Whack-a-George

Say what you will about disgraced Congressman George Santos, but one can’t deny he’s a survivor. Like a phoenix that keeps getting reborn. Or perhaps, a better analogy, like that frustrating whack-a-mole that keeps popping up and popping up, just to irritate us, no matter how many times he’s whacked.

There’s already a litany of what’s wrong with Santos’ resume, and this column already devoted some valuable space on his foibles. And yet. Despite being exposed for the fraud he is, George Santos clung on to power. The term of Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy insulated Santos from expulsion, as McCarthy needed him to remain in power.

Even an expulsion called for by fellow Republicans didn’t manage to do the deed. His New York brethren were trying to salvage their reelection bids, and so they sought to savage George Santos. This was a way of distancing themselves from the scandal-prone Santos, but no dice. The Brazilian was able to survive another vote to expel, even if this was already led by men from his team.

Then the House Ethics Committee report came out. Salacious details of the findings came out. Imagine, he was using election campaign money to pay for Botox treatments and to pay for Onlyfans subscriptions! A man after my own kleptocratic fantasies!

Disappointingly, the gutter press wasn’t too concerned with rolling in the mud --no investigative report has come out as to which content creator Santos was paying to peek at. What a let-down. We could have been checking out the sexpot that was fueling George Santos’ creative juices. Was he black? Was he white? Was he Brazilian? Why, that sexy thang might just have ended up employed by the office of the congressman!

But with a new speaker installed, one who doesn’t seem to care how many votes he has to support his position as speaker, and with a renewed push from ethics committee members, Santos was finally expelled from the US House of Representatives. Finally, chapter closed. The fraud exposed, and then shown out the door. And we thought we would see the last of him.

Not just yet! Here comes George, the mole that he is, popping out of the woodwork with another stratagem --content creator!

This time, George is making big bucks. Personalized videos on Cameo! First charging 80 bucks a pop, George will now make a 1-minute video for you at the staggering cost of $500. Salon.com reports Santos is now making $80,000 a day --just by recording videos of his personalized shout-outs-- proving that bored idiots with a lot of money will spend it on dumb stuff just to get laughs.

Santos’ Cameo account describes him as a “former congressional icon” and as “the Expelled member of Congress from New York City”. Sample vids include a congratulatory speech on some “b*tch” birthing a new baby, and a rant on the Delaware justice system. Which I guess is meant to remind the consumer that Santos can be bought to spout on topics ranging from deeply personal to political. Whatever. It’s still a lot of money.

And here’s some more good news: Santos is diversifying. From Cameo, he’s going to sell subscriptions to X, formerly known as Twitter. For only $7 a month, Santos will “spill the tea” on the happenings in Congress, all the mud he witnessed, and hopefully, name names.

We can just imagine Santos surreptitiously recording conversations and jotting down notes during the thankfully brief period he was in Congress --and this is the time to make a pile of money from all that gossip! What a payback to the ungrateful institution that threw him out, right? Both Democrats and Republican congresspeople are probably squirming right now (as well as forking over the seven bucks to get the tea as soon as it’s spilled) while thanking the heavens they already kicked him out so no more dirt can be spilled.

Well, Santos has to generate loads of cash to pay for his legal bills. With multiple fraud indictments looming over him, Santos needs a slew of lawyers to represent him. Will he beat the indictments? Will he get out of jail?

It doesn’t matter. He can probably still make videos from his jail cell. Onlyfans content? Whack that mole!