‘We do not lose those we give back to God’

Christmas, to many, is the happiest, merriest time of the year. ‘Tis the season of spiritual highs, belly-busting feasts, heartwarming reunions, razzle and dazzle.

But just like any other month, life goes on during Christmas, as does death. Happiness permeates December, but grief does not go away with November.

While many of us are getting a high with the bubbly and a perk with Santa’s gift of an iPhone X, some hearts are still bleeding from loss, from heartbreak, from problems. Christmas may be a respite, but never a ceasefire to those battling grief.

Last Nov. 12, former Senator and Foreign Affairs Secretary Alberto Romulo and his wife Lovely buried their first born Rosa Guadalupe Angela or “Lupe” as she was fondly called by many. She suffered a heart attack, then an aneurysm and a stroke. As she lay in a coma, many friends and celebrities came to serenade her. As Lupe breathed her last, it was Jose Mari Chan bidding her farewell with his angelic voice.

Bert Romulo, who, according to wife Lovely, used to get up at night to change his firstborn’s diapers, was the most stricken with grief. Though Lovely, Lupe’s son Zach and her siblings Mons, Berna, Roman and Erwin were devastated, they said  it was the family patriarch who was most grief-stricken.

Unspeakable, really, is the grief one experiences when one buries a child. It shakes your faith, your equanimity, your sanity, because your children are supposed to bury you, not the other way around.

“For 53 enchanted years, Lupe brought sunshine, laughter and smiles into our lives then, suddenly, she is gone,” Romulo said as he bid goodbye to Lupe at the Christ the King Church in Green Meadows, not far from their home. It will be Lupe’s 40th day in Heaven on Dec. 17.

He described the pain the family feels as continuous, “Pain,  which drop by drop falls upon our wounded hearts.”

And yet the wounded father acknowledged, “Suddenly in our despair, against our will, come wisdom and hope. Through the awful grace of God.” “Awful” is not a typographic error. He was quoting Aeschylus.

Enlightenment amid grief is a grace. Perhaps, it was Lupe whispering consoling words to her father while he was asleep. For how does one explain the acceptance in the aching heart of the bereaved Bert Romulo?

“Dear Lord, we now bow to your will. We humbly commend and entrust to your bosom our beloved Lupe, her soul, her spirit, her laughter and her smiles. We give Lupe back to you, dear Lord. You who gave her to us one beautiful morning on June 1, 53 years ago. You did not lose her then by giving her to us,” Romulo said when he delivered his eulogy, adding, “We do not lose her at all by her return to you, Our Lord.”

Former Sen. Alberto Romulo with a young Lupe.

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I know whereof Bert Romulo speaks. I, too, buried a child, born prematurely, on a November. The threshold of Christmas. Just when Christmas carols were like angels’ wings lifting the sagging spirits of many, Christmas carols were like jarring pieces of glass rubbing my heart.

If my baby girl “Joanna” had lived, she would have been 25 years old last November. As those who lost babies often share, the babies we lose are our greatest “what ifs.” What if she lived? Would she have been married by now and given me an apo? Would she have been a writer like her father and me? Would she have been a doctor to the poor?

One thing for sure, I know “Joanna” would have been happy to be our daughter. That is what my husband and I believe, the pursuit of happiness (with traffic lights to respect, of course) is the journey we take and make.

Like the Romulos, I have known unspeakable grief. But I have learned to live with it, and accept the grief as part of life. I took baby steps, then Olympian strides in my pursuit of happiness. Yes, it is possible to replace the sadness in one’s eyes with a twinkle, even after a loss.

I believe it is a grace, and a blessing to move on after heartbreaking sadness. Family is the cushion you land on. But Someone else is padding those cushions — God and the loved one you lost.

I look at my photos and I see many happy smiles. They come from blessings — happiness with my loved ones, fulfillment in my career, sweet recognition from my peers, travels to lands near and far that illustrate the glory of God. And you know what? I think I have received all these blessings because not only is God generous, but also because I have had a little angel up there interceding for me for the past 25 years now.

Yes, I think she is the one who puts that bright smile on my lips. She wants me to be happy —  till we meet again.

Blue Diamond jubilarians dancing to Diamonds are Forever, Rhythm of the Night and Diamonds are Auring Santos, Dolores Renfrow, Ope Lopez, Jesusa de Leon Calanog, Lydia de Leon Sison, Marita Alegre, Nenuca Blardony, Lulu Garchitorena, Tita Feliciano, Linda Kanapi, Lita Cordero, Citas Concepcion, Nene Feliciano, Finina Ko, Trining de Leon Panicucci and Alice Briones (hidden). Photo by Jojo Gloria and Choreography by Andrew Ferraris

Assumption Convent Class of 1952, which celebrated its Blue Diamond anniversary during the recent alumnae homecoming, believes that what it is celebrating is “worth more than precious gems.”

“Class 1952 has come a long way,” says Blue Diamond jubilarian Emma Colayco. “From a bunch of dreamers, we have become a group of achievers in paths varied and significant. We have excelled in the fields of medicine, arts and sciences and entrepreneurship. We have served in civic and religious organizations. We have devoted time and effort to parish activities and parish organizations. We have raised families, infusing them with the Assumption spirit of fidelity to duty, love of simplicity.”

“Sixty-five years is a long time,” acknowledges Emma. “But for our sisterhood, it is time that cannot be measured by years.” 

(You may e-mail me at [email protected].)