Women talk about mental health

We talked about themes that were once deemed taboo. What was formerly discussed in hushed tones because of the stigma attached to it now sparks healthy debates and informed exchanges.

The subject of mental health transcends cultural barriers, age, gender, etc. and has been given particular attention as we commemorate the UN’s International Women’s Day and Women’s Month at the Kalayaan Hall of the Philippine consulate general here in New York.

Through a round table discussion, “An Evening with Distinguished Filipino Women – let’s talk about mental health” which, I had the honor of co-hosting along with Jillian Mariano, a clinician who specializes in art therapy, we moderated what turned out to be a fundamentally engaging conversation on mental health. To start the program, Ms. Mariano aptly led us through a guided meditation.

In welcoming guests, Consul General Senen Mangalile touched on “the vital role of mental health in our overall well-being,” further highlighting that, like physical health, it is “an important determinant of our quality of life.” Citing data from Thriving Asians (an organization focusing on strengthening the mental health, leadership and overall success of Filipinos and Asians across the diaspora) ConGen Mangalile said that “12 percent of Filipinos living in the US suffer from psychological distress,” numbers that are comparatively higher than the US population. He mentioned that some contributing factors to this are immigration status, inadequate health insurance, challenges in the areas of language, acculturation, family, peers and experiences of discrimination. ConGen Mangalile noted that “left unchecked, this may hamper our diaspora’s productivity and overall happiness.”

Deputy Consul General Adrian Cruz, who steered us through some days of preparatory meetings and spearheaded the event, introduced the panelists: Dr. Sally Francisco, deputy chief nurse executive and director of Nursing Operations at the James J. Peters Veterans Affairs Medical Center; Angelita Cordova-Hayes, psychiatric nurse practitioner in New York State and currently working at the Adult Patient Psychiatry Department of Queens Hospital, and Michelle Garcia, mental health educator and founder of Thriving Asians.

For Asians and Filipino-Americans particularly, the data culled by Thriving Asians are startling: Asian-American adolescents score highest in academic achievement yet have the lowest self-esteem scores among all racial groups; 23 percent of Fil-Am girls attempt suicide, a rate higher compared to boys. Fil-Ams are the least likely to seek mental health services among all Asian-Americans while 73 percent of them have never sought any mental health service. Asian-Americans are the only racial group to die by suicide as a leading cause of death, yet they tend to defer seeking help until they have reached a point of crisis.

Despite these numbers, why is it difficult to talk about one’s mental health? Ms. Cordova-Hayes opines that talking about it is “like wearing a mask of shame.” In fact, we have a label for it – baliw – and the mere mention of it is “nakakahiya.” Ms. Francisco thinks opening up about one’s mental state is often misunderstood because of the stigma attached to it. Filipinos are “uncomfortable to talk about it,” much more to seek help. From Ms. Garcia’s standpoint, Filipinos are “underrepresented in the mental health field.” Referring to her experience, she observes that “the best practices do not coincide with Filipino values, oftentimes we choose to accept and respond in silence.”

Faced with these realities, the panelists shared insights on how they tackle such concerns. One of them suggested that talking about one’s mental health is not a sign of selfishness. And because she looks at every individual as unique, each intervention must be different. While she deals with veterans, her approach for a 29-year-old varies from the way an 85-year-old is managed. For the speaker who predominantly deals with adolescence, she reminds them that taking care of oneself is not a selfish act. In America particularly, where the youth face pressure to excel academically and are also expected to assume household duties and responsibilities, the burden is even greater. Our panelist counsels them: you can still be a role model and remain vulnerable.

In a family setting, she brings up the idea of having a trusted adult that a teenager can turn to. We need listening parents, she said. A simple question of “how are you doing?” can do wonders. This reminds me of what Pope Francis wrote in his book, “God Is Young.” He said: “When we talk about the attributes that parents must never lack, I say: tenderness, a predisposition to listen, to always take their children seriously and above all to be willing and able to guide them.” One of the speakers turned to the parents in the hall with a forthright reminder that frequently raising our expectations of our children could be detrimental to their mental health.

From a powerhouse cast of accomplished mental health practitioners, these are the key takeaways from the discussion. Value the presence of family, friends and community; adapt culturally meaningful ways to address mental health concerns; adopt a holistic approach (to be physically well is to be mentally healthy); establish a balance between prevention and intervention; learn to say no (instead of going to potluck parties, set an appointment with a primary physician for a health check); practice self-care and self-compassion (just as we’re good at caring for others – malasakit); adopt a pet (a patient hesitated self-harm because no one would take care of her cat); create a Zen den in the work place where colleagues could rest, do breathing exercises, listen to music, etc. At times when we feel vulnerable, we should not hesitate to seek help because helping oneself equates to strength.

There was too much to absorb from our exchanges – timely, instructive, revealing and overall promising. And as we women in the panel and guests in the audience leaned in, we trust and believe that with each other’s strength we could pursue our roles as change agents in the area of mental health.