Remembering Trisha
August 24, 2003 | 12:00am
It was the most painful day of my life. When Trisha was first diagnosed with cancer on March 29, 2001, I was devastated. After hearing the shocking news, Trisha and I went to the Makati Medical Center chapel to pray. I wanted to scream, bang my head against the wall, and roll down on the floor to release the pain and anger I felt bottled up inside. Why Trisha, why not me? I struggled to stop myself from breaking down completely in front of Trisha, but I couldn’t help the sobs. Kneeling beside me, Trisha was so calm and she kept nudging me, saying "Mommy, please stop it!"
Through it all, Trisha kept her composure with the utmost grace and dignity. There were only two occasions when I saw her really break down. The first time was when she began to lose her hair, and her friend Teresa Cuerva finally cut it all. The second time was when she had her bone marrow aspiration and biopsy test. I was waiting outside, when Trisha’s anguished cries shot through the air like arrows right through my heart. After the procedure, I went to console her and tried to stop myself from crying, but I broke down immediately upon seeing tears streaming down her pained face. I still remember it all so vividly – Trisha hugging me tightly, whimpering "Mom, it was so painful!"
Throughout her eight chemo sessions and 20 days of radiation, Trisha remained unbelievably patient and calm. She went about her usual activities, never letting her illness get in the way of her leading a normal life. Trisha possessed a new glow – she was even more beautiful, despite having lost all her hair, sporting bandanas and hats, still looking and feeling good. I never heard her complain, and she always kept a positive outlook about everything. Her illness brought us closer together and she became even more spiritual. I made my rounds of churches and said all the novenas I could lay my hands on for her healing and recovery.
When Trisha had her CT scan on January 15, 2002 her tumor was gone. She was on remission! We were all so happy, and absolutely positive that she was completely cured of the cancer. Before leaving for the States in March, Trisha had another CT scan, which showed that she was still clear of any tumors. She told me that her three-month stay in the US was the most memorable one she ever had. She was so happy! Someone swept her off her feet, followed her all over the USA and even across the seas – taking a trip to the Philippines to meet me, my family and Trisha‘s friend. She was simply radiant, she was in love! I remember praying hard that Trisha would be married by the time she turned 30. But before her 30th birthday, she was diagnosed with cancer, so I changed my prayers a bit and told the Lord "OK, she‘s fine now, but how about Trisha getting married before she turns 32?" But at 31 years old, she joined her Creator.
While Trisha was in the hospital, I surrendered her to the Lord and told Him, "Not my will but Yours, please spare Trisha from any pain, make me strong and make my faith even stronger." I’m so happy that the Lord allowed me to spend 17 days of quality time with my daughter looking for me, puckering up her lips for lots of kisses, making lambing all the time. She kept telling me she loved me and repeatedly asked if I love her. She’d ask me to hug and kiss her all the time. During my 60th birthday last November, Trisha gave me the most beautiful birthday card. "I know you’ve had a tough life and I admire how you’ve dealt with all the trials so far. Since I was stuck at home and felt helpless that I couldn’t even be part of the party planning, I thought of a creative gift which I hope you will appreciate."
She called it a "Memory Box," composed of 60 memories. Please read one memory a day, to lift your spirit when you are down.
I didn’t follow Trisha‘s instructions, I just couldn’t help but read all the memories in one go. Here are some of the 60 memories:
1) I remember the term of endearment you gave me – Triccie Anne – which I ended up liking.
2) I remember how proud you always are of us, even if sometimes it’s embarrassing to hear you monopolize the conversation talking about us.
3) I remember how you made sure to send us to the best schools to get the best education. I’m grateful for that because it gave me a chance to make great friends.
4) I remember those days you would take me to Mother Teresa‘s food feeding. It opened my eyes to reality and taught me humility.
5) I remember how you would drill into our heads the importance of sacraments in one’s life, and I’m glad you did because it made me feel closer to our Lord.
6) I remember how you had to be both a mom and dad to us. I know it was difficult, but we all turned out to be quite good kids.
7) I remember how confident you are with yourself, not needing any man to complete you. That’s truly amazing!
8) I remember how I sometimes take you for granted, not realizing that you also need a lot of love and attention.
9) I remember all the love, attention and babying I received from you during those chemo days. It felt good. Thank you so much, I needed it too!
10) I remember those chemo days in the hospital whenever I get up to pee and you’d always manage to wake up hard as I tried to be quiet. Thank you for always being there.
11) I remember the day I was told my cancer was back and you were there too. I was glad because you made me feel braver.
