I have always wondered what it is in a male that urges him to constantly prove his maleness. Since boyhood, men are pressured to act like men as if being a man shaves off one's humanity and makes guys turn into gods. No crying. No show of hurt. An eye for an eye. Leader. Provider. Driver. Commander. Weight lifter. Reservoir of stamina. Sex guru.
Hopefully there are changes now as generations become more tolerant as well as accepting of gender differences. Or is that the case?
Up to this millennial age, I still hear men relate their manhood to prowess. How many women they have dated or been with. How much drink they can chug-a-lug! How much weight they can carry. How much money they earn. How they subordinate their wives or collect girlfriends, and the list goes on and on. Even to this date, when men gather, their conversations run from business to sports to politics and eventually to women.
If with a group in a bar, a man is expected to order alcohol not softdrinks. If women are within reach and are attractive, or say, try to attract attention, a man usually is challenged to take the offered rope especially if other men around him start the cheer and prod him to pick the apple offered by Eve.
To refuse a woman is an insult to the male race. Perhaps those real men out there would contest and say that is no longer the case for men of this day and age. But the instinct to protect the male image remains as raw and reeks of...
What is your definition of man? Or to put it better, what defines a man? My answer is simple. When one stands his ground when he is right and humbles himself when he is wrong, that displays machismo. A man keeps his word. If he says he will deliver, he will, and if he cannot because of some circumstances, he will refuse. If he drinks, he will set his limits. He will not go overboard because others prod him to show his ability to hold his alcohol. He knows how to say “no” when lured to join lecherous activities or adventurous sessions of porn and pot.
I may be giving the point of view of a woman. So I asked some men, what to them is a man, and here are some answers they gave. For purposes of respect to privacy, I will not reveal their names.
“A man should go beyond masculinity or machismo. He should have control over himself and really represent himself as a human being. Be a pillar of strength as a husband or even as a boyfriend. Maintain his dignity and respect. A lot of perceptions have eroded how a man should be. For most of us men, it is a continuous process. One experience does not define who we are. But one needs to have an end goal. I would like to be a responsible, respectable provider for my family. I would like to go beyond myself to be a better person each time and to be more in control of myself.” As a man in business, this businessman wants to be discerning, committed, firm but humane.
“I think a man should go beyond his looks. What is being hunky compared to a good heart? All these things will fade. A real man in business has the conscience to serve others after himself. Greed is tempered with love and kindness towards his people. Looks is nothing when you die. To have a good legacy is what stirs the macho in me.” As a seasoned businessman who built his own empire, this businessman views bragging about being “macho” a total fluff. It is a sheen that covers what they truly are not.
“For me, being a man is being respectful. Being concerned of women to take note of their welfare. I want to take up this very important aspect of masculinity. It is to respect your wife; to make her respectable to your children and to society. It goes without saying that as you do this you are also focused in your business. Because you have a good foundation at home. Respecting women even in the workplace will also generate a culture of respect at work.” This coming from a very accomplished printer is an interesting note.
“A man is as good as his word. Credibility for a man is important. The happiest men in my sphere has two things in common. They have kept their family intact, and willing to be of service. And they give back to the community. A man’s machismo is defined by how he deals with himself. How responsible, respectful and real he is. He exudes strength, power and status not just in the physical sense, but the strength of spirit.” From a young and successful entrepreneur, whose physical machismo is palpable, it is heartwarming to know that there is no conceit there.
If machismo rules the business world, we better know what definition of a man our business partners have for somehow, their views define their character, and their way of doing things. So far, I am glad I am in the midst of those whose machismo falls in line with what God want man to be.