'Life isn't always tied with a ribbon, but it sure is a gift'

As 2010 draws to a close, emotions swirl and twirl in my heart as I look back at a year of life-changing moments — the death of a parent on the one hand, and the celebration of 25 years of marriage on the other. Both events have changed my life irrevocably, and both happened in the same year.

These back-to-back events were on opposite ends of the spectrum, and my heart’s pendulum swung to both. The year just past made me realize all the more that:

1. Death is something we largely have no control of, so take the wheel with the rest. My father Frank, despite our prayers, the best medical care in California that his insurance could give and his unbending will to live, succumbed to cancer 10 months after it was diagnosed. In the end, his final hour was something we could not control and he breathed his last a week before his 78th birthday.

So take the wheel with things that you can control — food intake, tempers, addictions, excesses, the tendency to be complacent and take things for granted. When you cannot control things or outcomes, then leave it up to God. Worrying never got anyone closer to a solution. It’s like a spinning tire in the mud. The more the tire spins, the more it gets stuck. Think of the prayer we learned in Grade School: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

2. The lifespan of most (not all) marriages is something you can choose to control. Most of the ills that visit a marriage from time to time are not incurable. Whether it’s Band-Aid you need, a fiberglass cast or drastic surgery, seek to mend the tears, fissures and fractures in your relationship before it totally falls apart.

My husband and I did not have a long engagement, but (knock on wood) we made it to our Silver Wedding anniversary. Many people said it was a feat, “in this day and age” and I totally agree. And being in a good marriage is truly a blessing — studies show that married men live longer (Women live longer, period).

3. Know a bonus when you see one and be thankful for extra blessings. My parents so looked forward to their Golden Wedding anniversary, but Dad passed away five months before the moment he had been waiting for, saving up for. My mom Sonia, heartbroken as she is, is not crestfallen. She tells me, “I never questioned God because by the time your Dad died, you and your sisters were all settled and comfortable. What if your dad died when you were all still in grade school and high school?” You see, despite a Business Administration degree from UP Diliman, Mom chose to be a housewife. If Dad had passed away while his four daughters were still in school, the family would have wobbled. Mom believes that though we were never really prepared to give Dad back to God, God had given Dad to us at the time we needed a father most. Dad so cherished his role as a provider, and he fulfilled this role to the hilt.

 4. Every new day brings a new lease on life. During quiet moments and usually with a cup of brewed coffee on one hand, I sit in my garden, which is an oasis of green, and my eyes usually wander to the plants that have renewed themselves. When my husband and I moved to the suburbs eight years ago after 17 years in a busy part of Makati, we brought with us some scrawny, fresh air-starved potted plants. We replanted some of those plants in our new garden. Today, those same plants look like nature has given them a makeover. My anahaw’s leaves have grown from the size of a Spanish fan to the size of a car’s windshield screen. Some plants that were in nature’s ICU are now bushes, and a foot-high neem tree that my friends and I bought in plastic containers in Chinatown are now as tall as my townhouse itself. We also transported some potted fortune plants when we moved to the suburbs. I like fortune plants because they easily regenerate. You cut their stems in half and soon, you will see new stems and leaves sprouting near the cut. You can replant the other half in soil or in a vase of water and it will grow roots.

It is such a delight to see plants grow, renew themselves, regenerate. For they validate the fact that as long as there is life, there is hope, growth and a chance to renew oneself. Or to quote from a cliché, to turn a new leaf.

That is what the New Year is all about. It is time to renew, recharge, regenerate our happy, productive, hope-filled cells. And all of this is made possible because of the gift of life we ALL are enjoying now. Celebrate each new day like it were your birthday — for every day that we wake up, our lease on life is renewed. To paraphrase a 90-year-old American columnist Regina Brette: “Life isn’t always tied with a ribbon, but it sure is a gift.”

Happy New Year! (You may e-mail me at [email protected])