Helping kids cope with stress(First of Two Parts)

Carefree as kids

This is a phrase adults often use in reference to a stress-free disposition, when one is not saddled by concerns like rents and bills to settle, or tuition to pay, or loan obligations to meet.

Children, however, are not really always carefree. There are many factors that cause them stress. Calamities like the October 15 earthquake in Cebu and Bohol and the November 8 super typhoon for example, are such stressful events in the lives of kids that they require help in coping with the aftereffects.

Sources of Stress

Stress is a function of the demands placed on us and our ability to meet them. The demands come from both outside sources (family, job, friends, school) or from within, often when you are conflicted on what you think you should do and what you are actually able to.

Stress, therefore, affects you in a way that you feel overwhelmed. And that is also true for kids. In preschoolers, separation from parents can cause anxiety, which is why it is common to see kids clinging on to their parents and crying on the first day of class. As they grow older, stressors include academic and social pressures.

World news can cause kids stress. Kids who see disturbing images on TV or hear talk of natural disasters, war, and terrorism may worry about their own safety and that of the people they love.  You can help them cope with these by talking to them about what they see or hear and monitor what they watch on television. This way, you can help the kids understand what is happening.

For example, the recent earthquake and super typhoon that killed thousands are stressful events to see or hear.  You can shield your child by not allowing them to watch news about the two catastrophes.  If kids who watch the two disasters could get stressed, it is difficult to imagine the stress and trauma children who experienced them could be suffering right now.

Other sources of stress are illness, death of a loved one, or a divorce.  These magnify the stress kids experience because of daily pressures. Death of a loved one or somebody close, for example, was such a stressful, traumatic experience for the children of Bohol. That was why after the earthquake that killed over 200 people in Bohol last month, the Ramon Aboitiz Foundation Inc. (RAFI) conducted stress debriefing sessions to Bohol children.

Also, adults should realize that there may be things that are not a big deal to them but can cause a significant level of stress for kids. You, therefore, should be extra careful and must let your children know that you understand them. Don't dismiss their feelings as inappropriate.

Signs and Symptoms

While it's not always easy to recognize when kids are stressed out, short-term behavioral changes - such as mood swings, acting out, changes in sleep patterns, or bedwetting - can be indications. Some kids experience physical effects, including stomachaches and headaches.  This was especially true for the children RAFI conducted stress debriefing with.  Others had trouble concentrating or completing schoolwork. Still others became withdrawn or spend a lot of time alone.

Among the concerns RAFI uncovered is that there were kids who could not sleep or if they can they keep on waking up dreaming that the earth was shaking; were always uneasy; always worried what would happen to their neighbor and friend who died; feared for their lives.

Younger children may pick up new habits like thumb sucking, hair twirling, or nose picking; older kids may begin to lie, bully, or defy authority. A child who is stressed may also have nightmares, fearful of being separated from you, overreactions to minor problems, and drastic changes in academic performance.

Reducing Stress

Proper rest and good nutrition can boost your child's coping skills. But nothing really beats good parenting. Have time for your kids each day, talk to them, make yourself available for them to open up with their concerns.  You should not make them try to talk, just make them comfortable and feel safe with you, and in time they will talk.  It is best if you join them in fun activities.

 Even as kids get older, quality time is important. It is hard for parents to spend time with their kids, especially if they have a stressful day at the office, but finding time for their children is a crucial act in helping them cope with stress. Expressing interest shows that they're important to you.

Helping Your Child Cope

One way to help your kids cope with stress is speaking with them. If they won't open up about theirs, try talking about yours.  This shows your willingness to speak with them and that you are available when they, too, would like to talk.

Books can help young kids identify with characters in stressful situations and learn how they cope. You can check out Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst; Tear Soup by Pat Schweibert, Chuck DeKlyen, and Taylor Bills; and Dinosaurs Divorce by Marc Brown and Laurene Krasny Brown.

RAFI recommends Akong Bugsay, a bilingual children's book written by Amaya Aboitiz that talks about Andoy and how he managed to overcome a stressful situation while fishing with his father.  The book is also available in coloring book format.

Most parents have the skills to deal with their child's stress. What most could not give, however, is to have quality time with their children.  (Rene Hermosilla Martel, RAFI Communications Team)

Source:  http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/stress.html#

The FREEMAN, with the Ramon Aboitiz Foundation Inc. (RAFI), is running weekly features on Early Childhood Care and Development (ECCD) to emphasize the importance of ECCD and to increase public support for ECCD. For comments or suggestions, email [email protected].