CEBU, Philippines — A few days after being crowned Binibining Cebu Charity 2018, Tracy Maureen Perez came into the interview room a little tearful. One of two returning Binibinis, this year’s Madridejos bet pageant is proof that silver linings are endless.
Tracy apologizes for being emotional. This is her first interview as a title-holder and she feels overwhelmed. She never thought she’d ever get to do interviews inside a snazzy boardroom with a view of the city, surrounded by press and PR specialists and so many cameras.
Although born in Cebu City, Tracy was raised in Bayugan City, Agusan Del Sur by her mother. Born three months premature, Tracy could have fit in a shoebox.
Despite never meeting her father, the only child didn’t feel like anything was missing. Far from it, since she was loved by her mom and treated by all seven aunts and uncles as their own. In their quiet hometown in rural Mindanao, she grew up the only child in the household, living with her grandparents, her mom and one of her uncles.
“I was so tiny but not anymore,” jokes Tracy, who is called Mau to close friends and family. “I grew up in the province where the houses were far away from each other. Being the only kid in the house, I’d get very excited every time my cousins dropped by to visit.”
Little Tracy would take out all of her toys and invite the neighborhood kids to come play with her.
“Ako gyud ipagawas akong toys para mangadto among silingan. I would send my cousins letters because there weren’t phones then. I was always so sweet. I don’t know why,” she recalls with a chuckle.
Far from the beauty queen that she is today, Tracy was one of the boys, playing soccer, tag, and hide and seek with her male peers. By the time she finished elementary, she had practically forced her mom to move to Cebu.
“I was very close to my cousin. I would cry every time. They moved to Cebu three years before that. So I wanted to go there too. At that time, my grandma needed better medical attention so we moved to Argao in my aunt’s house.”
Despite having one of her wishes granted, she soon learned how difficult it can be to be the new girl in a small town. In a place where everyone knew each other since in diapers, Tracy stood out more than she wanted. She found it difficult to weave herself into an environment that was already so close-knit.
“Since everyone knew each other in high school, I was the outcast. I was the new girl. No one talked to me. Somehow, I changed a little bit. From being outspoken and baga og nawong…” Tracy looks back on her high school days. But she didn’t take that against her classmates as it was only natural for them to hang out with those closest to them. By her last two years, Tracy felt okay within her niche.
Another wave of adjustment happened in college. Tracy wasn’t sure what to do with her life despite having a lot of skills. Her relatives encouraged her to take up Engineering since her cousins were engineers as well. As someone who grew up in the province, Tracy, who finished a degree in Industrial Engineering at the University of San Carlos, was frazzled by her new environment in the city.
“Adjustment again for me. The city was so big, it was difficult,” she shares. “I wouldn’t go out because I was afraid I’d get lost.”
Optimistic as ever, Tracy fared well. She was part of a big, happy family, and she was in school in the city.
Then her life changed forever at 17. Her mom went to bed and didn’t wake up.
Apart from being born premature, everything about Tracy was a miracle, if you will. When her mom was 18, she got caught in an accident. After undergoing major operations, it was declared that her mom’s health was very fragile that she couldn’t have any kids and would only live until 30. Her mom’s family almost didn’t believe that she was with child.
“My mom’s health was deteriorating. She would get sick at times and nothing could relieve her. But when we go to the doctors, there was nothing wrong with her. Her stats said that she was fine, especially if she took her medicine.”
It would be an understatement to say that Tracy was close to her mom. Her mom, who met her dad in the US, decided to raise her baby on her own. Her dad had a family back in Manila and Tracy’s mom didn’t want to be a homewrecker. While Tracy and her mom were part of a loving family, they were in a way, all each other had. Understandably, Tracy’s world went from rosy into something else entirely.
“For one whole year I tried to understand everything that happened. In a blink of an eye, everything changed. I never felt incomplete, even though I’ve never met my dad. I was loved by everyone, I was the baby, I was the princess. But everything changed,” confides Tracy, whose profile picture on Facebook is an old photo of her in her mom’s arms.
She isn’t even certain if her birth father knows she exists. Still, Tracy bears no ill feelings. If some twist of fate permits it, she is open to meeting him someday. “I don’t hate him, but I don’t love him,” she says. He’s okay.”
Her mom’s passing had been such a blow, so much that she decided to isolate herself, staying at her dorm in the city instead of with family. She couldn’t bear to enter their house in Argao, could not find it in her to go into the room she once shared with her mom. She learned to be independent, living in the city and dealing with her grief all by herself.
Tracy blamed herself endlessly. She had slept beside her mom every night until she was 17. But on that fateful evening, Tracy did not. For some reason, she could not get herself to doze off, so she moved from their shared bedroom to the living room.
“Usually, she’d wake up early. My mom would wake me up and make breakfast. Pinangga jud kaayo. But that morning…when I went in the room, I knew it. She was gone.”
Apart from the day of our interview being her first chat with the press as Binibining Cebu Charity 2018, Tracy was also celebrating her late mom’s birthday. This was a day she usually spent solely for her mom, but this time, Tracy had to make an exception, knowing her mom would have been so proud of her.
Losing her was the most life-changing event for Tracy. It has been eight years, but she remembers everything as if it were yesterday. Despite her loss, she was able to pull through with the help of relatives. After a year, her mom visited her in a dream and told her to stop worrying as she was always looking out for her.
