Ang iyong kapalaran, by Madame Supreme
MANILA, Philippines - Supreme has been your weekly dealer of the best in Pinoy pop culture — from social media to showbiz; music to film to fashion; and all the latest trends. But we realized that there’s one topic we haven’t touched at all: your future.
So we immediately called in our resident psycho — este, psychic — Madame Supreme, and asked her to read each zodiac sign’s love, career, and money horoscope for the rest of August. Disclaimer: Any resemblances to real situations in your life are purely coincidental — and quite amazing, actually — so don’t get too carried away. Si Madame Supreme lang ‘to, hindi si Zenaida Seva.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Love: The next two weeks will be a very pleasurable experience for you. It is written in the stars, dear. You are destined to be together and — ay, is this for Aries? Sorry, “better luck next time” lang pala.
Career: Please stay on the yellow platform edge. Thank you.
Money: You will be broke on the 13th. But you will still buy Starbucks anyway.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Love: Wear a yellow polka-dot bikini on the 25th. Oh, you’re a guy? K, blue na lang.
Career: Take the stairs on the 17th. Oh, your office is on the 15th floor? So pa’no, ako ang mag-a-adjust?
Money: If you have to ask how much, then you can’t afford it.
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Love: Your future wife/husband is just around the corner. As for which corner, wait, choppy ang crystal ball ko, choppy.
Career: OMG.
Money: Buy it. You deserve it.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
Love: If you love someone, you say it, you say it right then, out loud, or the moment just passes you by…. Oops, time’s up.
Career: You will set the new world record for the most Olympic medals won by an individual.
Money: Sometimes.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
Love: You will not have a boyfriend until you’re 40. Oh sorry, that’s specifically for a certain Sarah G.
Career: Don’t resign yet. Sayang ang 13th month pay.
Money: You will be lucky on the 18th. The taxi driver will not ask for additional fare. Swerte no?
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Love: It’s not you, it’s me. Yes, ako talaga.
Career: Just do it.
Money: You will have money on the 25th or 30th. But you will lose it immediately to a certain Zara.
Libra (September 23-October 23)
Love: Sorry won’t do. Sa presinto ka magpaliwanag.
Career: Yes. I mean, no. Yes pala. Sorry, it’s really a no. Wait, can you repeat the question?
Money: You will finally afford that pair of pants on the 16th. Pero out of stock ang size mo.
Scorpio (October 24-November 21)
Love: No vibrations today. Please come back tomorrow. Yes, nanghuhula ako kahit Linggo.
Career: An officemate has a crush on you. Career-in mo.
Money: Yihee, pa-burger ka naman!
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Love: You’ll be making the biggest mistake of your life. You will fall in love with your best friend.
Career: You will see clearly now, the rain is gone. It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright — you know the rest.
Money: You’re broke, but you’re happy. You’re poor, but you’re kind. You’re short, but you’re healthy. Yeah.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Love: There’s a danger in loving somebody too much, and it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust.
Career: There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are.
Money: Baby, sometimes love just ain’t enough.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
Love: Move on na teh.
Career: Let go.
Money: Repeat after me: Move on, let go. Ay, money na ba? K. Move on, let go pa rin.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
Love: Yes, yes, yes!
Career: Somebody will mistake you for Anne Curtis/Derek Ramsay on the 23rd. Smile and say, “Thanks. Puyat pa ‘ko nito ha.”
Money: You will be buried in debt for the next three months. Okay lang, kamukha mo na nga si Anne/Derek, gusto mo pa mayaman ka?
