Rude

I was in a deli on Timog two weeks ago, happy that I could zip in and out. But it wasn’t to be. The deli had a new POS system and the employees were obviously just learning it. That’s fine. I’m patient. But as my purchases were being punched in, something went awry. The cashier started talking to the guard and a co-worker, saying she thought she’d done something wrong. Could the guard please count the items in my bag again? He did. Then she looked at the sales ticket again and said everything was okay. But her companion looked at the receipt and said it looked like she charged me for the eggs and then voided the item, too. I let them work it out. This was fine – all in a day’s work – except while this was happening, no one was addressing me. The cashier, especially, took pains not to look at me or even explain what was going on. In the meantime, she half-asked the guard to get my bags again, which he dutifully retrieved. I was already late. So I asked what I needed to do so I could leave. Nothing.

The cashier went on punching away, not looking at me. It was her companion who politely explained that the eggs needed to be punched in again. I turned to the cashier but she was busy acting busy. I was invisible. I turned to the guard and gave him my best what-the-hell look. He finally held the bags up to the cashier and said, "Ano ba ito? Okay na ba o hindi?" She impatiently told him – not me – that the bags were good to go. So I computed the cost of the eggs, laid out the cash and then raised my voice to ask if we were settled now. She half-mumbled something, took the cash and punched away again. This time, she gave me a receipt and still managed not to look at me. No one apologized for the delay.

I understand that she was under pressure and was probably embarrassed by her mistake, but it would have been simpler and infinitely more polite to look me in the eye and tell me how we could solve the problem. I am the customer. If you are embarrassed by your own faux pas, do not take it out on me. It doesn’t go away just because you pretend I am not there. You need to deal with it squarely. She could have easily apologized and explained it herself. We could have sorted it out. That would have been more efficient. Instead, she talked to everyone but me. I was tempted to force her to acknowledge me, but my blood was already at boiling point and I didn’t want to engage her in a less than positive way. I should have just walked out. If they did not have the courtesy to address me properly, let them deal with the consequences.

This type of service has become the norm in this country. Go to any retail establishment and the staff will talk through you about their merienda, personnel issues, personal issues – you name it, they will talk about it as if you weren’t there. I was in a fitting room in Rockwell when two salesgirls started discussing their bodily excretions right outside my curtain. Earlier, when I asked for assistance, their sluggish indifference made it clear I was not their priority. After the too-much-info conversation outside the fitting room, I decided to walk away. Did they notice? No. Did they care? Of course not. Am I ever going back? Absolutely not.

Owners should take the time to teach their staff customer courtesy (or even just plain courtesy). This begins with the in-store music that, seriously, does not have to blare so. It dazes the staff and makes everyone nervous. Shopping is better done in a peaceful environment. Music should be in the background, playing softly. This also helps everyone communicate more efficiently. The staff must acknowledge your presence without being in your face. They should let you know they can assist you – and are happy to – should you need it. It is also important that they are trained not to follow you around or holler their greeting at every turn. They need to learn when to step forward and when to give you space. They should keep their personal stuff out of the way, especially when others are present. It is worrisome that this level of rudeness, especially in service industries, has become so painfully prevalent. Most salespeople today make you feel like a thorn in their side.

It doesn’t help that our retail establishments are so overstaffed. If you take the time to train your people well, you won’t need so many of them. There won’t be time for idle chatter. One of my worst experiences was at the toy section of a supposedly premier department store at the Shangri-La Plaza Mall. The salesmen tried to sell directly to my son. Then they had this informal guessing game going, of which type of toy he would go for: "Power Rangers ’yan. Hindi maliit pa palagay ko…" Again, as if we weren’t there. My son was starting to attach himself to my leg. Children are especially sensitive when they know they are being talked about, especially in their presence. How dare they? Really, that’s how I feel. How can you bypass the parent and try to sell directly to a child? That is just horrible. And when did we start talking about people who are right in front of us, as if they weren’t there? I just looked at our self-proclaimed toy guide and said, "Please, we can find something ourselves, thank you." He looked a bit stunned, turned towards his hard-sell comrades and left. But I could feel them eyeing us anyway, ready to pounce again.

This behavior can be traced to a lack of boundaries that has to do with a certain level of consciousness. I sometimes fear we are turning into a culture of people with weak egos – I don’t mean ego in the sense of egotism, but the ego that defines you as an individual. It is that in you which is able to say "I." We can no longer think and feel clearly for ourselves and therefore cannot see or feel others clearly. We are no longer inwardly upright and so cannot discern where we stand, especially in relation to others. What is private, what is not? How close can I stand to this person before I start to invade his or her space? How far must I be so that he or she can breathe? Boundaries give you perspective and the space to view someone else objectively and with respect.

Observant people sell better. They are the ones who will watch you quietly and know if you can be approached. They will know what kind of merchandise might attract you. They will know when they should jump in or step back. If you have just a few of these well-trained people, you could streamline your staff and sell more. If you hire people and train them about basic manners, simple boundaries, teach them to observe quietly, never sell to children, your business would run more efficiently and everyone would shop in peace and with more pleasure.

We have to stop being invisible to each other. Technology is partly to blame. We have e-mail and all the modes of Internet communication slowly encroaching on face-to-face interaction. Texting is a major culprit. You feel like you are engaged with the world when you are actually by yourself. It’s only your thumb that’s interacting with something and that thing is an inanimate object: a tiny screen. These technologies are all alienating, so we must strive to be even more present when there is an actual human being in front of us. Technology is partly to blame, but the rest is up to us.

You can only truly serve when you can see the other well. We need to enliven our senses again. This means creating environments, especially in malls and workplaces, that allow this. Noise promotes inward clutter and negative energy. Clean, well-lit, peaceful places will attract quiet, calm and clarity. The way you define your space will also define the way people behave in it. We have to practice seeing each other and respecting the space each person before us occupies. If we are in healthy environments, we have a better chance of doing this. If we employ people and are in the service industries, we must take this to heart and make it part of our customer relations training. That’s what it means, after all: relating to customers on a personal, human level. If we remember what that means, we can relate to each other again with respect and consideration. Enough of this "Good morning, Ma’am-Sir! Sir-Ma’am!" We can learn to look clearly again and say, "Good morning, Ma’am," "Good morning, Sir," or simply "Good morning" and genuinely mean it.

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