“I see that my mom lived a wonderful life. When she was told she wouldn’t live past 30 and that she couldn’t have a child, she gave birth to me at 32 and lived through the age of 48. Thankful kaayo ko nga gipa-borrow siya ni God sa akoa,” says Tracy, her tear-stained face breaking into a smile. She likes to think that the extra 18 years her mom got was pure bliss and she is happy that her mom chose to start a family with her despite the odds.
If she could have done things differently, Tracy says she would have paid more attention to her mom’s stories about pageantry. Tracy’s mom, Chona Perez, was among Cebu’s Five Prettiest and had competed in Binibining Pilipinas alongside Melanie Marquez, where the former became a finalist representing Davao.
“Bisag di ko mangutana, mu-share siya sa iyang stories. Nagmahay ko nga dili ko maminaw. I wasn’t interested pa ato. I always knew that I liked to perform. My mom was a stage mom. Performing is really fulfilling. It’s a job gyud.”
A late bloomer in a number of ways, Tracy’s first pageant was in USC’s Miss TC 2011, which she won. After college, following her participation in a pageant organized by her office just for kicks, her bosses and a workmate signed her up for Miss Cebu 2016.
“Miss Cebu was really my first,” says Tracy, who won first runner-up in that pageant. “As long as there is an opportunity even though dili ako ang nag-open, I still take it. But then I had fun. There’s something about pageantry that’s different. Nindot man diay. I realized that my mom had a dream, and maybe it’s my turn to fulfil her dreams for me.”
Last year, she represented Argao for the first Binibining Cebu but failed to clinch the crown, landing at the Top 6 out of 54. When she didn’t come home with the crown then (being so close to earning a spot in the court), Tracy says there was always a voice that told her to try again. With the support of family, friends, and her Origin Modelling and Artist Management team, she tried for the crown once more. But with a catch.
“I told myself that if I didn’t make it this year then this would be the last time. I decided to try again because if I were to represent Cebu in national competitions, it’s my personal belief to win here first so that I would be worthy of representing Cebu. But if this is not for me, then maybe something else is out there.”
“The crown means everything to me,” the 25-year-old quips. “That was all or nothing gyud.”
The returning candidate tried her best to drive away the insecurities. Last year, intimidated by eventual winners Apriel Smith (Bb. Cebu 2017) and Maria Gigante (Bb. Cebu Charity 2017), Tracy doubted her capabilities.
While it wasn’t popular in Cebu pageants to have returnees, she took the chance. She even believed that her status as a second-timer was an advantage.
“The most important lesson I learned is to always believe in myself and in my capabilities. Last year, I looked down on myself so much that I ended up losing sight of my goal.”
Tracy – who enjoys playing sports like volleyball, badminton and boxing – still has time to fulfill her pageant endeavors. The former associate software engineer keeps busy with modelling and taking care of her mom’s properties in Mindanao.
She also plans to join Binibining Pilipinas just as her mom did. She might take up higher education and teach in college too.
During the Binibining Cebu 2018 coronation night clincher question about the most important quality of a Binibining Cebuana, Tracy spoke of resilience.
“To live through the hard times, not making excuses but finding solutions instead. To survive and be happy no matter the circumstance. To use our stronger self to lift each other up…I believe this is what Cebu truly needs. I am proud that I am resilient and I am a Binibining Cebuana,” Tracy had answered. When it comes to speaking, Tracy prefers to tap into personal experience. That way, she only needs to be sincere.
As someone who was orphaned and was able to pull through with the kindness of others, Tracy plans to spend the P100, 000 she won for her advocacy project to an education-centered campaign for orphans and the less fortunate.
“I was helped by the right people and so from the day I started becoming happy again, I made it my life’s mission to also help someone. People helped me. Considering the things I’ve gone through, I could have gone another path. But I’m here.”
“I want them to know the importance of education. We have to start them young. But how can they appreciate the value of education if they cannot go to school? We have to give them a chance. We all deserve a chance.”
As Tracy in her simplest and as Tracy who won the Binibining Cebu Charity 2018 title, her hope for Cebu is for its residents to really try to help others.
“We’re very busy making a living that most of the time we forget to live a meaningful life. Chasing the money, the fame, our own dreams… there’s nothing wrong with that. But we have to learn to look at those who really need us. We should not turn our backs on them. If every single one of us tries to help at least one person, everything will become better.”
When she was younger, Tracy found it exhausting to share her story. She was also a little embarrassed to talk about it. Life left a bitter taste for her along the way, but she found a way to make sure her sweetness seeped through even on the worst days. Especially now with the platform, the influence and the support of Binibining Cebu organizers, Tracy has taken pride in her scars and stripes.
“I shouldn’t be ashamed of what I went through. I know it can inspire people. I’ve taken it into a different perspective. What happened to me is something na lisod but nakaya man nako. Naa siguro greater purpose because nakaya man nako.”
Because of her sunny disposition, a lot of people may feel like her life is perfect. But she had a hard time in school. She had to learn to thrive on her own when she had to support herself after college. Looking for a job wasn’t easy either. Her luck in pageantry almost seemed like it had been running out. In the end, everything led Tracy to this day: loved, secure and with a crown on her head.
There will be new queens every year. And new stories. All Tracy can hope for is to be someone’s plot twist, just as others helped her turn the page for herself. This is a big world, she says. It’s impossible to meet everyone, so it’s not really about the number of people who would get to learn her name.
“Being remembered by one or two or three, even if gamay ra, as long as I know that I was able to help. That I was able to change their lives—that’s one of my biggest dreams. To see someone become successful, pick themselves up…that’s what touches my heart the most. To see them become someone they never thought they could become. Just that. I don’t need recognition. I don’t need anything else.”