Confessions of a Mother-in-Awe

March 29, 2008

Dear Chino,

The day you were born was –– and still is –– the happiest day of my life. I remember your lips quivering when the nurse first showed you to me, and though I wanted to look at you longer, I was worried that you were shivering, having been thrust from the warmth of my womb into the cold world.

I was looking out for you the minute you breathed your first and I guess that is how I will be for the rest of my life –– a mother with only your best at heart. We may not always agree on what is best for you, but please believe me when I say the best is what I hope I can give you –– always.

If I were asked what I believed was my most important role on earth, my answer would be, “The role of being a good mother to my son.” I hope that I have more than just that good intention. I hope that you will never ever doubt that I want to be like a beacon in the dark that will guide you through the pathways of life.

I know you can take care of yourself, and that sometimes you don’t need a beacon because your inner compass will see you through. I know that. Just rest assured that this beacon will always be there. If there is a blackout, I will run on battery, generator or candle wax. But I will always be there for you.

Just like on the day you were born.

Dad and I love you, son!

Love,

Mom

* * *

Last Saturday, our only child Carl Francis (“Chino”) Ramirez graduated from the John Gokongwei School of Management of the Ateneo de Manila University, with a degree in Legal Management.

Chino was born on a Sunday at the Makati Medical Center 22 years ago. The nation was euphoric because it had a new president and a new democracy, and I was euphoric because I had a new baby.

It’s been quite a journey since the day I first held Chino in my arms, and it has always been a smooth-sailing one. Chino was what you could call a “low-maintenance” child. Despite being the only child, he was never demanding. He never demanded home-cooked baons, which gave me and the maid an extra 30 minutes of shut-eye every morning; never needed tutoring or any extra help in any of his subjects  (except penmanship!), which I couldn’t give him because I would be home from work at 9.30 p.m., six days a week. 

Parents are usually enjoined to give children wings so they could fly and reach their full potential. Well, in my case it was my child who gave me wings. By unselfishly letting go of my apron strings, he gave me the wings to use my God-given talents to make a difference –– I hope –– in the lives of others, so I could be both a mother and a fulfilled career woman at the same time. If Chino whined, lagged in school or manipulated my working-mother guilt to his advantage even just a bit, I surely would not have reached my potential as a journalist and as a person.

Parents are usually the enabler. In my case, my son was my enabler.

In many ways, my son and I grew up together. Along with his father, I helped mold his character, just as he helped me mold my career –– by not dominating my time even if that was rightfully his birthright.  I hope that in my own imperfect way, I have given him wings just as he and his father have given me mine.

So as you step out of school, a fine young man, it is I who must say, thank you, Chino, from the bottom of the heart of this mother-in-awe.

* * *

The commencement speaker of Chino’s graduating class is someone I have admired since I interviewed him about seven years ago, Splash chairman and CEO Dr. Rolando Hortaleza. Hortaleza’s success story is known by many. He started with P12,000 in a 25-sq.-meter apartment with a staff of three –– himself, his wife Rosalinda, and an all-around helper. They bottled cuticle remover and peddled their products on the alleys of Divisoria. Today, the Hortalezas head a multibillion-peso beauty products company in the Philippines, the only one in a field of  multinationals and is the market leader in the exfoliant, skin-whitening, hair dye and anti-aging categories.

Many multinationals have approached Dr. Hortaleza and his wife Rosalinda, also a medical doctor, for a buyout of their company. The couple have consistently refused. “It’s like breaking a promise we first made to ourselves and our people that together that we shall make an enduring legacy in the Philippine business landscape,” he explained.

They have also resisted offers to set up their manufacturing plant abroad, even if it was cost-effective, because they wanted to give jobs to more Filipinos.

I would like to share with you excerpts from Dr. Hortaleza’s very inspiring speech to the graduates (valedictorian was Clark Jefferson Cue), particularly the six lessons he shared from a lifetime of learning and doing good:

Lesson no. 1: It’s not how big or deep your pocket is that really matters. It’s how big your heart is that would make a difference. Whatever your dreams are, whatever it is that touches your heart, whatever it is that you feel passionately about, go for it, do it!

But wait! Don’t just rush blindly. Clarify. What is it that you want? What is it that you’re most passionate about? The most important thing in life is to decide what’s most important. The moment you make your commitment, your destiny takes shape. When focused on a vision, ordinary people always accomplish extraordinary results. We become what we believe.

Define, therefore, your personal vision. That’s our Lesson no. 2.

 Your passion and vision go hand in hand. That vision should come from what we most love to do.      But fun does not mean freedom from disappointments. But let’s look at them positively. Doing so, we can turn our wounds into wisdom. There will be adversities. We’ll be wounded many times. We’ll make mistakes. Some people judge them as failures. But I love to call them deferred success because they’re simply God’s way of saying, “Excuse me, you’re moving in the wrong direction.” Deferred success is an exercise in humility. Honestly accepting our mistakes and then rectifying them or changing course will put us back on track.

Yet in the pursuit of heart’s desire, you may be blindsided by your single-minded drive to succeed. To avoid this pitfall, take a look at your inner self and clarify the values that you hold dearly.

Remain faithful to your values. That’s our third lesson. From your homes to this great institution, your values took shape, your moral and ethical standards were clarified and strengthened. Please breathe and live these values. Wherever you go, whatever you become, your values will be your source of strength. Your values will be your guide in times of confusion and in making critical decisions.

Lesson no. 4: Welcome the idea of starting at the bottom. It’s good for you. It will make you humble and well-grounded. It will make you strong and tough.

Whatever career path you take, the start-up stage has never been a bed of roses. You’ll have to start somewhere and it usually is the bottom. Be grateful. The bottom will teach you the value of humility. You’re a rookie and have a lot to learn. Ask questions. If you don’t, you won’t get answers.

Embark, therefore, on a journey of discovery. Constantly improve yourself. Learning is a life-long process. It does not stop after this graduation ceremonies. You’ll make a lot of mistakes, learn from them. Don’t be discouraged by adversity. Face your challenges squarely and you’ll find in yourself one tough guy that gives credence to the saying that “when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.”

Which leads us to Lesson no. 5: IQ will get us through school works but our EQ, our emotional quotient, “will make us better leaders, better persons.”

Be a man for others. That’s our sixth lesson. You are all too familiar with this basic tenet of Jesuit education. We belong to a family and to a large society that spans a nation and, in this age, the world. You will surely reach a point in your lives that material success will leave a gaping emptiness. There you will feel that instinctive urge to give back, to contribute to the upliftment of our country and people.

Some would say that ours is a rat race and being so, we are free to do just anything to win the race because everything is fair in love and in war. Nice guys finish last. However, the problem with being in a rat race is even if you win, you’re still a rat. Genuine success does not come from shortchanging our fellowmen or our community in order to promote our own self-interest. True success springs from our conviction to do well and leave our world a much better place.

* * *

(You may e-mail me at [email protected])