Learning to Live by Living

When Pacita Jacinto invited me to the launching of Life on the Cusp, a compilation of essays which had been edited and put together by her daughter Mert Loinaz and Rita Ledesma, we both had trouble with the word "cusp".

"What is ‘cusp’, how do you spell it?" Like most of our generation, we are not familiar with astrology.

Pacita said, "I am not sure–but I think the main theme of the book is Life at almost sixty."

"Sixty!" I exclaimed. "Oh, to be sixty again! These people are kids– maybe we could tell them a thing or two about life 25 years after sixty!"

And thinking that, I went to the launching at the Polo Club Turf Room. I bought a copy of the book and went around getting the authors to sign. Sure enough I found out that I had first known most of them when they were children (many of them were children of good friends of mine); in some cases, I knew them when they were babes in arms.

Anabel Alejandrino I first saw as a toddler being taken out for an airing by her mother, Techie Velasquez. Mary Grace Katigbak was –and still is–the pride and joy of my friend Evelina Pines with whom I had shared many a campus happening in dear old UP. Alfredo Roces was the youngest of the many rambunctious Roces boys who contributed his share of the background noise whenever we were having Sunday lunch at the old Roces house on Taft Avenue–whose approximity to the old Masonic Temple was for me its most attractive feature. Every Sunday during the early days of the Japanese occupation the Roceses would invite me to lunch so I could bring my first baby to hold up before an open window so she could be seen by her father who was a prisoner of war imprisoned along with other Signal Corps officers in the Masonic Temple.

Even Father Bobby Perez–who at 70 is the oldest of the authors–I knew as a young boy who would often come to our house bringing cakes that he and his brother Spanky had baked. Their mother, Elang Perez, who was also a mother to all of us starting out as cub reporters in the old Herald, always was so proud that her sons knew how to bake!

Many of the other authors of this book on effective living were friends and contemporaries of my own children–Sylvia Mayuga, Barbara Gonzalez whom I always knew by her baby nickname "Tweetums". And now all these "kids" had written in a book on effective living! What in the world would they have to say?

It was only when I got home and started to read the book that I found out that these "kids" had a lot to say about living. These "children" had really lived. In some cases they had lived more colorful lives than we could ever have imagined. They wrote of their experiences as they went from childhood to young adulthood to a vibrant fulfilled life on the threshold of old age. Their essays are replete with phrases like "freedom to be yourself"... "self discovery"... "inner peace"... "true fulfillment".

These people as young adults were all successful in their chosen profession:

• Asuncion David Maramba was 40 years in the academic field as a professor;

• Joy Virata had an MA in Business Administration and was wife to a high profile government official and Prime Minister;

• Erlinda Panlilio had taken up Hotel and Restaurant Management and was part of the highly successful family restaurant business;

• Jaime Zobel, of course, was head of the top corporation in the country;

• Jim Paredes was a member of the APO Hiking Society which was formed when he was an Ateneo undergrad and which later became a very popular professional singing group;

• etc. etc.

Then in one defining moment, they decided to free themselves from the set structural pattern of their chosen professional careers and make the momentous change from "earning a living" to creative living. Keywords are "my true self"... "the inner self"... "freedom"... "fulfillment". This was a conscious choice and a determination to change their life perspective to de-emphasize the usual goals of financial and professional success and concentrate on discovering their true selves, finding deeper satisfaction and fulfillment and the greatest joy.

So Anabel Alejandrino and Phyllis Zaballero discovered the joy of painting. Jim Paredes stopped prostituting his talents for financial gain and decided to use them in more creative ways to give new meaning and direction to his life. Joy Virata found true fulfillment in the theater after what she called "being a non-entity" as Prime Minister’s wife.

Many, like Erlinda Panlilio and Lourdes Montinola, discovered writing and found joy in self expression and self discovery. All of them demonstrated a heightened appreciation of the good things of this world–the eternal beauty of nature, the basic goodness of daily living, the deepening sense of living in the NOW.

Their philosophy of living did not evolve; it seemed to have been arrived at after a deliberate search for the meaning of Life, their true selves, the cohesive I, myself and me which is the most reliable companionship a person can discover. This is not an egoistic emphasis on selfish desires or self centeredness but rather a wider understanding and a spiritual reaching out to oneness, closeness to the goodness of this world.

They describe how in mid-life they found a developing spiritual dimension in themselves that they never knew before–a deeper appreciation of the essential goodness of the world and the human spirit, the beauty of nature, the spiritual renewal that comes from exercising one’s creative talents.

They also found out that "true and lasting happiness is a conscious choice".

What was the difference between them and those of us of the older generation who feel that they have at last learned to live? Many of them attribute their present philosophy of life to conscious study of Zen. Many mention the guidance of some beloved "guru". Many practice meditation, yoga and other such means to spiritual discovery.

We stand in admiration of the manner in which they addressed the challenge of fast approaching old age. For them it was a truly conscious choice. We congratulate them on the success of their search for the elusive meaning of Life. Truly these "kids" have a lot to say and their essays will be of great help to those who may also be "Living on the Cusp" but have not yet discovered the freedom and the joy that lies ahead. How lucky are these "kids" to have discovered the secret of effective living so early in the game. We, of our generation, had no guidebooks, no gurus–we just learned "how to live life by living" and discovered that "growing old is growing up".

So, dear "kids", if you keep on doing what you are doing now, you need not fear "real old age". If and when you reach that stage you will be ready for it.

As for our generation, all I can say is that we are through with asking questions and seeking answers. We are through with searching for guides or guidelines and dissecting lessons from Life. We have lived and are still living, but for us Life has become a quiet flowing stream of pleasant daily events.

We take things as they happen. We feel no need " to find ourselves" or " re-invent ourselves". We accept that we are as long years of living have shaped us. We have survived our sorrows and have come to terms with some very harsh realities. We even feel that we have become all the stronger and better for having gone through them. We are proud to be survivors.

We purposely avoid living in the Past. We concede that for us the Future is only a matter of a few more years–if we are lucky. We marshal all our forces against the infirmities and weakening that come with old age. Those we cannot remedy, we adjust to. "Me, myself and I" have become our most reliable companions and we like each other! We live with our true selves each day because there might be no tomorrow. We do not procrastinate. We are ready, even willing to pass across the final border–but not eager. In the meantime, we live in the joyous Now.

We feel we are luckier than most. We are content.