The gifts money can't buy

By this time, we have searched through many gift stores for something spectacular for our children. We looked forward to their joyful faces as they tore through the gifts we so carefully wrapped. But, we almost always overlook the spiritual preparation of the family.

We must not only decorate the Christmas tree, and prepare the banquet, but also “make ready the way of the Lord”. This means reconciling with ourselves, our family and friends, as well as having peace with our conscience and with God. Now is a good time to stop for a moment and think about what we really want to give our children that will truly enrich and sustain them throughout their lives. Here are some suggestions for the three wisest gifts you can give your child.

The gift of wonder

The Italians call it meraviglia or to wonder, or to be excited about the simple marvels in the environment. All of us had the “gift of wonder” in childhood. But it takes an enthusiastic parent to cultivate it as a lifetime habit. 

As they say, every child should be called Miranda – one who looks (mira) and admires …look at the spider making his web, or the newly-born kitten learning to walk …look at the sky, will it be a sunny day or a rainy day? Then, both parent and child will be able to awaken the “third eye” that can see the “orange tree” or a tree through wherein the orange sunlight filters or the takip-silim, pag nag-agaw ang dilim at liwanag (twilight time, when night steals into the day). This is how poets are born: when the senses awaken to the sights, the sounds, the smells and tastes inside and outside the home. 

“Listen” to the merry chirping of the early morning birds, the rumble of the traffic or the drip of the faucet. “Smell” the smoke of dry leaves burning, the newly bathed baby, or a garland of sampaguita (jasmine). “Touch” the bark of an acacia tree compared with the smooth trunk of the bayabas (guava) tree. Through the gift of awe our children go out into the world in excited anticipation of what they might find there… It gives them a kind of harbor to return to when life’s obstacles seem overwhelming. 

Our children will eventually face the struggles we have. They will need to find their way through relationships, moral dilemmas, financial uncertainties, and countless other challenges. If they can be sensitive to the simple beauty of a grain of sand or the moon beam, their world will never turn into a mere “sea of troubles”. So let us enjoy the world, seeing it through the wondering eyes of our children.

The gift of ideals

This is a cynical age with few heroes and increasing confusion over values. Yet this Christmas season, millions of us will be carried into the world of ideals as we hear the radio play the Christmas carols. Have you noted how each of the classic songs handed down through generations has a melody and lyrics which touch the heart? “O Little Town of Bethlehem” easily transposes us to the simplicity and silence of a village, which God chose to be His birthplace. Whereas, “Silent Night” sung in all languages of the world reveres the holiness, brightness and tenderness of the Virgin Mother and Child. The heavens then trumpet His Majesty and divinity with “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” and mankind falls down and adores Him in “Adeste Fideles”.

Families will also sit before their TV sets and watch several Christmas stories like The Christmas Carol, which centers on simple but happy parents and children persecuted by Uncle Scrooges who frequently frustrate their father’s patient labor. The fight between good and evil unfolds revealing hardworking men or women who seem to be guided by invisible angels in order to make hard decisions at critical points in their lives while being committed to treat others fairly and kindly. 

Parents show these films to their children hoping that they will communicate the ideals of a wonderful life, which they themselves had been unable to express. Many watch these films with their children while pessimistically commenting that everyone is basically self-centered – not realizing that their neighbors and other parents across the country are watching similar films with their children for the very same purpose – to help them develop worthy ideals.

The dynamic message of this simple movie is that the measure of a happy life is the good it brings about. The ideals portrayed by the films are the enemies of selfishness and an antidote to cynicism. Yet as parents are so harried by the demands of their business and office work they have not taken time to express the set of values that guide their choices in life. Sometimes, it is because they are not even clear in their minds about what they believe in. Other times, they are afraid they will sound old-fashioned.

Our children need to believe in the possibility of living with the ideals that there are goals beyond computer games that are worth striving for. Thus by teaching children the meaning of the ups and downs of daily life, parents can give them a head start towards defining their own sets of ideals.

The gift of confidence

Confidence is an inner flame that every infant has. It works out during the first year of life when he persists to speak by himself. At six months, the baby hates to be kept in his playpen or struggles out of your hold to crawl all over the floor and eventually stands up to walk. If only parents know how not to fuss too much over their child, the infant could later learn to dress up by himself, eat alone and wash himself. He will climb stairs (later on he would climb trees) with the persistence of a mountain climber determined to conquer Mount Everest.

Watch a three-year old insisting on buttoning his shirt or tying his shoelace saying, “I want to do it myself.” As aptly expressed today, children start out confident as they come into the world “programmed to master it”. They want to know everything, explore many places and do almost everything.

When do their problems in motivation and confidence start? Strangely enough, when their reasoning power develops at the age of seven. It is not their fault though, but usually that of the adults around them. Parents, teachers and elders focus on what the child can’t or shouldn’t do. Adults insist on their own speed or goals of perfection. The child’s ways are different. Instead of short cuts, he prefers to maximize his efforts as he repeats, for instance, the washing of his hands or the brushing of his leather shoes. An adult opens a drawer to get something, but a child repeatedly opens and closes the drawer to fulfill an inner need of development. A child is also slower and does not seem to be exhausted by constant movement. Instead, activities fire him with enthusiasm. Adults would tire out with just the mere thought of work. This great difference between adults and children often causes conflicts and misunderstandings.

However, if parents and guardians realize that as adults they have reached the “norm of the species”, while the children are still in the process of becoming, then they could help in fostering confidence in many ways. They must primarily prepare the environment of work, much more than play, to condition the child’s independence in personal care and housekeeping, including their grace and courtesy to others. Then, we adults should communicate our joy in the child’s striving for the “process of becoming” takes time.

May our hearts be set where true joys are to be found

On Christmas day, let the whole family gather closely around the Baby Jesus in His bed of hay, as we hold sacred and joyous this moment in history when God stepped down on earth to become one of us. Parents, let us kneel down before Him like the shepherds in the fields and the three Wise Men from the East to ask Him the grace that amidst the changing things of this world may our hearts be set where true joys are to be found.

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