Last month, a Pennsylvania grand jury report revealed a scandalous number of sexual abuses perpetrated by Catholic priests and seminarians. The details of the report shook the world. It gave antagonistic non-Catholics even more ammunition against the Church and caused devout Catholics to be shocked, ashamed and maybe even question their allegiance to the Church.
I was deeply disturbed when I first read the news. I ached for the children whose innocence was stolen from them. I was angered by the priests who broke their sacred vows. I was afraid thinking about the possibility of other abuses in other parts of the world. And then I grew sad thinking about the many good and holy priests and seminarians I had encountered in my life and how devastating it must be for them to hear about their brother priests.
And as I read the hateful comments at the end of the articles, I couldn’t help but wish for a definitive act of purification of the church – much like how Jesus cleared out the temple sellers with his righteous anger. I grew frustrated at the slowness of it all – the agonizing wait for the justice system to work not just in the US but in the whole world. “How long will it take?” I wondered. How much longer can we suffer?
I read articles and opinions from Catholics and non-Catholics all trying to make sense of the whole thing. I read Pope Francis’ letter and the responses to his letter. Not once did I think of leaving the Church, because it has always been clear to me that although the Church is holy because it was founded by Christ and because it administers the sacraments, it is made up of imperfect men and women such as myself. And that the scandals that the Church has caused are still not enough to wipe out the good it has done.
I do not know where to go from here. I wait with bated breath for what the Vatican will do and what the government will do and what the local church will do. In his letter, the Pope called for prayer and penance. I know that to some people it might seem strange. Why should we pray and do penance when we didn’t commit the sin?
But after much prayer and reflection, I realized it was only right. Prayer and penance are spiritual answers to a spiritual problem that has physical manifestations. And while I do agree that the perpetrators should face the full extent of the law, I cannot do anything at this point to enforce those same laws. But perhaps, I can, with my prayers, hasten Divine justice. And I can, as one Catholic writer put it, counter the infidelity of those priests with my fidelity to my vocation. And after that, maybe my course of action will become clearer.
I do not know what to expect now, only in what I hope for. Wherever this purification leads us, I return to what Jesus, who is the head of this church said: “…on this rock I will build my church and the jaws of hell will not prevail against it.”