Teach the children well

This summer, sports camps are making a killing, as parents drive their children out of the house by giving them something to do (and avoid being eaten out of house and home). But, as a budding sports parent, and having read about and observed sports parents over many years, I’ve gathered some advice that may save you and your child a bit of the discomfort in finding their sports niche.

Be Democratic. Choose the sport with your child. Don’t just say "You will be a golfer, or else!" That doesn’t work, and your child may be discouraged from taking sports altogether. In fact, the children of many great athletes here and overseas choose to take different paths of success. They may want to blaze their own trail, and not follow in their father’s or mother’s footsteps. Even among siblings, this is quite prevalent. Families go into multiple sports because each child wants to stamp his own identity on his sport.

Though you don’t necessarily want the child to make all his decisions because he or she isn’t ready for the responsibility, let them have a say. They may go along with you out of fear or a desire to please, so you have to dig a little deeper. Let them try out other sports or activities. My own sons took their own paths. Vincent, my eldest, tried swimming and baseball. My youngest, Daniel, also swam and became a wall-climber. Finally, they decide they wanted to try basketball. I heaved a sigh of relief. But who knows what they’ll try next?

Be Flexible. Your child may not want to finish the camp or workshop. Maybe they don’t have the patience for it, or maybe they just aren’t ready. My sons went through the same thing last year. Now they have the drive to stick to it. Let them grow at their pace, and discuss the level of commitment needed with them every step of the way. Children are not little adults, they are developing individuals.

Build Up Gradually. You don’t need to buy them top of the line equipment right away. For example, many golf shops carry slightly-used kids’ clubs. You may unnecessarily pour money into a passing fancy. At the same time, your kid is still learning the game, so you don’t want them damaging high-priced equipment early in the game. Besides, it’s still fun at the early stage. Brand-name equipment and branded gear may not be appropriate at that point. Does he really need a Mark McGuire bat, or Michael Jordan’s shoes now? Remember, children outgrow uniforms in a matter of months.

Back Off. Let the coach coach, and let the trainer train. Parents naturally have more sporting experience than their children, so we often want to teach them what we know. But if we aren’t updated, then we should trust the experts to do their job. Sometimes, stage parents second-guess the trainors, and conflict ensues. I’ve heard of some swimming instructors who ban parents from their classes, because the parents don’t like seeing their children tossed into the water. But if the coach yells at your child or uses foul language, then that’s another matter. By all means, give them a piece of your mind, or take your child out.

Cheer, Don’t Interfere. Parental pride is a very strong emotion. But it can also be expressed in private. I’m sure our children won’t mind us cheering for them, let’s just not get carried away. Support,don’tintrude. And let’s not put down other kids, umpires, coaches and referees. It sets a bad example. Let’s handle disputes in calm, sensible demeanor. After all, WE are the adults, anyway. And this is THEIR experience, not a continuation of ours.

Watch for Peer Pressure. Why does your child want to take up a sport? Is it to be with his friends, or to learn something new, or both? In wanting to belong, children sometimes go out of their way to follow their friends. It is a ticklish issue, too, and may cause conflict between the parent, child, and friends. Maintaining an open relationship with the child will allow them the chance to admit when they feel the need to be with their friends for security, and when they want to stand on their own.

Give Post-Game Pep Talks. They may not want to talk about their frustrations right away, but if you make it clear to them that you will be there to listen, they will eventually open up at their own pace. Many children are still unsure what to do about their feelings, or how to deal with them. This happens at several stages of a child’s life. As a parent, let them know the door is open, as they process their experiences. They will appreciate this greatly.

Be There. Most importantly, you have to be there for your child. You don’t have to attend every session or be at every activity, but at least at the start and at the end, a sign of support goes a long way. Your child will know you care more by seeing you there than by being told you paid the tuition. Children are still learning socially acceptable ways of expressing themselves, and this includes gratitude. It won’t be too bad to fish for what they want. Many kids just want to know that their parents are there, in the background, rooting for them. Often, that is all they need.

Get Into The Game. Finally, it may help to brush up on the game ourselves. We all have some tricks of the trade we can pass on to our offspring. And it makes the sport a family affair, as well. You don’t have to be Olympic-class, and your children don’t expect it. But the effort to know the game will go a long way. And it provides an opportunity to bond with your child.

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This week’s episode of The Basketball Show will be pre-empted to give way for the PBA provincial games. We will resume next Saturday at 4 p.m. over IBC-13. You may reach me at [email protected] or [email protected].