Absentee parenthood

CEBU, Philippines - Today's parents are so caught up with economic hurdles that they are left with too little time for their parenting function. Both parents have to work, leaving the children with no one to provide the essential parental guidance and nurturing. The saddest thing is - parents have no choice; they need both incomes to sustain their families.

Mothers, traditionally the homemakers, now grab every opportunity to contribute to their husbands' income. Some mothers seek regular employment, others work from home. Either way, their roles with their spouses and children are sacrificed.

What's worse, it has been common in these past years for parents - either fathers or mothers, or both - to leave home for employments abroad. They become absentee parents, unable to perform their day-to-day parenting function with the kids. The case is worse with single parents, with no one to share the tasks of rearing their children.

There's the case of Stacey, reported in flexjobs.com. She was already working full-time but really wanted a supplemental-income job. But even in the evenings and weekends, she was already kept busy, as these were the only times she could devote with her kids. The idea of having a second job would all the more take her away from her children.

She turned to the Internet and found a flexible second job that allowed her to earn extra income, without taking her away from her children. She got a job as transcript editor for an online media company.

Among Filipinos, however, having an online job doesn't quite ring as real work. Especially an online job that is done from home. The only online job that is so far heard of is one that is done under employment by a service company. Too few know that an online job at home can be very rewarding - in terms of both income and not having to be away from the kids.

Stacey relates, "Some days, I am exhausted after a day at my full-time job, but now I am able to skip an evening of my part-time work if I want, or wait to work after I take a power nap! I make my own hours for my part-time job and that is simply priceless!" She is now able to make a supplemental income on nights and weekends and still be parent to her children, as she does not have to sacrifice being away from her children even more.

Being parent already requires the most creativity and energy one can afford. So much so being the solo provider of the family's needs. The biggest sacrifice yet any parent may do is to leave the home in order to work and earn enough.

Many absentee parents try to compensate by abundantly providing their kids with material provisions and treats. It's hard to resist the impulse. The parents' guilt dissipates somewhat at the sound of the children's excited and happy gratefulness.

These parents know that nothing can take the place of their actual presence in their kids' life - but they can't help it. It's the best thing they can do in their situation. And, often, it does not work positively.

Children who are showered with material things are likely to veer their attention from the giver to the gifts. Their need for parental warmth to nourish their developing personalities is suppressed. And their regard of their parents becomes rather utilitarian; they begin to view their parents as mere suppliers of their material requirements.

The situation of absentee parents, though, is not hopeless. Experts on parent-child relationship find an unlikely ally - the communication gadgets. Web cams and video calls make it possible for parents and children to keep in touch like they're just a seat apart, no matter the distance.

But experts caution that communicating via modern gadgets should, as much as possible, be spared of the drama that only accentuates the physical distance. This is pointed out as it is likely for both parents and children to highlight how much they miss each other. The parents, most of all, must set the tone of the conversation, simply to reassure the kids that there need not be any gap between them.

Absentee parenthood is a modern-day reality. Yes, it seems to upset the traditional concept of family life. But this may only be for a time being. With creativity - coupled with instinctive parental love - there is an appropriate way to get around it.