On Sexual Harassment

It is the common notion that sexual harassment is purely a women’s issue. This is, perhaps, because most of the publicized cases of this offense involve a man as perpetrator and a woman as victim. But, in truth, sexual harassment can be a problem to both women and men.

Ronald had quit his job as a call center agent. He could no longer stand the sexual advances his supervisor – a married man! – was making on him. Several times the supervisor hugged him when they were alone in the men’s room. On the company’s outing on an island, he stayed awake the whole night long, out of fear of being molested while asleep.

This boy goes to the gym three times a week. He has a good body shape indeed. And it is hard to hide his good looks. 

But there is a way to avoid being the object of someone’s sexual fascination. Your first line of defense would be to make sure that your appearance simply cannot be misinterpreted. The hard fact is that, particularly in a work environment, sexy clothing can invite unwelcome attention and unguarded actions can send mixed signals. This applies to both sexes.

Of course, there is no argument that one has the right to wear whatever he or she chooses and move in whatever ways one wants, so long as he or she does not cross the limits of decency. You have the right, too, not to be sexually intimidated or inconvenienced by someone’s sexual attraction. Even so, some people will pick up every probable evocation to make a pass on you.

It is sound practice to leave at home any representation of sexuality, such as a translucent silk dress, luscious red lipstick, tight pants and body-hugging shirt, and wear instead outfits that indicate professional inaccessibility: tailored outfit, well-trimmed or clipped hair and a neat overall appearance. At the workplace especially, good fashion is one that earns respect from co-workers, not one that ignites sensual desire in them.

The second line of defense is awareness. To be able to spot sexual harassment in its earliest stage gives you a much better chance of averting it. So unless you want a relationship with a colleague, be wary of any behavior that hints of attraction. Be aware when someone watches you constantly, gives you prolonged and longing eye contact, comes within your intimate personal space or often “accidentally” touches you.

Among Filipinos especially, it can be rather difficult to deal with sexual harassment. It just runs against our nature as a timid, non-confrontational people to react vehemently to indecent advances. We soothe our inner repulsion by thinking that it’s all our imagination, that we are just putting a sexual color to what are actually innocent actuations by others. But even if in fact you are only imagining things, it is fair to all concerned to alert them that you are feeling uncomfortable.

You can nip suggestive behavior in the bud by revealing your disapproval early on. Show that you feel invaded. For instance, step back out of the intimate sphere, fold your arms around your body and turn away. Show your displeasure by frowning and speaking in a clipped or cold tone of voice. It is good to show your uneasiness as early as possible.

If the worst happens – when bold suggestions are made, an accidental touch lingers, or a hand is placed where it should not be – the most effective reaction is to cite the offense directly and strongly. Do not smile or use a soft voice to reprimand, because this will make you seem uncertain, even apologetic. Do not just pull away and go, or your harasser will simply try again at another chance.

In case of a blatant attempt, collect yourself quickly and garner the strength to make your grievance known. Stand up to your full height – no matter if you’re short – and push your harasser back. As you do, speak loudly in order to draw others’ attention to what is happening. Clichés like ‘No!’, ‘Don’t!’, and ‘How dare you!’ can be very effective. Even a simple ‘What is this hand doing here?’ can abort a possibly more invasive violation.

You can also embarrass your harasser by making other people around aware of his misconduct. If the offense is so grave, consider filing a case in court. In doing so, you will have proven that you have the power, and people will be more careful not to mess with you. And you may never again be troubled in the same way in the future.