ADVICE: Ang kwento ni Coco Martyr

Dear Tita Witty,

Bakit ba kahit alam kong one-sided love lang ang meron kami at obvious na sa side ko yun, okay lang sakin? Bakit kasama siya sa lahat ng pangarap ko kahit ako, hindi kasama sa mga pangarap niya? October last year nung simula akong makaramdam ng ‘di maipaliwanag na feelings sa kanya, it kept on getting stronger hanggang ngayon na magi-isang taon na. Paano ko kaya ise-celebrate, Tita Witty? O ‘wag na?

Love,

Coco Martyr

Dear Coco Martyr,

Why, of course you should celebrate! Isa itong milestone sa buhay mo, so bakit naman hindi? Here’s how:

Kapag anniversary, syempre kailangan ng gift. Since you didn’t tell me if it was a boy or a girl you’re in love with, I suggest something that’s good for both. ‘Yung bisexual ba. I mean, unisex. Kagaya ng alarm clock. At dahil hindi mo naman ibibigay sa kanya, sa ‘yo na lang. Para magising ka sa katotohanan.

Or you can opt for something more personal. You can make a scrapbook of all your memories together. Like the first time he/she turned you down for a date. As well as the second and third times. The first time he/she finally agreed! Pero coffee lang. At hindi ikaw ang kasama. Pero nag-coffee ka na rin just the same. At least, sabay kayong nag-coffee, ‘di ba? How about the first time you were seenzoned? The first time you realized you aren’t important to him/her? The first time you asked, “Lord, pangit ba ‘ko?” tapos sumagot si Lord ng “Choppy ka, chubby.”

Plan the perfect dinner date. Mag-order ng maraming-maraming food and drinks. ‘Yung matatabunan at malulunod ang feelings mo. Tapos sasabihin sa ‘yo ni Lord, “Kaya ka chubby eh.”

To end the night, humanap ka ng pader. Don’t worry, hindi ko ipapaumpog ang ulo mo. Sumandal ka lang at umiyak habang dumudulas papaupo. Make sure your back is flat on the wall while doing so. “Walling” ang tawag d’yan sa pelikula. Kailangan ito kapag sobrang drama na ng buhay. Lumipat ka ng pader kapag pangit ang lighting and make sure you have your background music ready.

Let me know how it goes. Oh, and happy anniversary! Cheers to pag-ibig and katangahan!

xoxo,

Tita Witty

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Send in your tatanga-tanga sa pag-ibig questions to deartitawitty@gmail.com.