Designed for success

Former street parliamentarian, senator, congresswoman, and now clothing designer Anna Dominique “Nikki” Coseteng says she is a product of experience.

“I believe what and who I am today is a sum total of the experiences I have had from observing and learning from everyone that has surrounded me throughout my childhood and into my teens, reinforced and expanded through my later experiences,” shares this single mom. “These proved to be effective survival mechanisms even through the challenges I faced.”

When she was in government, Nikki proudly wore Filipiniana and local weaves. She was admired in the Senate not only for her beauty but also her intelligence, and to this day, she still exudes that glow and charm.

Now living a simpler life away from the spotlight, Nikki enjoys family time with her children and grandchildren and most recently, during the pandemic, she found herself busy by designing beautiful dresses for her label, Kaftan One.

This former public servant, educator, single mom and businesswoman shares with us important lessons in life we can learn from.

1. The attitude of gratitude has been a guiding mantra. Having had everything I needed and, in most cases, even wanted, became a foundation that fostered an understanding of what it’s like to have, and even lose, everything. This has made me grateful and appreciative for the experiences I had and everything else that followed. Along the way, there were countless unforgettable people, opportunities and events that made what I had possible. The memories of those experiences that made me feel like I was on top of the world have not and will never change. They will always be treasured with me and never forgotten.

I will always be grateful for the opportunities and experiences I had that taught me life, love and fun. This gratitude and appreciation is something I keep with me to remember all the help and guidance I’ve had. I’ve always maintained that my success in politics and life was grounded in how I was raised, and later on the kind of children I had. Had things not been the way they were at home, I would have never gotten to where I am.

2. I developed a low level of tolerance for incompetence, insignificant and inconsequential complaining, and naysaying. I learned that not to take “no” for an answer was a sure formula to get things done and the first step to great possibilities. I learned to take criticism and advice objectively and constructively.

When I make a mistake, or fall short of my own and others’ expectations, I always feel that it is imperative to immediately get up and do better, to move forward and upward. I am the best judge of whether I have lived up to the standard I’ve set for myself. It’s a paired street with my appraisal and standard of my own efforts and what others think. One cannot go without the other — I constantly try to figure out my faults and seek ways to learn how best I can do better. I ask the questions: Are their observations valid? Or are they critical to put me down or covering up for their own crimes, mediocrity, and incompetence?

3.  I have always lived a life full of curiosity and an insatiable love for learning and discovering. I like being with and talking to people I can learn from. I foster this need to learn at least one new thing every day. It is important to me to be creative and to let my imagination run free. All else follows. In those days when the internet was non-existent, it was reading and travel that made all the difference!

4. I’ve always believed that risk-taking is a fundamental necessity for survival. My fear of failure is nil for if anything fails, I am always willing to pay the price. If anything else, I look at failure as essential in building character and resilience. Many are also averse to take the road less traveled. In my case, I revel being the voice in the wilderness for it is in that spot that I find peace and solace away from the noise, and the many distracting influences that disturb the spirit and the mind.

5. It is the people that I consider most important in my life that have helped me build my self-confidence and enabled me to think out of the box. Thinking out of the box is like going down the road less traveled. One meets people who are daring and talented. If I find that they can do a better job than I can, I am only too happy to harness their talent without considering them a threat.

6. No matter the barriers or threats along the way, I learned that there is simply no substitute for fighting and speaking out for what is right and true. There is merit in being the voice for those who don’t or can’t have one. Like it or not, you will hardly be wrong when you take the side of the greatest good for the greatest number. One of the great values in life is when one is true and trustworthy in all dealings without ifs, buts and exceptions.

7. I value my preference for being alone rather than being on the receiving end of stress, pressure and harassment. I never learned to and do not want to keep explaining, justifying and answering questions that are designed to burden me and render me helpless, hopeless and inutile. I would prefer to and have always been able to cut clean from those forces for my own sanity, no matter the price, financially and/or emotionally. If not, I would end up being worn down and unable to have confidence and strength in what I do.

8. I am told that I have good people skills. If they mean that I am good in remembering names, places, events that I have encountered with them, then perhaps I am indeed good in making people feel special — only because my experiences with them have impacted me in so many ways. Significantly, this has helped me in my political career and has also served as an enduring lesson: never forget those who have helped you along the way.

9. A woman should always strive for financial independence. There are no ifs or buts for a woman not to be self-sustaining. It is this guiding principle that has kept me afloat even during the most challenging times. As a single, young mother and later, as a grandmother living on her own, I learned that it is easier to think clearly, feel good and move faster when you are in control of your own finances.

10. Times have changed, and the world today is ridden with distractions. Gone are the days when the best times were the ones spent with family and friends in person. I went through a whirlwind of bringing up children singlehandedly, a rat race, and surviving and addressing the demands of politics for more than half of my life. Life throughout my years in politics, without gadgets and apps, were years when I spent the least time with family. It was after all those years that I have now come to value highly whatever time I spend with my children and grandchildren. Something I have observed is that those who are indifferent, uncaring and maybe even abusive and predatory to their parents end up with all the bad luck, leaving them to deal with more difficulties in life. It’s simply not worth it. While there is time, respect your parents and grandparents and find time for them. Or be prepared for a tsunami of consequences you have never imagined!

11. My relationships with the previous generations have shaped, for the most part, the person I have become. Truly, it is the family and relationships we keep that help us grow as a person even beyond our achievements.

It was tough to be a single parent. It was even tougher being a single parent, a politician and all else at the same time. What saw me through my struggles were things I learned both the easy and hard way. There’s no sure-shot formula for success. For me, it was all of the above.

(We welcome your suggestions and comments. Please e-mail me at [email protected]. Follow me on Instagram @monsromulo.)