Bonding with Grandparents

CEBU, Philippines - Nowadays it seems very difficult to imagine grandparents and grandchildren getting along well. That’s generally speaking, of course. But, really, the culture of most grandparents appears to be an ocean apart from their grandchildren.

The situation is alarming, because young people are supposed to turn to their elders for good counsel about life and living. The grandparents having seen so much of life already – compared with the younger ones – and thus have better wisdom and so much to share. But the reality is, sadly, very few young parents today ever turn to their own parents for help and support with child-rearing.

But it’s common knowledge how wonderful grandparents can be caring for the little ones in the family. Despite differences in parenting styles, grandparents can still do a lot of good for their children’s children. And thus a close relationship among the grandparents, the parents and the kids themselves can be very beneficial for them all.

Steven Dowshen M.D., writing at www.kidshealth.org, cites benefits in bonding with grandparents. He points out that establishing a bond with grandparents is great for kids in many ways. Grandparents, Downshen says, can be positive role models and influences, and they can provide a sense of cultural heritage and family history. Grandparents provide their grandkids with love, have their best interests at heart, and can make them feel safe, Downshen adds.

In acknowledging the fact the grandparents also encourage a child's healthy development, he gives an example that overnight trips to Grandma's house may be more enriching than sleepovers with peers. The ‘sternness’ of the old lady, he suggests, can help kids develop independence. Another benefit Downshen cites is that grandparents may have lots of time to spend playing with and reading to kids; such dedicated attention only improves a child's developmental and learning skills.

Given the fact that in today's world families may be scattered across the country, and jam-packed school and work schedules may interfere with regular time with grandparents, Dr. Downshen suggests that despite physical distance or busy schedules, parents should encourage their kids to develop a closer bond with their grandparents. He shares the following tips for parents to try:

Visit often. If your child's grandparents live nearby, make an effort to find time in your busy schedule for regular visits. Encourage grandparents to visit your home, too. Plan regular trips to see out-of-town grandmas and grandpas. Even if visits are infrequent, anticipating and planning the next trip can help your children regard that time as special.

Stay in touch with technology. Use the telephone, email, Skype, etc., to talk, write, and send pictures and sound files of your kids to grandparents. If they don't own a computer, send videos of the kids in action. Or have a grandparent record a reading of a favorite story and play it for your children at bedtime.

Say cheese. Post snapshots of grandparents in your home and point them out to your kids often. Or keep family pictures in a special photo album and page through it while naming the family members.

Mail call. Kids love receiving mail, be it an e-mail or a letter in the mailbox. Encourage communication by having your child send e-mail – both kids and grandparents will anticipate the regular communication. Or, if you prefer the old-fashioned way, send grandparents a box of stationery and postcards and some stamps and ask them to write regularly.

Pass it on. Many grandparents have hobbies or special skills – such as knitting, woodworking, or cooking – that they'd love to pass on to their grandkids. Give your kids the time and tools needed to learn these skills from their grandparents.

Chart a family tree. Both younger and older kids enjoy learning about their ancestors and relatives. Encourage grandparents to share stories of their families. You can even provide paper and drawing supplies so they can chart the family tree.

There’s the ‘safety angle’, though, regarding kids visiting their grandparents, who may not be used to having young kids in the house. Dr. Downshen believes it may be good to work with the grandparents to childproof the home, making sure that dangerous items – cleaning products, medicines, razors, and knives – are out of reach of small children.  With safety precautions in place, kids and grandparents can make the most of their special time together. (FREEMAN)