On 'running' relationships, heartbreaks
Three years ago, 29-year-old Ralph Ranil Lagrisola found himself spending his quiet moments while running to the tune of Ben & Ben, December Avenue, IV of Spades, and even have “Let Me Be the One” by Jimmy Bondoc on repeat. While other runners would have upbeat playlists to accompany them, the heartbroken Lagrisola took running as his time to get emotional.
“That time, I was confused and at the back of my mind, I felt it’s still going to work since we had an on-and-off relationship,” he said. “Then I found out that there’s someone new [in her life] so I can’t do anything anymore.”
Coping with the heartbreak, he tried to focus on other things — active sports such as bowling, wakeboarding and running — while taking up his Master’s degree. Lagrisola, who is now a Master’s degree holder, admitted that running somehow became his reflection time.
“I didn’t even have an idea what the ‘self-love’ concept was about. [But] that time na hindi ako yung pinili, pinili ko na lang 'yung sarili ko (when she didn’t choose me, I chose myself),” Lagrisola said.
When the pandemic happened, Lagrisola said running was the activity he most clung on to. While recovering, people around him started to see the transformation: from weighing about 210 lbs., he’s lost about 40 lbs. since he started.
“Like running, love is when you pace. People think running is always about who's going the fastest, but it's not about the speed but the pace and everything will fall into place,” he said.
Mental toughness
Like Lagrisola, 26-year-old Jessica Lina also took running as her coping mechanism after a breakup. After her last relationship in 2021, she concentrated into training for her upcoming competition for the Ayala Philippine Athletics Championships (APAC) organized by the Philippine Athletics Track and Field Association (PATAFA) with Coach Ken Mendola of We Ken Run.
“Since my work schedule at that time was from 4 p.m. to 1 a.m., I would have no choice but to train at 10 a.m. or even 12 noon, which was very hot and humid,” she said. “[I’ve] realized that there were many things I needed to work on internally, so for the last few months I've putting conscious effort into self-improvement.”
Lina believes that besides training the body, running also trains the mind and teaches one to know a lot about themselves. She said it helped her build her mental toughness as well.
“The really hard runs which make me want to give up, but finish it anyway and I feel stronger for it. It's a good metaphor to life and heart breaks,” she said.
What helped her mostly was doing long runs alone and getting into the process of whatever is bothering her. Lina said this was her way to destress and she always end up finishing fulfilled and happier.
“The beauty of running is it is whatever you make of it, and this can spill over to the other aspects in our lives. That's when I knew the love for running is real,” Lina said.
Competitive couple
Running, however, is not just an activity for the heartbroken ones. For Richie Avigale Ramos-Pilares, a 41-year-old senior partner of Puno Law, it was her way to somehow get competitive with her husband, Ricardo “Jun” Pilares III, a 40-year-old general counsel vice president for legal of Metro Pacific Investment Corporation, outside the legal field.
Despite their busy schedules, Richie said she was able to convince Jun to get into the sport. Jun was more into basketball, but when the pandemic happened, he did not have any choice but to consider other means of getting active.
Richie started training in 2018 when she joined The Bull Runner marathon. When Jun noticed that she can eat anything without gaining any weight and had better endurance, he decided to try out running.
“Before, his excuse was his knee was painful so he cannot run. When he started to train with Coach Ken, that's when he started with slow runs and eventually now, he's a bit faster,” Richie said.
Now that they are running together, Richie and Jun found means to bond even more. Richie’s attendance with the We Ken Run trainings on Sundays became more consistent because Jun can already drive her going to Alabang where it was held.
“Since he can run longer now, we can start the run and end the run at the same time,” she said. “But tinatrashtalk ko siya kasi mas mabilis ako sa kanya which is unusual because usually guys are a lot faster, right?”
Richie admitted that she gets competitive because she wants him to improve and ultimately, the goal is for them to run a marathon together someday. She said Jun plans to join a marathon next year, Richie is set to run the Berlin marathon by September, and they are also convincing their kids to run on a treadmill for now.
It also helped out for them to be part of the We Ken Run community because Richie said for couples, it cannot just be the two of you all the time. “You also need [other] people to challenge you.”
As they are both lawyers, arguing was inevitable for the two of them. But Richie said like in running, even if you are about to give up, you have the drive to finish the run assigned to you.
“In marriage, there are days you feel like giving up but you realize the bigger picture that there is no hardship that you cannot overcome. Like in life, there are hard days and there are harder days. The harder days make it seem easy,” she said.
Valentine’s Day training
Now gearing up for two marathons — IronMan, which is less than three weeks away, and the Berlin Marathon in September — Lagrisola continues his training but this time, with a different playlist. He changed it to something positive and more forward-looking songs such as those of UDD’s.
Lagrisola, who is the hopeless romantic in the We Ken Run group, did not give up on love yet and even quipped, “Baka kung wala dito sa Pilipinas si The One, baka nasa ibang bansa. (If The One is not here in the Philippines, she might be in another country).”
But for February 14, he plans to go out with friends and family instead then continue training for the marathons.
Looking back to his experience, he said, “The best thing with this kind of pain is that it hurts you or it changes you. In my part, it really changed me.”
Lina, who’s also not giving up on love just yet, looks at running the same way as dealing with love life. “Both require effort and both can be painful. But if you put in the work and stay patient, while taking in the good and the bad, it's [going to be] worth it.”
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