the statement, while 17% were undecided.

The results say a lot about the changing attitudes of our people toward failed marriages, with more people now accepting the fact that estranged couples should be allowed the choice to file for divorce. A divorce bill approved in the House of Representatives now awaits a Senate version.

I am interested as well as amused by this issue for several reasons, among them the fact that it has surprisingly divided the otherwise united front of the pro-Leni supporters' group that I belong to on social media. What used to be a page where members shared similar thoughts and stances on various national issues has become a platform for both pro- and anti-divorce members within the group.

I, for one, am quite hesitant to talk about this issue and reveal my stance, considering that I risk disappointing friends who have always been supportive of my progressive and liberal ideas but remain firm against the legalization of divorce in the country. However, as an opinion columnist, my job is to take a stand based on my innermost values and beliefs, not to satisfy people’s opinions or hold contrarian beliefs for the sake of it.

I am for the legalization of divorce in the country. However, I still say no to divorce as a way out for married couples who have lost love for each other through the years, especially when children are involved. Marriage may be regarded as a contract, but it is also a covenant, and, in fact, an institution. When it is in trouble, it should be saved. I believe that is where the wedding ‘ninongs’ and ‘ninangs’ come in in our culture. They are there to advise the couple, especially in times of trials and tribulations, and help save the marriage.

But, and here’s the big BUT, society should not deprive married couples, who in their layered and complex realities are compelled to make difficult choices, of the right to divorce and restart their lives, broken by infidelity, domestic violence, or years of physical and emotional abuse.

There is a law on annulment and nullity of marriage in the Philippines, but it is a burdensome, expensive, and time-consuming process based on very limited grounds. Anecdotally, the court has ‘de facto’ relaxed the standards in granting petitions for nullity of marriage, but its costliness and complexity make it anti-poor.

We should build a society that values and respects the institution of marriage, but that does not mean we must forbid divorce. People should have the freedom to make decisions about their own personal lives, especially if it means getting out of a life of social stigma and indignity in a legal union that, for all intents and purposes, has been rendered meaningless.