Right ways to praise your kids

CEBU, Philippines - Your child presents you his latest artwork creation - a drawing of a stick man with very long legs, curly hair, and big eyes. It's a bad drawing, but a good try for a child, who beams a sunny smile as he waits for your reaction. You utter what a parent is supposed to say, "You're an amazing artist! This is so far the best one I've seen!"

We heard it all: the long praises loaded with adjectives parents say to their kids whenever they ace their first basketball tournament, sang his favorite song, and anything that seems to be remarkable. But a word of caution:  Giving too much praises could backfire.

 Parents need not fret, though, because giving compliments, especially to children, is not a bad habit. We enjoy receiving praises because it motivates us to do more. The same is true for children. Parents should just be watchful when giving inflated praises and using words such as "amazing" or "perfectly done."  Some parents say the words to boost the self-esteem of their children who have low confidence. But praises can be insincere and hollow that they spoil the aim for doing it.

 When we just praise because we don't want to hurt their feelings, it can make our kids afraid and hesitant to try new and challenging things. They more likely tend to not take risks of not being able to meet your expectations because their "minor accomplishments" already earn them profuse praise from their parents, their significant others.

  Another argument against giving too much praises is that the child may end up always wanting to get his parent's approval first whenever he does some activities. He would constantly look to the parents for validation if he is doing it right or not. Too much praise may also create pressure for him to continue performing well, so that he would attempt to remain on that particular level and not become more independent by doing (and likely failing at times) in some other things. Praises may manipulate children into getting to comply with adults' wishes rather than doing a specific action by their own self-motivation.

On the other hand, not giving enough praise can make children feel that they are not good enough because their parents do not care. The result is a child who stops testing for new possibilities and accomplishments.

 There is no secret formula on how or when to say our praises for our kids. The Ramon Aboitiz Foundation Inc. Dolores Aboitiz Children's Fund believes that praise is an important part in cultivating our children's self-esteem and confidence. In giving praises, the process should matter and not the end product.

After all, our intention is for the children to be more motivated on what they are doing. For example, if they sang a song in the rehearsal after many practices and you tell them you very much liked what you heard, your child is challenged to do good in the coming more recitals.

 So, what is the right amount of praise? Experts say that the quality of praise is more important than the quantity. If praise is sincerely said and focused on the effort, you can give it as often as your child does something that deserves a verbal reward.

Let's say, for example, that your daughter may not be the best dancer in the class, but if she is out there practicing for weeks and trying very hard, she still deserves your praise regardless whether she was the best or not.

  Here are some healthy and effective ways of praising your child's achievements.

Make it simple yet genuine.

Praise should always be sincere. Kids would become insecure when they feel that you are not sincere in what you are saying to them. They may not believe you anymore, even your positive assurances, because you were trying to cover up things.

Be specific.

Instead of saying, "You're such a good dancer," say, "Your effort has paid off. Keep practicing." Being specific is much better because it helps your kids identify their innate talent and how they can do better next time.

 Do not praise the obvious. Describe your child's effort not his attributes. Do not overdo praises about how smart, gifted or pretty she is. Praises are okay, but doing this all the time would begin to sound empty and meaningless already.

 Mean it when you say it. Always mean what you say to your child. Say "great job" when you really acknowledge that it is well done. This implies that you value their hardwork and efforts. It will make them realize too that excellence does not come that easy, that they need to work for it.

 So, what is the goal when it comes to praising our children? We should keep in mind our long-term goals for our little ones - we want to encourage our children to be self-motivated and to embrace the challenges. They should not be dependent on our abundant praises just so they would do well.

(Source: www.webmd.com) (FREEMAN)