Usare non possedere, arresting the selfishness of children

Children who don’t know how to play and invent games tend to be possessive and selfish. They amass all kinds of toys like a rat pack. Actually, they only find joy in the material possessions rather than in the activities they may provide. A preschool child matures when he/she learns to love work without being attached to the materials or tools of work. This is well expressed in the Latin phrase “usare ma non possedere,” to use and not to possess.

Various ways infants keep themselves busy without toys

From infancy, a baby can entertain himself in his natural surroundings, Expensive Fisher Price toys seem unnecessary. Like a young scientist, a baby on the floor will examine the lines of the tiles, or the texture of the rug. In his crib, he would finger the design of his pillow or the rubber mat. No one can stop his exploration even when he is in your arms. He investigates your eyes, ears, mouth, hair and collar.

As a toddler he would walk from table to chair to cabinets. He plays with the television switch or the objects on a coffee table and pulls out drawers of a cabinet repetitiously.

Even regular daily activities can be enjoyed by children like washing up, dressing or housekeeping much more than make-believe dollhouse play, “cooking” with toy palayuk-palayukan (toy tea set). One may play doctor or nurse with friends, using a make-believe stethoscope and injection needles, but the actual treatment of simple cuts with iodine-tainted band aid is more exciting. Toy tea pots can only serve five thimble-sized cups of hot “tea,” but a tray with a pitcher of cold calamansi (lemonade) mixed by a young hostess and served to three playmates in regular sized tumblers is more refreshing. The rich and varied wardrobe of Barbie can frustrate her owner. It is more exciting to dress up in costumes of different countries to dramatize history of various cultures of the world.

The restless overstimulated child

Psychologists also note that a wide variety of toys over stimulate the senses of the children, often frustrating them, since they don’t provide challenging and useful activities. For instance, transformer robots or ninja turtles can be repeatedly manipulated as well as electronically fascinate the young children — but only momentarily. Thus, at a certain point they are laid aside and forgotten or torn apart.

Selfishness can be discouraged by parents by not buying the same toy for all their children “to prevent jealousy.” Beside being boring, this is expensive. For three children in a family, one could receive a Lego set, the next a “cut and paste” board and the other an easel paint board stand. Then all could take turns with three very popular, creative occupations.

In the kindergarten class Dennis is hyperactive, restless and nervous. He cries when he cannot get what he wants. Yet in the neighborhood he is the only one with a cabinet regularly filled with popular toys. David, his friend is more organized, calm and plays by himself. All he possesses are a couple of match box cars and basketball, which he and his dad enjoy playing with. Children under six who are spoiled with toys usually lack concentration. On birthdays and Christmas, grandparents find joy giving him with Bay Blades, Transformer robots, Avenger action figures and Lego building set. Eventually, he gets tired of them. This lack of enthusiasm and appreciation embarrasses the parents.

On the other hand, his friend David was not overindulged. The matchbox cars are popular with him and his friends. With limited toys, they develop imagination. Pushing these miniature vehicles around, they recreate the sidewalk as a highway and the trunk of a tree the mountain road and they the driver or engineer.

Preparing the environment for personal care and proper working condition

We can never cure a child’s selfishness by preaching, but first we can teach children to be more caring for his work materials, so he can learn to work properly and master various skills. In this way the child will not be attached to the materials themselves but value more their usefulness.

Preparing the environment requires the completion of materials needed to get the activity done. One’s grooming habits would need trays for a hairbrush, comb, powder, and cologne. Cabinets with the child’s wardrobe of uniforms should include the regular day clothes and Sunday clothes, trays of underwear, socks and hankies. The child then must always keep his bedroom and worktable neat and orderly. He should regularly change linens with fresh bed sheets, pillow cases and towels. The tray of bath soap, shampoo and moisturizing lotion should be available in the bathroom.

Basic needs should be provided for all, such as low working tables and chairs with open cupboards that can be easily reached to store books, paper and pens, game boards, etc. They should be classified in plastic trays.

Part of these could be locked in cabinets so each child can respect each other’s personal property. Books can be accumulated to build a library as the children grow from kindergarten, to grade school and high school and must include a rich literary collection other than textbooks. Each child however should have her own pencil case. Borrowing this should be discouraged to develop independence. This is as indispensable as one’s toothbrush and hair brush.

From concentration to perseverance

Just as in using a compass, the fixing of the point is what enables us to draw the circle, so is the child’s formation. The fixing of his attention is basic to all good works the child would accomplish. Without concentration, it is the objects about him, which possess the child. He feels the call of each, and goes from one another. But once his attention has been focused, he becomes his own master and can exert control over his world.

So the concentration shown by our little ones brings to light something new in child psychology. It shows how nature proceeds to bring about the formation of character. Her method is to give the child special interests, interests of exceptional intensity for doing that special creative work necessary for each part of his developing personality.

After concentration will come perseverance. This is another trait of character, which now has its turn to unfold. I have, in fact, already spoken of the way in which children repeat exercises which, because they have no external purpose, must clearly have an internal purpose. This repetition, which begins after the first concentration, produces a kind of consolidation. It marks the beginning of yet another stage in human character formation.

Concentration and perseverance promote success in the adult world

All of us know that in the grown-up world, a man who keeps changing his profession will never fit for a responsible post. But a man whose aim is clearly defined and who knows how to organize his work, will surely succeed.