In praise of a Giver

Manila, Philippines -  I write this article with enthusiasm in praise of a remarkable giver. Though she is not a prominent person and she has done nothing spectacular, dramatic or sensational in her life, her story is worth sharing.

She is unusually generous, a rarity in our self-centered society. Her trait may well be the clue in attaining the peace that we want for our families, communities and country.

Mary Morales, a widow at 82, is the matriarch of a peaceful, happy family in Sta. Ana, Manila. Love and harmony prevail in her home. I know this because I have been boarding there for two years. I have never sensed conflicts among her children, who now have their own families. No serious conflicts, no rivalry, no animosity. The emotional climate is one of love, sharing, patience, tolerance, understanding, giving and forgiving.

In the street where she lives, Mrs. Morales, affectionately called Mommy, has a reputation as someone who can be approached for help. Though not a government official, a wealthy philanthropist, or celebrated charity worker, she is a magnet for requests for financial assistance. Be it stipend for a priest, flowers for the chapel, medicine for the sick – she gladly gives when her funds will allow.

She does not distribute relief goods to victims of tragedies and calamities. Rather, she is a giver in the level of everyday need. Giving is her way of life. It is her vitamin pill, her tonic, which keeps her healthy, sprightly and beautiful at her age.

Generosity, like love, is contagious. It sets off a chain reaction of good feeling. Generosity serves as the oil that smoothes out the rough edges in human relationships. And as they say, nothing that the heart gives away is lost; it is kept in the hearts of others.

Mommy Morales is generous not only to family, relatives, friends, acquaintances, but also to strangers. She does not avail herself of senior citizen’s discount when riding jeepneys. You can imagine how good the driver feels about this unexpected act of generosity – a good feeling that definitely will have a multiplier effect in the way he will in turn deal with other people.

The principle behind this simple act – creating goodwill through kindness and consideration for the needs of others – is how an environment of peace could be created and replicated in other forms and ways in the bigger society.

When Mommy chances upon ambulant vendors pounding the street under the heat of the sun, she buys the item peddled even if she has no immediate need for it. “It is important for the vendor to make a sale so that he will have hope,” she tells me. At the market, she does not haggle. “The vendor badly needs the small profit she will make from her small business. All I want is for her to be honest,” she says. It is no wonder that she is a welcome presence wherever she goes. Pedicab drivers outdo each other in getting her to ride in their vehicle, for she pays double the fare.

If only more people have this attitude of sharing their blessings with the poor. But, unfortunately, this is not the case. Many people who are far richer than she is will not part with their money to help the poor. In fact, they will do everything to make more money and increase their wealth, even at the expense of the poor.

But Mommy has no interest in saving money inordinately. It is enough that she has stashed away something for emergencies. She believes that money – and the good things that money can buy – is something to be shared, especially with the less fortunate.

As owner of several apartment units, she has tenants who don’t pay rent on time. But she does not evict tenants who are several months overdue, neither does she utter harsh words to compel them to pay up. “If they could pay, they would,” she says. “With the problems that these tenants are facing in trying to survive, hurting their feelings will drive them to the wall,” she says. This remarkable woman has no talent or taste for hurting the feelings of people.

One night, we were watching TV when in came a tenant in tears. His new-born baby was very sick, he wailed, and he needed P3,000 for medicine. Without a word, Mommy shelled out the amount that the distraught father was asking for. I was to learn later that the man had not been paying rent for several months, but it was no matter to the generous woman who has a heart of gold, possessed of an angel-like kindness. In a world of selfishness and greed, here is one woman who shares her blessings because of love – the essence of the Christian way of life. The world will truly be a better place if more people will be like her.

You must be wondering why and how Mommy came to be such a generous person. She was not always in a position to give. In fact, she used to be dirt-poor, and her family ate only two meals a day. Many times their meal consisted of watery lugao (porridge) flavored with salt. She worked as servant, lavandera (washerwoman) or vendor, and together with her husband did odd jobs for well-to-do families.

But after years of hardship, good fortune smiled at last and one morning she woke up to realize that her life had taken a turn for the better. She was no longer in need.

But she has never forgotten how it feels to be in need. She has not forgotten the hungry years. Today, when someone comes to her for help, she remembers the times she knocked on someone’s door for a small loan, practically begging, but many times she would be denied and dismissed haughtily. She would walk away dazed, fighting back tears, and at wit’s end on how to tide her family over for the day. It’s a pain like no other, she says, and she has made it a vow not to inflict such pain on others.