Golf Rules

I've got a joke about the Three Kings that I couldn't tell earlier. But, what the heck, the Christmas season is over and, sinner that I am, I can no longer stop myself from telling this rather irreverent tale. Besides, they, like St. Christopher, have turned out perhaps to be mere allegorical figures. The Three Kings (or Magi, or Wise Men, or non-Jewish astronomers, or whatever -- with their symbolic and probably mythical gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh) are thus losing their starring roles in our celebration of the Epiphany.

So here goes:

It seems the Three Kings were sitting around their campfire one night, resting from their long travels in search of the Child. "Look at yonder star," said the first. As the second got up for a better look, he stepped on fresh camel droppings. "Jesus Christ," he muttered in dismay.

"Hey," the third remarked, "that's a great name for The Kid!"

And, hey, speaking of names, let's call the NGAP the PNGA instead -- for Palpak National Golf Association, since it has been such a failure in serving the needs of the common golfer.

Headed all these years by smart and clever people (its president is retired general and current congressman Ed Ermita, by all accounts a man with a superior intellect) why can't it do even simple things right? For instance, since the new Rules of Golf went into effect on January 1, shouldn't the obsolete Rule Books be replaced not later than that date?

The honchos at the helm of our national golf association have always known, of course, that the Rules of Golf are refined every four years. They knew that the preceding Rule Book came into effect 1st January 1996, hence they knew all along that the latest version would be in force on the first day of the year 2000.

But today, two full weeks after D-Day, why hasn't our national golf association managed to place in your hand a copy of the new Rules? Incredibly, four years ago, these same guys were also late. Man, oh, man -- they never learn!

It's OK to make a mistake; it proves that you're human. But to make the same mistake twice, what does that make you? Subhuman?

Let me assure the guys at the NGAP, though, that I'm not sore at anyone. In fact, I'm laughing as I write these words. I wish you well, all of you, especially Jake and Hazel. I just wish you had ordered the booklets earlier. Why didn't you act sooner this time? After all, it didn't cost you cent. All you had to do was ask. You know Rule Books have been gladly given away, gratis et amore since 1908, by a British insurance company now known as the Royal & SunAlliance.

You say the Rule Books got stuck at Customs -- but that's the same problem you had 4 years ago (and they only got unstuck after I informed then President Ramos about the snafu). Why are you being confronted with the same problem again? Can't you assure the Customs Commissioner that the Rule Books have no commercial value and that they are to be distributed to golfers free of charge?

Meantime, desperate tournament organizers could buy a Rule Book from the US. Or access the new Rules at www.usga.org (the R&A website still has the old Rules).

Q. [phoned in by Rudy Cabilao] Making a practice swing, the player accidentally struck his ball which in turn hit his caddie. He reteed his ball and penalized himself two strokes. Did he proceed correctly?

A. Yes and no. Yes, it was correct to retee; but no, it was incorrect to give himself a penalty. Why? Because he only made a practice swing. Hence, no stroke should be counted and no penalty imposed.

On the other hand, if he made a "stroke" which by definition is the "forward movement of the club made with the intention of fairly striking at and moving the ball," he would have broken Rule 19-2, which provides a penalty of loss of hole in match play or two strokes in stroke play, "...if a player's ball in motion after a stroke is accidentally deflected or stopped by [his caddie]..." Furthermore, in match play, since his penalty is loss of hole, he would simply pick up his ball and go on to the next tee; neither may he retee in stroke play, he would have to play the ball where it lies after its accidental collision with his caddie.

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