Nanay Fely: Why Mother's Day is for yayas, too

To love someone cradled by your own womb is effortless. Blood, after all, is thicker than water. But to mother one not borne by your womb and then love one unconditionally is extraordinary.

She did not come from her yaya’s womb, but Sen. Loren Legarda proclaims to one and all that she owes her life to her yaya of over 50 years, Felicidad “Fely” Bagayas. Fely has been and is the second mother Loren was blessed with since the day she was born.

Fely  was only 18 years old, a provinciana from Paoay, Ilocos Norte, when Pacita Legarda asked her to be her helper in 1957. After Pacita’s son, Tony, who was a few months older than Fely, married the former Bessie Bautista in 1958, he asked Fely to be part of his new home. “Doon ka muna sa amin sa Malabon,” Tony requested Fely. “Kahit isang linggo lang.”

One week led to one month, then two. When Tony and Bessie’s first child, a girl they named Lorna Regina, was born in 1960, they asked Fely to be her yaya.  Fely had not cared for a baby before, but guided by Bessie and her own instincts, she nurtured the baby girl (nicknamed “Loren” because Bessie was a Sophia Loren fan) like her own.

When Bessie started working, she would tell Fely before she left for the office, “Bahala ka na kay Loren.” At night, Loren would sleep with yaya Fely. When she began to talk, Bessie taught Loren to call Fely, “Nanay.” Bessie valued the love Fely showered on Loren, and was never insecure or jealous even if sometimes the baby preferred to be in her yaya’s arms.

It was a stroke of genius — and emotional maturity — on Bessie’s part. Having someone like Fely take care of her Loren and her brothers Gary and AA enabled her to soar in her career and live a fulfilled life.

“The words joie de vivre were created for my mother,” says Loren.  “She travelled, she pursued many interests and causes. Maybe she had a premonition that she wouldn’t live long.” Bessie died at age 61 in 1996. 

We were at a lunch in her Makati home that she hosted for three friends celebrating their birthdays. It was a light and leisurely lunch, as the impeachment trial of Chief Justice Renato Corona at the Senate had not yet resumed at the time. Coaxed to join us, Nanay Fely, now 78, unfurled a love story — between her and the Legarda children, especially Loren.

“Katabi ko si Loren matulog sa gabi. Mahal na mahal ko siya. Hindi nga ako makauwi sa Paoay kasi isang araw pa lang ako doon, may telegram na si Ma’am Bessie, ‘Uwi ka na dahil ayaw kumain ni Loren kung wala ka’,” Nanay Fely recalls.

Under her care, Loren grew up to be a neat, orderly and organized person. She was very studious and was a consistent honor student at the Assumption Convent.

Nanay Fely recalls that Loren’s aunts would ask her: “Ano ba ang pinapakain mo kay Loren at tuwing uuwi ang Mama niya sa biyahe, meron siyang sorpresa para sa Mama niya?” Loren, you see, would have arts and crafts, even poems and paintings, as a welcome gift for her Mama.

Though she had suitors, Nanay Fely says she always banished the thought of marriage because she couldn’t bear to leave the Legarda children.

“Siyempre, kapag nag-asawa na ako, iiwanan ko na sila. Naiiyak ako kapag naiisip ko na iiwanan ko sila,” she continues.

“She gave up a life she could have had to be with us,” Loren acknowledges gratefully. “Her life is us.”

* * *

When Loren’s first child Lanz was born, Nanay Fely also took care of him the minute he went home from the hospital’s nursery.

In time, Nanay Fely became more than just a yaya to Loren, her brothers and her sons Lanz, now 22, and Lean, 19. She became their second mother.

Nanay Fely with little Loren.

So much so that when she fell ill due to a serious colon ailment, Loren brought Nanay Fely to the Stanford University Hospital in Stanford, California for treatment. In Stanford, where only few privileged Filipinos get to be confined for their health problems, Nanay Fely underwent surgery.

She was confined for seven days and in those seven days, Loren and Lanz put their lives on hold to care for her. Loren took a leave from her duties at the Senate and was in fact absent during the first week of the impeachment trial. Lanz took a leave from his studies in London.

Mother and son were Nanay Fely’s bantays.

“Sinusubuan nga ako ni Lanz,” relates Nanay Fely like a proud grandmother.

Loren adds: “Lanz told her, ‘Nanay, huwag kang mamamatay dahil nag-usap na kami ni Lean na kung mamamatay ka, mamamatay na rin kami.’ Sabi ko, ‘Paano naman si Mommy’?”

* * *

 “My mother Bessie was my best friend. I am so much like her. But she died so young, at 61. Nanay Fely does not replace her, but I will not be where I am now without Nanay.”

“I do not know of a more selfless, giving person, a better human being, than my Nanay Fely,” Loren says, breaking into tears. “She heals me of my pains. She is not judgmental, she loves me unconditionally, warts and all. She is the first person I see when I wake up in the morning, and the last person I see before I go to bed at night.

“I have no mother, no husband. Nanay Fely is no longer just my yaya. She has become my partner in life.”

And so to all yayas who have given up having children of their own because they can’t sever their ties to their alagas; to yayas who enable their Ma’ams to be the best they can be because they are there to care for their children — Happy Mother’s Day. This day belongs to them as well.

The love for the children they did not give birth to — but gave life to through the years — beats from a heart that can only belong to a mother.

Nanay.

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