Being born on the very feast day of St. John the Baptist and being consequently named after him, I have since then developed a unique interest in Catholic saints and their lives.
Back in my grade school years, I would always devote a special time to read the Bible (our family actually has the English, Cebuano and Ilocano versions), especially the passages by the four evangelists—to the point our neighbors expected me to become a priest someday.
For the record, I did not take up philosophy or theology. I’m not a priest today nor am I planning to become one in the near future. But having been brought up in a family whose ancestry unfailingly practiced the teachings of Roman Catholicism, it came inescapable for me to also “practice the practice.”
To me, this was not a surprise. You see, our biological grandma, Lola Nating, is the most notable “mananabtan” in our barangay and probably the last among her bunch, while our grandpa, Lolo Dario, used to sit in religious activities as the guitar man of the barrio.
Our lineage has been taking charge of two of the three important fiestas in the barrio for over three decades now. I also think that the biggest religious icons in our locale are housed in my lola’s residence.
But I don’t know if my lola knows Pedro Calungsod, more so, that he is now a saint. If she does, then maybe she could add him to her long catalog of saints. If she doesn’t, I can’t blame her; she’s 75 years old with arthritis.
In spite of that, she remains to be a true-blooded Catholic. Heaven knows the many countless times she was into an argument with leaders from other religious sects in the name of her faith. That not in any way will she compromise this thing her elders bequeathed on her. “Natawo ko nga Katoliko, mamatay ko nga Katoliko,” her eternal line goes.
And everytime I see and hear lola do this—bravely declaring her strong Catholic faith—I become filled with inexplicable feelings of being proud of her. In these times, rarely would you see a person so firm in their faith. And so at the same time, I raise questions for myself about where my real faith, if any, stands.
As it turns out, I’m not the only youth in the world going through this “faith dilemma”. While others have proudly proclaimed themselves agnostics and atheists, a good number of our youngsters are still in the verge of crossing to the other side of the fence. They are the undecided, not necessarily doubtful, but ones having qualms, questions, and concerns that have to be answered.
It comes unfortunate to know that many of today’s youth are aimlessly looking for answers from their books. At least I understand that for something intangible, unquantifiable as faith, no scholarly book in the world could answer the questions plaguing in the mind of those who have reservations.
And I guess, this is key to understanding that faith is something personal. It may be learned or acquired but its very essence is rooted on a personal level. I think if we come to terms with this profound recognition, only then will we know that there is actually no need to answer those qualms, questions and concerns in the first place.
I must admit, I have gone through all the doubts in the past, but the beauty of faith is it’s all up to your call. Now you believe, now you don’t. It’s a long journey until you finally find the place where to settle.
Yesterday’s historic event at the South Road Properties helped me rekindle my inner faith. I know mine has not been a healthy faith all along but I’m happy at least for now to have done something to boost my spiritual wall.