Together in wellness, in wealthness, and in life

So Anthony, kakayanin na ba?” (“Will it be sufficient?”), a future in-law asked me as we discussed my plans of getting married with Maricel. I confidently (and humbly) shared how much I was earning “at an average” (as I was an independent consultant and entrepreneurial from the beginning with no regular paycheck to rely on) at that time. “Well,” he paused as if to compute being married himself, “di naman tayo nagkakalayo.” (“We aren’t that far off from each other”). “I think you’re good to go.”

I needed that vote of confidence. As a young professional speaker with an irregular source of income, I was unsettled at my ability to provide for my future family. I did have a more regular job as anchor of the evening news in an established network. But perhaps most are unaware, news and public affairs, was and remains an “advocacy” at its core.  If I was able to earn from my media career at all, it would come from special assignments, a weekly hosted program, or a brand endorsement (which has to be carefully discerned so as not to compromise the “integrity” of my broadcasting responsibility).

But even with that encouragement the question lingered in my mind, so I sought counsel from the serial entrepreneur that was my dad: “Dad, I am not sure I’m ready - financially - to start a family.”

His reply confirmed my greatest fear: “Yes, Anthony, you’re probably not...” But then, the quick follow through: “...And if you’ll wait until you’re all set and ready, you’ll probably never end up getting married. It will never be “enough.” You must work on this together, one day at a time.”

We got engaged and settled down!

Left to my own, without sound advice and “wise counsel,” I’d be nowhere near half of where I am today. Fast forward, without them, I wouldn’t even dream of having accomplished “all I was meant to be.”

Scripture says in a “multitude of counselors” there is safety. I guess that implies that without them, lies imminent danger. In marriage, in business, in finances, and in life.

I recall how Maricel indeed “settled down” after a few months of getting married. She had begun to decline more movie offers, TV projects, even simple appearances. I asked her why. Her response with great conviction: “Because we got married! I want to be a good housewife!” I wanted to tell her, then and there, that if she completely stopped working she wouldn’t have a house to live in as my wife!

But thank God, I went through another route: I reminded her that being Mrs. Pangilinan didn’t mean neglecting her past achievements, her undeniable gifts and the joys she had even before we knew each other (that was the life coach in me). Armed with basic guidelines on how to select projects that suited her now that she had a new life, she resumed her show business career with even more excitement. I thank my wife for having a listening ear. It didn’t happen overnight (you know how we resist our spouse’s advice at first instance!); but the advice eventually found good soil and ultimately bore abundant fruit.

The Law of the Inner Circle by John Maxwell reminds us to keep our ears open and our hearts tender towards those who can stretch us to reach our highest potentials. In wellness, in wealthness, in the quality of life.

What stage of life are you in today? In every phase and stage of life, we need to listen to words of wisdom, and we need to pursue these words actively.

For some, it’s been a gift. Having engaged parents is a great blessing to every growing child as he himself engages, collaborates and yes, even competes, in the “real world out there.”

For others (many others), it hasn’t come as easy. Raised in environments where they were told, sold and forced into a mold, advice and counsel are not as welcome as they ought to be.

But it isn’t too late. There is more to lose by keeping our ears shut, our eyes closed and our hearts hardened.

The key is to source wisdom from those whose lives we see fruits worth picking. People who practice what they preach, and who only preach what they practice. Institutions with solid track records of performance, of reliability, and integrity.

Maricel and I will be forever grateful for the pre-marriage counselors who helped us set solid foundations for a more hopeful future. In areas of decision-making, career, child-rearing, finance management and yes, even sex!, we drank from their wisdom as we developed our own family culture or “way of life.”

A simple decision as having joint accounts as a couple and foregoing individual accounts, and managing this without major trouble the past 20 years, is a testimony in itself of how sound advice — heeded - can help a marriage long term.

Not to say that our way is the only way. But we know what we have agreed upon and the why behind it, and that has made all the difference. Whoever thought the verse “and the two become one” would be foundational to the management of our financial accounts?

And not that we were without challenges (and they still come even as I share this “testimony”). As mentioned, being self-employed and entrepreneurs, we have had no “regular” income from the start. To put in perspective, almost 90% of our monthly inflows come from projects (“variable income”) which are never “guaranteed.” And because most of them are contracts with varying terms of payments (like a 90-day waiting period for  a, believe this, “downpayment,” as it involves an accounting system based in another country!), cash flow hasn’t always been “healthy.” One of the best advices given by our banking partners? Avail of a standby loan facility to “bridge” a short term need given our profession and our entrepreneurial way of life.

As our family grew and as our careers expanded (with the “in between downfalls”), we sought more professional advice from more seasoned mentors and financial experts. Some through correspondence, others just by reading their books, still others through live workshops, and a few through individual coaching sessions.

While early on our goal was just to manage the budget (with the least fighting as possible : ),  we eventually realized growing the inflows was equally important. As the children came and matured with more complex needs, so were the needs to “open the floodgates” and increase the efficiency by which we managed those resources. Learning about our bank’s latest services, family investment suggestions and our geeky friend’s new finance management technologies to empower us have made the journey quite fulfilling. An area that we are currently exploring with our banking partners is online and mobile banking to improve our approach even further and to make better decisions as we see financial information more effectively. As Bill Gates reminds us all “How you manage information today will determine whether you win or lose.”

It’s also been a relief to have people and institutions with both the wisdom and the ability to help us out in times of need. For again, let me admit, its not always smooth sailing. We still make wrong decisions. We have past choices that bear present day consequences. Maricel and I still pray daily for our growing needs to be met, and for increased ability to bless others.

In the end, we have come to realize, that the best financial advice and counsel we have received - and now pass on - have not been financial. Financial management principles and financial abundance are but fruits of deeper, more fundamental roots that we all need to plant, water and nurture over time with the sound guidance and wise counsel of those who have “gone before us.”

John Maxwell reminds us that “the level your team must rise to the level of your dream.” Who among your friends has your ear today? To whom among your many “associates” have you opened your heart? Your money, and your life, depend on it.

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BPI makes it easy to make a better life more reachable for everyone by providing easy access to financial advice and appropriate financial solution packages. For more information, please visit www.bpiexpressonline.com or send an email to brandbpi@bpi.com.ph. We also welcome your feedback and questions! Reach us at wealthness@philstar.com.ph