Women I admire

This week is Women’s Week, and I would like to celebrate it by paying tribute to some of the women I admire. It would take a book to list down all of them, but here are a few good women.

In no particular order, here they are:

• Oprah Winfrey – I have always believed that one’s mission in life is to make the most of the gifts God has given one, and having realized one’s full potential, to use one’s power, one’s talent and one’s influence for a purpose higher than oneself. To make a difference in others’ lives the way a light bulb gloriously illuminates a room with one flick, making a world of difference.

That to me is Oprah. A media person like myself who uses her gift for communication to turn millions of lives around, whether through the TV screen or through her magazine. Her shows glorify miracles, so that we may be inspired by the love of a Divine Being who makes possible the impossible. Oprah also glorifies hard work by featuring people who shed blood, sweat and tears to bring about a profound change in their lives and the lives of others – whether it be a man who lost 300 lbs. without surgery, or a couple who adopted a dozen children to save them from a life on the streets. One thing every TV host and columnist must realize is that there are millions of people out there who hang on to their every word like it were a lifeline. Words can heal. Words can save.

Oprah features people who make you swoon (like the late JFK Jr., Tom Cruise and the now unavailable Brad Pitt). But she also features people who help you survive. Wasn’t she the one who brought us Dr. Phil?

This poor little black girl – certainly not born conventionally beautiful and for many years overweight and once sexually abused – now is wealthy beyond her dreams, has a stable relationship with a man she loves, and, boy oh boy, now boasts a waistline at age 51! She has not only reinvented herself, she has, in reinventing herself, shared the glow of her transformation with others.

Oprah, I salute you! I want to have coffee with you!

• Cory Aquino – Last week, when her daughter called me to say that former President Cory Aquino wanted to host a birthday lunch for me and other March celebrants close to her (a tradition for the last four years), she expressed a concern, "But Mom is wondering if you still want to be seen with her."

That humbled me, that a former president and world leader would be concerned about how the consequences of her stand on certain things would affect others. I may not always agree with the former president, but I will always admire her principles and the tenacity by which she fights for what she believes in. I admire her for her integrity, her sincerity – I believe she does things because she sincerely thinks it will be for the good of the country. She fought for democracy and she is entitled to savor the fruits of democracy – the right to express dissent through peaceful means.

Even when she is left standing alone and all her friends have deserted her, Cory will stand firm. Another thing I admire about her is that she does not use their presence in her functions or rallies as a litmus test to the loyalty of her friends. I know she, in fact, has told someone very close to her that if she cannot attend her rallies or press conferences, "I will understand." To those who wonder if Cory knows the consequences of her firm stand on today’s issues, I can say, from where I stand, YES, SHE KNOWS.

But the lady has been through much more unpopularity, more adversity (her family was once a social outcast because of her husband’s defiance of martial rule, remember?), she doesn’t really crave for brownie points anymore.

I remember when I was still working at the Press office at Malacañang and Cory had to go on state visits, she would insist that she pay the fare of any of her children who were accompanying her. She would be so particular about not spending government money (after the excesses of the Marcos regime), that once, when her grandson Jiggy (then a little boy) got some candy from one of the tables in the Palace, he asked his lola, "Sa atin ba ito o sa gobyerno?" The only privilege she accepts now from government as a former chief executive is some franking privileges, a small security detail and a small allowance (she increased that for other former chief executives, but excluded herself.)

It’s a pity that her much-publicized appearances at protest marches eclipse her more enduring work nowadays – her advocacy for micro-finance lending groups.

• President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo – I admire GMA for her focus. I once asked her how she handled the May 1 siege in the Palace, and she answered, "I don’t run scared, I run focused." Those of us who feel the walls are closing in on us should learn from this petite president. Never say die, never hang up your gloves till the fat lady sings.

• Gina de Venecia – When Speaker Joe de Venecia married the fair Gina, he did not expect her to be the gem that she is. We all have causes in life, and most of us want to help others. But to be able to translate good intentions into concrete works – literally and figuratively – is what Gina was able to do that other good-intentioned people haven’t. She has built The Haven for Women and Children (with satellite centers all over the country) and an INA Healing Center for Women grieving the loss of their children. Now 10 years old, the Haven, unlike other ningas cogon projects of other people, continues to grow and thrive. I also admire Gina for her will to put back the pieces of her broken heart together. Though she still mourns the death of her daughter KC, she has seen in her loss the grace of God, that through the cross she must carry, she is going to save many lives.

• Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis – Jackie is the female idol of my youth. I used to admire how she looked, but now I realize I really admire her for she lived her life. Even as a teenager, she had a blueprint of her life, and she followed that blueprint – with allowances for things she could not control – faithfully.

As first lady, she said her priority was to take care of the president and his children, because "even if Jack turned out to be the best president of the century and his children turned out badly, that would be a real tragedy." Now we know exactly what she meant, because people admire her for raising responsible and loving children who live (as in the case of John Jr., lived) a life that was both normal and untarnished despite the tragedies that befell their family. She wanted to make the White House a symbol of arts and culture, and she did. Her dignity during the four days that followed her husband’s assassination kept a wounded nation together, and the way she crafted JFK’s legacy ("before bitter old men" write it) endures. Camelot was her idea, as dictated to journalist Teddy White, who said she was "transfixed" by the lines, "Don’t ever be forgot that once thee was a spot, for one brief shining moment that was known as Camelot." Now, all of us want to have our own Camelot.

Forty-three years after JFK died and more than a decade after Jackie’s own demise, the Kennedy legacy shines through. Not all of it is myth, but she made that mix of myth and reality forever irresistible.

And then I admire other women, everyday women who nurture their families as they struggle to find not just financial but also psychological rewards in their careers. I admire housewives who are there when their babies wake up in the morning, and still there when they wake up from their afternoon nap. They’ve made their choices. I admire women who know that life is not all about getting what you want, but finding a mix of what makes you happy and what makes those you love also happy.

* * *

Let me share with you excerpts from an e-mail sent to me by a dear friend. It puts a lot of sense into our lives.

"The best gift anyone can give me at Christmas is a planner. I like planners because I am a planner. I like thinking ahead. I like being prepared. I get a high from being on top of things. But some things are beyond planning. And life doesn’t always turn out as planned. You don’t plan for a broken heart. You don’t plan for a failed business venture. You don’t plan for an adulterous husband/wife. You don’t plan for an autistic child. You don’t plan for spinsterhood. You don’t plan for a lump in your breast.

You plan to be young forever. You plan to climb the corporate ladder. You plan to be rich and powerful. You plan to be acclaimed and successful. You plan to conquer the universe. You plan to fall in love – and be loved forever. You don’t plan to be sad. You don’t plan to be hurt. You don’t plan to be broke. You don’t plan to be betrayed. You don’t plan to be alone in this world. You plan to be happy. You don’t plan to be shattered. You don’t plan to have people in your team you don’t like. You don’t plan to have enemies. Sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want.

But most times, what you want and what you get are two different things. We, mortals, plan. But so does God in the heavens. Sometimes, it is difficult to understand God’s plans – especially when His plans are not in consonance with ours. Often, when God sends us crisis, we turn to Him in anger. True, we cannot choose the cross that God wishes us to carry but we can carry that cross with courage knowing that God will never abandon us nor send something we cannot cope with. Make plans but understand that we live by God’s grace. Growing up, we get dismayed by the realization that we could not get everything we want. Growing old, I am delighted by the realization that although I can’t have everything I want, I can want everything I have."

Happy women’s week!

(You may e-mail me at [email protected])