How to weather the storms in your life

‘Give every misfortune a chance to become a blessing in disguise’

The warnings were ominous, fearsome; they didn’t mince words. The typhoon was going to be strong, very strong. It was described only in superlatives by international news organizations.

The calm and warmth before the storm seemed to belie the predictions, and they watered down the fears of many.

But when Yolanda struck, it was as if all the disaster movies sprung to life on the Visayan set, uprooting trees, turning homes and buildings into matchsticks, unleashing rampaging sea water into the city, engulfing thousands and killing hundreds (according to the official count). Yolanda was merciless.

It was said to be the strongest typhoon to ever hit planet Earth this year, and the strongest recorded typhoon to have made landfall in recent history.

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As I viewed with horror images of the damage wrought by Yolanda to Tacloban in Leyte, I realized that there is no escaping the hurricanes of our lives — natural or not — even if we batten down the hatches of the shelters of our souls.

We can find a bunker, or an ark like the one in the movie 2012, but that is Hollywood, not reality. We can be emotional hermits, but that is not living.

So what do we do when emotional storms turn our lives upside down, cutting off the sources of our light and sustenance, leaving us in a rubble of grief, lost dreams, frustrations, anger and hopelessness?

A strong foundation is always a good start. Pangasinan Rep. Gina de Venecia once told me that one of the reasons she has survived the tragic loss of her daughter KC, who died in a fire, was that she (Gina) had a happy childhood. “A happy childhood will make you float like a ball even if they toss you out to the rough seas.”

And yet, a strong foundation doesn’t mean rigid. Most of us should be able to roll with the punches, and like a pliant bamboo tree, be able to sway with the wind. Sometimes, resisting the inevitable will make us snap, like a brittle acacia tree.

“Be able to say, ‘Life sucks!’,” counsels my sister Dr. Geraldine Mayor, a psychiatrist who practices in Philadelphia. “Acceptance brings so much peace. If you continue to struggle against an occurrence, strife will continue to inhabit your heart. Stop asking why, just say, ‘Yep, this time it got me’.”

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A former colleague who once worked in Japan told me the Japanese have a saying, “After the funeral, the laundry.”

After the devastation, comes the picking up of the pieces. The rebuilding.

“And just move on...” says Geraldine. “Focus on the good that you have and still have. We may have losses, but if we look closely, those that are essential and really matter in life, are still in our life. Appreciate what you have left, even that which is damaged. It can be rebuilt. The greatest rewards felt are in those endeavors where you had to put in effort to rebuild, grow and watch flourish. Give every misfortune a chance to become a blessing in disguise.  I have had some unpleasant experiences upset me, bring me down. But months, even years later, I realize how they have brought new opportunity that steered me in a different, but better direction, or got me something I didn’t prefer at first, but turned out to be, a greater joy and pleasure.  Then I tell myself, ‘I wish I didn’t stress so much over this, it was a good thing after all’!”

Some storms are like a virus. You just have to let them take their course. Let them blow over and be blown away. Just fortify yourself so that by the time it (either the virus or the storm) leaves, you’re still standing.

 One way of fortifying yourself is to lean on friends and counselors. “For emotional storms, it is always helpful to be able to unload emotional baggage to a friend who knows how to listen and give advice,” says Dr. Angela Jao, a Manila-based psychiatrist.

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Ever heard the parable of the boy who cried because he had no shoes till he saw another boy who had no feet?

 â€œNever miss the chance at looking at other people’s plight,” Geraldine adds. “Even when we have every reason to be wrapped up in ourselves and our personal lives, it would be good to be aware of what is going on with others. There are people in greater need than us, all the time. When you care more than just for yourself and your circle, and choose to care for a greater good, cause and a wider circle, life just gets richer... and more lives are touched by goodness.” (Incidentally, Geraldine devotes a good part of her time looking after the welfare of animals, not just her four dogs at home.)

Marilen Liwag-Reambillo, my former Religion teacher at the Assumption and still one of the spiritual advisers of my class, believes “joyful detachment” is the key to overcoming life’s storms.

Joyful detachment is one of the teachings of the Assumption foundress, St. Marie Eugénie Milleret. “Joyful detachment makes you see everything in the light of God’s goodness. If you don’t hang on to anything, what do you hang on to?”

You hang on to your faith, to your God. Being detached doesn’t mean just being detached from your material possessions. It means being detached from your “crutches” — like power, fame or wanting to be in control all the time.

“You cannot detach yourself unless you trust in God,” Marilen says.

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Most of us witnessed the untold suffering brought about by Yolanda’s wrath. In life, we all have to experience suffering. It is inevitable. But…

“Everybody goes through suffering, but we don’t have to live a life of suffering,” stresses Marilen.

The difference between experiencing suffering and going through a life of suffering is perspective. “We cannot change many things, we cannot change events. But we can change the way we look at them.”

From the rubble left behind by Yolanda, new cities will rise, stronger people will emerge.

“Suffering is a call to transform into a new life,” says Marilen.

Because there is always a new day after a storm — and the skies are clearest after the rains have washed away the clouds.

(You may e-mail me at [email protected].)