Finding your father in you

Father’s Day. Some would call it a contrivance, an offshoot of the larger celebration of Mother’s Day. Perhaps, and maybe it is another opportunity for crass commercialism, but from a father’s perspective, it can also be a welcome reprieve, a rare occasion to be acknowledged and, just maybe, receive reciprocation. At any rate, it will feed the endless debate of how much fathers are worth.

Much as most passions and professions owe their history to one patriarch starting along that line, the same applies for sports. There are a few common threads why someone is nudged along that path. For Muhammad Ali, boxing was a way to avoid being bullied after his bicycle was stolen. Mike Tyson was at the opposite end of the scale, taught to box to channel his aggression and criminal bent while in juvenile detention. Still others found sports a means to emulate their idols, the way a young Ato Agustin played with a little plastic orange while idolizing Atoy Co. For many swimmers, it was a way to overcome asthma. For others, it was a way to belong to a group, and simultaneously feel protected.

One noticeable trend, though, is not that many children truly follow their parent’s path, or achieve as much success in the same field. In many others, such as the law, medicine and business, working in the same office as a successful parent smooths the transition into the family line, and provides a safe environment to learn the ropes. You also have access to the resources and contacts your father or mother built through the years. In some ways, there are shorter steps to the top. Obviously, many founders of corporations choose to keep ownership in the family. That often makes things easier, even if you are occasionally compared to your elder.

In sports, it isn’t really the same. Granted, you may be the progeny of a sporting great, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get the same breaks, or have the same talent, or even the same physical make-up as your parent. The child of a basketball player may not be as tall as his father. And his mother may not want him involved in contact sports. Parenting has also evolved over the decades, so it’s possible that the child may not be put through the same hardship that the parent underwent.

For many athletes, professional sports is a way to get a free education and build wealth. That means their children will live more comfortable lives and probably get better education, which means they may not have the same hunger as their parents, and may not have the same inclination to find success through hard physical work. They may tend to build on their parents’ achievements through investments and financial planning, not the same sweat and practice in the gym. Children of great athletes may not see the necessity of doing things themselves when they can get someone else to do it for them. As the saying goes, the first generation builds it, the second generation maintains it, the third generation destroys it.

Another important deterrent is being compared to one’s parent, particularly if he or she is a world-class athlete or perennial national team member. This may be the biggest reason why the vast majority of children of sports greats don’t achieve as much, or even go into the same sports as their parents. Living in someone’s shadow is being in a dark place where you don’t have your own identity, and much is unfairly expected of you. When my sons were very young, I made it clear to them that I expected each of them to have a sport, any sport, for their health and to help their values. Though I’m silently glad they eventually found a similar passion for basketball after trying other sports, I purposely refrained from influencing them myself. It wasn’t easy.

Athletic trends are also another influence. I’ve met many children of volleyball players and runners who said there was no professional league in their sport, so they shifted to basketball. Today’s trend of mixed martial arts may have the same effect on the next generation of athletes. And for sure, the fame of the Azkals and Manny Pacquiao has created a boom in their sports, whether for serious or recreational athletes, the same way many young girls tried track and field in Lydia de Vega’s day.

For the parent, it is important to let their children find their own way. Excellence comes in many forms. Some of us are great in school while others are street smart. Some get their biggest learning from books, others from their day-to-day dealings with people. At the end of the day, we can’t force our children into the molds we created. They have their own lives to lead, their own identities to craft. One thing I found surprising, though, is that it can be passed down from one generation to the next. As I’ve written before, I met my biological father when I was 23. He was a heavyweight boxer in college, and eventually pursued advertising as a career. I was an athlete and became a sports broadcaster and journalist, which is not too far off.  Considering I had never met him and lived about 10,000 miles away, that’s pretty amazing.

Sports is a great environment to be around, but it has a different purpose for everybody. Some live in it, some live through it, some live off it. We are not our parents, but we have them in us. Something to think about as another Father’s Day passes.