Riding in Cars with Boys

MANILA, Philippines - You’d think that what all girls want is a guy with a nice car. And you’d think the nicer the car the yummier the girl, right? Well, cliches are cliches because they are true. But most times the relationship of women with cars and with the men who drive them really get to be more than my-boyfriend’s-got-a-better-car-than-your-boyfriend.

For the most part as young girls our initial experiences of riding in cars is with our dads. So we are used to riding in cars and feeling like princesses. But that does come with its own set of pressures as usually a ride in dad’s car would mean an instant parent-daughter conversation. For when else does dad ever get a chance to bring up serious topics like “no boyfriends, put school first” and have a good excuse for not maintaining eye contact than when he is driving and therefore has to keep his eyes on the road? So as much as we are used to having our own chauffeur in the form of our dads, it does come with a whole lot of fiddling with the radio or endless chattering so dad never gets a chance to bring up his point. Besides, driving gives him all the opportunities for distractions in case he wants to avoid confrontation.

The 2001 movie “Riding in Cars with Boys” may have been such a disappointment to a whole lot of hormonal teenage boys who would assume the movie is about the sordid things that happen in the backseat of cars. This film starring Drew Barrymore is based on the autobiography “Riding in Cars with Boys: Confessions of a Bad Girl Who Makes Good” by Beverly Donofrio and except for the heroine getting knocked up at 15 years old in the front passenger seat of a car with all the windows fogged up, there is nothing remotely sexual about it. In fact the film traces Beverly Donofrio’s transformation from teenage mother and wife of a teenage heroin-addict to a successful writer and graduate student all while destitute and caring for a son.

One of the more poignant scenes in the movie is when Barrymore is in the car with her stern but loving police officer-father played by James Woods. He has projected his hopes unto her and she has just failed him miserably. Yet in this short ride around town in his police car, father and daughter begin to reconnect and forgive each other. For a while as they drive around in the protective shell of his car one would feel that Barrymore was safe from all the everyday terrors of her out-of-control life. When she opens the door and steps onto the curb, it’s as if all her troubles come rushing back to instantly overwhelm her.

“Riding in Cars with Boys” is a fluff of a movie but the title resonates of quite a significant moment in a girl’s life. Nobody really makes much out of it the way they do of the prom or one’s 18th birthday. But don’t you think the moment when a boy opens the door of a car for you and you slide onto the passenger seat it does mean a great deal like going on your very first date or having your first kiss? In a way riding in a car with a boy is trusting him with your life.

A lot has been said about dinner at a nice restaurant, or catching a movie together, getting drinks at a bar or nursing coffee in a cafe. One would think relationships make or break it on these crucial moments. Yet a lot more truly transpires on the way to or back from a date, in the relative darkness of a car cruising along a familiar stretch of road.

It’s not even about the way he drives or if he follows the traffic rules, how courteous he is to other drivers or how attentive he can still be of you while he is driving. It’s the proximity and isolation. It’s the intimacy and open silences that a car inevitably provides.

The inside of a car is a tiny world all its own where one can control the temperature, the lighting, the music. The rest of the world remains outside while only the two of you temporarily have to be trapped in this tiny egg with four wheels and headlights. In true Einsteinian fashion with the guy at the wheel, time and speed become relative. Is he driving as slow as he can prolonging this moment or is he careening through every yellow light and couldn’t wait to deposit you at your front door?

Riding in cars with boys is more complicated than you think. Sometimes you can tell how a boy loves with how he drives, but that’s another story.