The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.”
Sometimes, because of certain circumstances, the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand of yaya. In the Philippines, yaya is a term of endearment for a caregiver who specifically looks after children, or any member of the household for that matter. When women started joining the workforce increasingly in the ‘80s, yayas started becoming indispensable, feeding, bathing and putting to sleep babies of mothers who needed to work for one reason or another.
Even non-working mothers also relied and still rely on yayas. A yaya is a mother’s wingman.
There are horror stories about yayas, as there are horror stories about employers.
But blessed are the dedicated yayas, who love and treat their wards as their own flesh and blood, and blessed are the employers who treat their yayas as family.
For truly, this nation runs on yayas. Many government officials, top executives and entrepreneurs are mothers, and how do you think these women functioned if they weren’t secure in the thought that their children were cared for in their absence? And many men are also at their best in their work because their homes are manned (pun intended) by trustworthy yayas.
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In celebration of Mother’s Day, I’d like to share with you stories of yayas who have become second mothers and grandmothers by choice. But then again, maybe “second” isn’t the right word. Maybe “co-mothers” is more apt.
Sen. Loren Legarda put her life and duties on hold when her Nanay Fely, who cared for her since birth, had colon cancer. She brought her Nanay Fely to Stanford Hospital in California and with her son Lanz, cared for the now 84-year-old Ilocana. Nanay Fely, according to Loren, is doing very well now.
She says Nanay Fely is both her “partner in life” and her rock.
“When my mother Bessie passed away, my nanay was there. When my marriage was annulled, Nanay was there. When my sons left for abroad to study, my nanay was there. When I lost two elections (2004 with FPJ and 2010 with Manny Villar), my nanay was there. She told me, ‘Huwag mong hangarin ang hindi para sa iyo. Huwag mong pagpilitan ang hindi para sa iyo. Tanggapin mo bagaman masakit’.”
For Loren’s youngest son Lean, Nanay Fely is “more than just my lola.” He was only three when his grandmother passed away.
“I felt the meaning of love through her more than anyone else because when you think about it, we’re not even her kids, we’re not even blood relatives. But she loves us more than anyone else in the world, more than her own family. She treats us as her own kids because she never had kids. She really puts us before herself. She’s way past the age of retiring, but she still goes to the grocery, she makes it a point to cook for us,” says Lean, who is a name to reckon with now in the field of solar energy.
Nanay Fely says Loren has always been very organized even as a little girl, very studious and neat.
She is that way until now, says Lean. “She doesn’t have a planner because she has everything in her head.”
That orderliness the senator probably inherited from her Nanay, a true-blue Ilocana.
“Since birth, Nanay took care of me,” says Loren proudly. “And since then she’s been tailor, dressmaker, embroiderer, electrician, nurse in our family. Lahat.”
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Former Press Undersecretary Deedee Siytangco was asked by then President Cory Aquino to work full time in Malacañang in 1989. Deedee had barely warmed her seat when the bloodiest coup was launched by rebel forces against the Aquino government. In 1990, a deadly earthquake jolted most of Luzon and in 1991, Mt. Pinatubo erupted. It was a most challenging time to be in government, but Deedee was effective in her job even if her four kids (Sandee, Junie, David and AJ) were then still of school age.
“I don’t think I would have survived Malacañang without Yaya Poppins. I would always feel safe that she was there, even my husband Sonny felt that way,” shares Deedee, who swears that they could leave Poppins alone in their home with their kids and their valuables and not worry. Deedee once told me that even in an earthquake, she knew Poppins would never leave the house without her wards.
“Yaya Pops always pulls through and finds a way,” says Sandee, now Mrs. Andrew Masigan.
“Yaya always puts her alagas first, often to a fault. I remember she would buy me a new GI Joe every week from the little store outside of school when I was third or fourth year high school,” shares AJ Siytangco.
Yaya Poppins, whose real name is Agapita but was christened Poppins after the Disney character “Mary Poppins,” joined the household of Deedee and her late husband Sonny Siytangco right after their honeymoon. She cared for all the Siytangcos’ children since birth and Sandee’s only child, 18-year-old Amanda since birth, too. When Amanda was old enough, Poppins would sometimes fly to Vancouver to babysit Junie’s two sons Monchu and Miggy.
“If you need to find something, she will do everything to find it. If something needs fixing, she will try her best to fix it or find out how to fix it. Nothing is too tough for her. She always pulls through for her alagas,” says Sandee.
For Poppins’ last birthday, Sandee treated her to a trip to Hong Kong.
Asked if she regrets never having her own children, Poppins says without hesitation, “Marami akong anak! Seven yung anak ko (I have a lot kids! Seven of them).” She was referring of course to the four Siytangco children and three grandchildren.
“Kapag ako’y nawala na, wala na akong hinihiling; kumpleto na ang buhay ko,” Poppins smiles.
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When I was growing up, a regal lady in white, her hair up in a bun, would pick up my classmate Jojo Marquez after school every day. Jojo, now Mrs. Louie Ocampo and a top bank executive, is now a mother of four. On Mother’s Day last year (Jojo’s mother has passed away), she posted a photo of her Yaya Nene with her (Jojo’s) children Patti and Quito on Facebook.
Her dedication: Happy Mother’s Day to the most selfless and generous woman I have ever known, the rock of my childhood and adulthood, my Yaya Nene. Thank you for loving me and my children unconditionally. And thank you to my kids for loving and being there for Lola when I am not around.”
“Her unconditional love, loyalty, commitment, generosity and presence. She was a very strict yaya. Good manners and right conduct was her mantra. All our suitors passed through ‘the eye of the needle’ so to speak — but she reciprocated with her care in a different kind of way. When my mom passed when I was 19, she was our rock. We made it through because of her being there for us,” says Jojo.
Happy Mother’s Day, indeed, to all the yayas out there. Your love is truly pure and genuine because you care for children who did not come from your womb but from your heart.
(You may e-mail me at joanneraeramirez@yahoo.com.)