KRIS and tell

Once upon a time, there was a princess in a far away land who met her husband by kissing a frog. As the fairy tale goes, after the kiss the frog turned out to be a good looking prince. We will never know if the prince was kind and really charming or a wife beater who loved to abuse his mate by threatening her with 39 lashes just to keep her in line.

Here in the Philippines, we have our own princess who seems to be forever kissing toads who unfortunately do not turn into princes but remain just that–toads, or plain cads who, instead of happiness bring misery and heartache not only to the princess, but also to her family, friends and countless fans.

She captured our imagination and curiosity ever since she was young. People still remember that little girl with glasses who fearlessly campaigned for her father who was incarcerated during the years of martial law. Now, she is a celebrity in her own right with legions of fans who follow every twist and turn not just of her career but of her colorful lovelife.

You may love her or hate her, but you cannot ignore her. Pretty, intelligent and vivacious, she is everywhere–on television, billboards, magazine covers and movies. She has her own style of dressing, her own way of talking and yes, her own way of loving men. Everything she does is fodder for media, from the clothes and accessories she wears as host of Game Ka Na Ba, her sometimes tactless remarks on Morning Girls and The Buzz to the tiny details of her romances. From Aparri to Jolo, everybody knows Kris Aquino.

Once more, she has managed to put herself on the national centerstage with her "tell all" interview last week on her home channel, ABS-CBN. Until that time, people have rarely seen a non-made up Kris Aquino on camera, on the verge of tears but in a feisty, fighting mood, ready to slug it out with erstwhile lover Joey Marquez whom she accused of pointing a loaded gun at her.

The people lapped it all up. Tired of the Senate circus dubbed "In search of Jose Pidal", rumors of a second coup and the pre-mature campaign posings of candidates for the 2004 elections, the Kris-Joey TV talkfest was a welcome diversion and was the prime news event of the week. It was a respite from the gloomy kidnapping statistics and terrorist acts committed in several parts of the globe. Though it added to the inanities of daily life, nobody was bored–and everyone kept up with the latest happening in both camps.

The revelations and charges made by both Kris and Joey on rival tv stations kept everyone glued to their television sets. It was pure entertainment on prime time–beats all telenovelas whether Chinese or Mexican.

What should have been a private affair between two people became a topic of national import, given the wide coverage by media. The intense scrutiny on the lives of the two celebrities gave people reason to be instant experts on relationships.

Reactions varied from pure disgust for two showbiz people who flaunted affairs and conventions (which would not in any way help in the national economic recovery effoty) to sympathy for a crying Kris who revealed how she was psychologically and physically abused by the basketball player-turned-comic-turned-mayor, who meanwhile projected a meek as a lamb figure while being interviewed by Mel Tiangco.

Opinions were divided. Either you were for Kris or for Joey. To what low has this country sunk was the question posed by cynics who were outraged at media for focusing inordinate attention on the Kris- Joey affair when there were more important issues to be tackled.

Like it or not, the real life drama that unfolded last week before millions of Filipinos might just serve a purpose in the long run. Kris’ startling confessions on national television did something good for a lot of women. As pointed out by some women advocates, if someone like Kris, who seemed to have it all, could still be a victim of domestic violence, what about those who have less in life and who do not have the voice to speak up for themselves.

Her candor in admitting that she committed mistakes in loving unwisely and paying a high price for them won public sympathy, especially among female viewers who were visibly touched and teary-eyed after the show.

As some viewers put it, this episode in Kris’ life should teach womanizers not to push their partners to the limit or else suffer the consequences. A person can only take so much, especially in the case of Kris who gave up all in the name of love. Nobody deserves to be treated like a doormat, whether one is a wife or a mistress. Worse, after being betrayed not once but several times, to be the recipient of a sexually transmitted disease is the most revolting. Wayward partners should be responsible enough to inform their mates about the disease and not let it progress to the point that medical intervention will be too late.

The newspaper columns of male opinion makers who still obviously hold to a double standard when it comes to morality made some female readers hit the roof. One even said that no Filipino male would ever go with Kris again because of her admission of having contracted STD.

Why is it that if a woman openly admits to her sexuality she is immediately condemned as a slut or pakawala, while a man who admits to having several partners is hailed as macho? It’s about time that our men take a look at themselves in the mirror.

Dr. Ted Abas, a psychiatrist, says Kris did the right thing in coming out. He refers to the existence of the Battered Woman Syndrome, a disease common among abused women who keep the physical and psychological hurts to themselves and do not seek medical help. After a period of time and if left unattended, it will be hard to mend the damage from the traumatic experience suffered by the victims.

There are a lot of battered women among his patients, but he says they are usually referred to women psychiatrists and psychotherapists who would be in a better position to help other women. Abas says that in general, male psychiatrists refrain from handling such cases.

Abas continues, "In relationships, there is this unspoken rule among husbands and wives that during quarrels, partners should not use past relationships against each other. The verbal abuse heaped on a person by a partner should not be allowed or tolerated."

As for Joey, Dr. Abas says that what he is alleged to have done is not part of the Malay macho culture. Aiming a gun at an unarmed person, especially a woman, as alleged by Kris, showed immaturity and his license should be cancelled since he showed himself as an irresponsible gun owner.

Love makes the world go round and lovers will fight, kiss and make up. But this time, the Kris-Joey saga might just be the exception with almost everyone joining the fray. There could be a long drawn court battle or a case of reconciliation. It’s anybody’s guess.

Meanwhile, maybe we should all re-read the book Smart Women, Foolish Choices.