12) I remember the day I told you that I was going to go all alternative and you said you were going to back me up. It was a big load off my chest.
13) I remember how much happiness and laughter Sammi has brought into your life. I hope that one day I will make you a proud grandmother too.
14) I look forward to more happy memories together. Thank you for being the best mom you could ever be.
Trisha’s love for children has always amazed people, and how they loved her back is so heartwarming. Maybe God made this so, because He knew Trisha would be called early, so He gave her many children to love and love her back in return. Her most cherished dream was to get married and have children of her own. But God had other plans for her. Perhaps she was too good for this world. One friend commented that God wants beautiful angels around Him.
I can never forget our conversation one night when Trisha was in the hospital. She asked me how I felt. I asked: "About what?" She said, "About me, are you ready if God takes me?" I told her I refused to discuss this. "No Mommy, we have to talk about this!" I told Trisha that "no mother can ever be ready for the death of her child that’s why I keep praying for a miracle for you. I don’t want you to feel any pain. I want you to be brave and to never ever give up. For me to be strong, for my faith never to falter." I made her promise to never give up the fight. I reminded her about all the relatives, the friends, and many others praying for her and she assured me that she would not give up.
Until the very end, Trisha was the ever thoughtful and considerate person. At the hospital the doctors restricted visitors, so we had another room for them to hang around in. Trisha would call for her friends and relatives one by one to come see her. The lucky ones called would be so ecstatic like they were winners in a big contest being called to claim their prize! Trisha just wanted to make lambing with her loved ones, and perhaps say her goodbye. On New Year’s Eve, Trisha asked for a pen and paper as she had great difficulty speaking. She expressed her gratitude and love for everyone, even apologized for all the hassle her illness brought.
I’m very thankful Trisha did not suffer too much physical pain. She was spiritually prepared to meet our Lord. I cannot thank God enough for giving her a very peaceful death. RJ, Mitzi, Trina her Tito, Father Rafael Borromeo and I were all around her praying and singing as she fell asleep and took her last breath.
Trisha is still very much around. I know she’s praying for me to be strong. God will not allow anyone burdens they cannot handle. He gives us strength to endure when we need it most - this He gave me through all the relatives and countless friends who kept vigil during Trisha’s hospital confinement, the four-day wake, the nine-day novena masses, and up to this very day. Though I often find myself in denial, I have stopped asking "Why?" Trisha always told me that in the end, it’s only God who can decide when to take her life. Things really happen for a reason. "Be forgiving," Trisha said, "and don’t hold grudges."
As a mother, the best consolation I have received is the incessant outpouring of love that Trisha‘s death brought. I’m completely overwhelmed by the love and concern shown by people whose lives were touched by my daughter. Many people have told me that they never met Trisha personally, but they followed her battle with cancer and were inspired by the way she continued to live life to the fullest.
Every now and then I break down and get angry at God for taking Trisha away. If He could make miracles for others, why couldn’t He save my daughter? Sometimes I lie awake at night and her last days at the hospital keep haunting me. Trisha looked so ethereal when I kissed her goodbye before she was cremated. (It was her wish to be cremated immediately and that the wake should be at the Santuario de San Jose in Greenhills, where her dad had his wake too, 16 years ago). She had a smile on her lips and she was so serene and beautiful. She looked like an angel.
The pain will always be there, a pain that cannot seem to disappear, a pain that is unexplainable. Only a mother who has lost a child can understand this.
These days I find great solace in visiting Trisha at her crypt. I bring her flowers and talk to her. It’s amazing that when I lose things, and I call on her help, I find whatever it is I’m looking for. I have also found great comfort in a group of mothers who, like me, have lost a child. We meet once a month to talk about our grief and our pain. I realized that one of the best ways to deal with the loss of a loved one is to talk about it. It is so comforting to cry on each other’s shoulder.
Trisha‘s true sense of identity was in her relationship – the day-to-day association at home, in school, with her friends – as well as her spiritual relationship with our Heavenly Father. She lived well, laughed often and loved her family, friends and pupils. She earned people’s admiration and the love of little children. She left the world a better place. Her strength, courage and resilience, and love for life continue to inspire people.
Tomorrow, her birthday, her friends are throwing a birthday party for Trisha at Dish. Her favorite band, Side A, will be performing, together with Diether Ocampo’s Blow. Diether has composed a special song for her which he will sing for the first time at the concert.
Another group performing is Sugar Shack. The concert will benefit the cancer patients of the UP-PGH pediatric ward.
