Bizarre baseball injuries

The rash of injuries in last week’s NBA All-Star Game prompted many fans to wonder if players are serious about playing in the game at all. Considering that it was described by some Ame-rican colum-nists as a game remem-bered more for where it was played than the game itself, this doesn’t sound too far-fetched.

It also prompted this writer to look into the strangest sports injuries that have actually kept players out of games. Ironically, many of them are found in Major League Baseball, where there is much less physical contact, and almost all of them outside the diamond.

Let’s begin with the Atlanta Braves’ John Smoltz, one of the most outstanding pitchers of his generation. An All-State player who was drafted by the Detroit Tigers in 1985, he has been compared to the best of all time. But he is not, however, trained to do housework.

Smoltz was once scalded while ironing a shirt–which wouldn’t be so bad, if not for the fact that he was wearing it at the time.

There’s also the case of a player who was injured because of a bad dream. Glenallen Hill played 13 years in MLB, and started his career with the Toronto Blue Jays. One night, he dreamt he was covered in spiders, one of his greatest fears. He tumbled out of bed and onto a glass side table, shattering it, and wounding himself, causing his being put on the injured list.

There are many cases of baseball players hurting their backs, but the next two cases are quite unique.

Hall of Famer Wade Boggs, a master at collecting batting titles, once injured himself in the most unceremonious of ways – while putting on a pair of cowboy boots. The "footwear malfunction" kept him out of seven games. Meanwhile, Sammy Sosa, who gained fame chasing Mark McGwire in their record-setting batting duel in 1998, also hurt his back – by sneezing.

If you think children shouldn’t play with knives, you may want to modify that rule. When pitcher Adam Eaton was with the San Diego Padres, he wanted to relax at home by watching a movie, but couldn’t seem to unwrap the DVD he had just bought. The current Philadelphia Philly tried a paring knife, accidentally stabbed himself, and had to be rushed to the nearest emergency room. He himself said it was "boneheaded".

And when they say "Don’t try this at home" when trying unusual world records, they mean it. Fired up by the motivational seminar hosted by the Milwaukee Brewers, Steve Sparks wanted to show them that he, too, could rip telephone books in half. If he had thought about it further, maybe he wouldn’t have dislocated his shoulder.

Journeyman Kevin Mitchell, meanwhile, does everyone one better with two strange injuries. First, he strains his rib muscles while vomiting, which was bad enough. But he became the first pro player incapacitated by eating a doughnut. Mitchell was four days late for spring training in 1990 because he ate a doughnut, then needed root canal.

What about a bad case of indoor sunburn?

1995 American League Rookie of the Year Marty Cordova was not allowed to go outdoors once, and it wasn’t because his mother told him not to play outside. Wanting to get a good tan, Cordova burned his face under tanning lamps. Doctors told him and his team – then the Baltimore Orioles – that he had to stay out of direct sunlight.

Here’s one that outdoes even Mike Tyson. Left-handed batter Clarence Blethen, who played back in the 1920’s and 1930’s, once left his false teeth in his pocket during a game. Sliding into second base, he accidentally "bit" himself in the leg.

But perhaps the lamest sports injury (and the worst) belongs to Cincinnati Reds pitcher Scott Williamson. Williamson’s 2002 season abruptly ended a few weeks early, when he accidentally slammed a bathroom door on his foot, crushing two of his toes, and placing him on the disabled list.

I wonder how hard that was to explain. Remind me how much these players are paid.