For the last seven years or so, Trisha organized her Woodrose friends to visit a different charitable institution every Christmas. Instead of exchanging gifts, they pooled all their funds together and prepared food and gifts to the charity of their choice. Last year, she was planning to visit the cancer patients at the PGH pediatric ward. It never materialized because by then she was too weak. So her friends decided to make her last wish come true and came up with this concert.
Through it all, Trisha kept her composure with the utmost grace and dignity. There were only two occasions when I saw her really break down. The first time was when she began to lose her hair, and her friend Teresa Cuerva finally cut it all. The second time was when she had her bone marrow aspiration and biopsy test. I was waiting outside, when Trisha’s anguished cries shot through the air like arrows right through my heart. After the procedure, I went to console her and tried to stop myself from crying, but I broke down immediately upon seeing tears streaming down her pained face. I still remember it all so vividly – Trisha hugging me tightly, whimpering "Mom, it was so painful!"
Throughout her eight chemo sessions and 20 days of radiation, Trisha remained unbelievably patient and calm. She went about her usual activities, never letting her illness get in the way of her leading a normal life. Trisha possessed a new glow – she was even more beautiful, despite having lost all her hair, sporting bandanas and hats, still looking and feeling good. I never heard her complain, and she always kept a positive outlook about everything. Her illness brought us closer together and she became even more spiritual. I made my rounds of churches and said all the novenas I could lay my hands on for her healing and recovery.
When Trisha had her CT scan on January 15, 2002 her tumor was gone. She was on remission! We were all so happy, and absolutely positive that she was completely cured of the cancer. Before leaving for the States in March, Trisha had another CT scan, which showed that she was still clear of any tumors. She told me that her three-month stay in the US was the most memorable one she ever had. She was so happy! Someone swept her off her feet, followed her all over the USA and even across the seas – taking a trip to the Philippines to meet me, my family and Trisha‘s friend. She was simply radiant, she was in love! I remember praying hard that Trisha would be married by the time she turned 30. But before her 30th birthday, she was diagnosed with cancer, so I changed my prayers a bit and told the Lord "OK, she‘s fine now, but how about Trisha getting married before she turns 32?" But at 31 years old, she joined her Creator.
While Trisha was in the hospital, I surrendered her to the Lord and told Him, "Not my will but Yours, please spare Trisha from any pain, make me strong and make my faith even stronger." I’m so happy that the Lord allowed me to spend 17 days of quality time with my daughter looking for me, puckering up her lips for lots of kisses, making lambing all the time. She kept telling me she loved me and repeatedly asked if I love her. She’d ask me to hug and kiss her all the time. During my 60th birthday last November, Trisha gave me the most beautiful birthday card. "I know you’ve had a tough life and I admire how you’ve dealt with all the trials so far. Since I was stuck at home and felt helpless that I couldn’t even be part of the party planning, I thought of a creative gift which I hope you will appreciate."
She called it a "Memory Box," composed of 60 memories. Please read one memory a day, to lift your spirit when you are down.
I didn’t follow Trisha‘s instructions, I just couldn’t help but read all the memories in one go. Here are some of the 60 memories:
1) I remember the term of endearment you gave me – Triccie Anne – which I ended up liking.
2) I remember how proud you always are of us, even if sometimes it’s embarrassing to hear you monopolize the conversation talking about us.
3) I remember how you made sure to send us to the best schools to get the best education. I’m grateful for that because it gave me a chance to make great friends.
4) I remember those days you would take me to Mother Teresa‘s food feeding. It opened my eyes to reality and taught me humility.
5) I remember how you would drill into our heads the importance of sacraments in one’s life, and I’m glad you did because it made me feel closer to our Lord.
6) I remember how you had to be both a mom and dad to us. I know it was difficult, but we all turned out to be quite good kids.
7) I remember how confident you are with yourself, not needing any man to complete you. That’s truly amazing!
8) I remember how I sometimes take you for granted, not realizing that you also need a lot of love and attention.
9) I remember all the love, attention and babying I received from you during those chemo days. It felt good. Thank you so much, I needed it too!
10) I remember those chemo days in the hospital whenever I get up to pee and you’d always manage to wake up hard as I tried to be quiet. Thank you for always being there.
11) I remember the day I was told my cancer was back and you were there too. I was glad because you made me feel braver.
12) I remember the day I told you that I was going to go all alternative and you said you were going to back me up. It was a big load off my chest.
13) I remember how much happiness and laughter Sammi has brought into your life. I hope that one day I will make you a proud grandmother too.
14) I look forward to more happy memories together. Thank you for being the best mom you could ever be.
Trisha’s love for children has always amazed people, and how they loved her back is so heartwarming. Maybe God made this so, because He knew Trisha would be called early, so He gave her many children to love and love her back in return. Her most cherished dream was to get married and have children of her own. But God had other plans for her. Perhaps she was too good for this world. One friend commented that God wants beautiful angels around Him.
I can never forget our conversation one night when Trisha was in the hospital. She asked me how I felt. I asked: "About what?" She said, "About me, are you ready if God takes me?" I told her I refused to discuss this. "No Mommy, we have to talk about this!" I told Trisha that "no mother can ever be ready for the death of her child that’s why I keep praying for a miracle for you. I don’t want you to feel any pain. I want you to be brave and to never ever give up. For me to be strong, for my faith never to falter." I made her promise to never give up the fight. I reminded her about all the relatives, the friends, and many others praying for her and she assured me that she would not give up.
Until the very end, Trisha was the ever thoughtful and considerate person. At the hospital the doctors restricted visitors, so we had another room for them to hang around in. Trisha would call for her friends and relatives one by one to come see her. The lucky ones called would be so ecstatic like they were winners in a big contest being called to claim their prize! Trisha just wanted to make lambing with her loved ones, and perhaps say her goodbye. On New Year’s Eve, Trisha asked for a pen and paper as she had great difficulty speaking. She expressed her gratitude and love for everyone, even apologized for all the hassle her illness brought.
I’m very thankful Trisha did not suffer too much physical pain. She was spiritually prepared to meet our Lord. I cannot thank God enough for giving her a very peaceful death. RJ, Mitzi, Trina her Tito, Father Rafael Borromeo and I were all around her praying and singing as she fell asleep and took her last breath.
Trisha is still very much around. I know she’s praying for me to be strong. God will not allow anyone burdens they cannot handle. He gives us strength to endure when we need it most - this He gave me through all the relatives and countless friends who kept vigil during Trisha’s hospital confinement, the four-day wake, the nine-day novena masses, and up to this very day. Though I often find myself in denial, I have stopped asking "Why?" Trisha always told me that in the end, it’s only God who can decide when to take her life. Things really happen for a reason. "Be forgiving," Trisha said, "and don’t hold grudges."
As a mother, the best consolation I have received is the incessant outpouring of love that Trisha‘s death brought. I’m completely overwhelmed by the love and concern shown by people whose lives were touched by my daughter. Many people have told me that they never met Trisha personally, but they followed her battle with cancer and were inspired by the way she continued to live life to the fullest.
Every now and then I break down and get angry at God for taking Trisha away. If He could make miracles for others, why couldn’t He save my daughter? Sometimes I lie awake at night and her last days at the hospital keep haunting me. Trisha looked so ethereal when I kissed her goodbye before she was cremated. (It was her wish to be cremated immediately and that the wake should be at the Santuario de San Jose in Greenhills, where her dad had his wake too, 16 years ago). She had a smile on her lips and she was so serene and beautiful. She looked like an angel.
The pain will always be there, a pain that cannot seem to disappear, a pain that is unexplainable. Only a mother who has lost a child can understand this.
These days I find great solace in visiting Trisha at her crypt. I bring her flowers and talk to her. It’s amazing that when I lose things, and I call on her help, I find whatever it is I’m looking for. I have also found great comfort in a group of mothers who, like me, have lost a child. We meet once a month to talk about our grief and our pain. I realized that one of the best ways to deal with the loss of a loved one is to talk about it. It is so comforting to cry on each other’s shoulder.
Trisha‘s true sense of identity was in her relationship – the day-to-day association at home, in school, with her friends – as well as her spiritual relationship with our Heavenly Father. She lived well, laughed often and loved her family, friends and pupils. She earned people’s admiration and the love of little children. She left the world a better place. Her strength, courage and resilience, and love for life continue to inspire people.
Another group performing is Sugar Shack. The concert will benefit the cancer patients of the UP-PGH pediatric ward.
For the last seven years or so, Trisha organized her Woodrose friends to visit a different charitable institution every Christmas. Instead of exchanging gifts, they pooled all their funds together and prepared food and gifts to the charity of their choice. Last year, she was planning to visit the cancer patients at the PGH pediatric ward. It never materialized because by then she was too weak. So her friends decided to make her last wish come true and came up with this concert.
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