Eat less… and other table manners

In the vernacular it’s called “tikim” or to taste. I find that this method is a good way to try many different foods but avoid the calories and avoid too much sugar, too. I tried a fruit cookie, found it a little too sweet for my taste, so I left half. I tried a fruit cake slice, loved it and got another slice. What I am saying is for us not to endure tastes that will just be extra calories. But to enjoy what we like and get seconds, if you wish to have more. But never endure something just because it may get wasted. Like they say, “what you think is waste, may stay on your waist!” Or “a moment on your lips, forever on your hips!” So learn to be picky and choose only what tastes good.

I like to share portions because I find that tasting should be limited to what you can savor and enjoy, and leave the rest for others to try. I have a friend, though, who is “takaw mata” and wants to taste everything that is on the table. I think it is more a feeling of “not missing out” on anything served and that may be good. FOMO – Fear of Missing Out – in today’s parlance and it is quite irritating when she picks on everyone’s plate, just because she’s FOMO. If you think you are it, please be conscious next time. I do not mind sharing, but let me first offer it to you.

Then, there is the diner who rushes to clean up every plate. “Get this already!” as he wipes off the last morsel of food and stacks up the plates ready to be put away. Or he gobbles up the “shy piece” because he is uncomfortable seeing a lonely piece on the plate, which we Filipinos like to leave on shared servings. Do you notice the shy piece each time? How do you settle who gets the shy piece?

When we eat with strangers or people we are not used to dine with, we must  look for cues. For proper etiquette, we must serve the guests first, and hosts serve themselves last. I find that Chinese tradition dictates for people to serve others before serving themselves. The same goes for refilling hot tea bowls. We serve others, before we serve ourselves. And in some cases, we do not pour for ourselves but wait for someone to pour tea for us.

There is also the finger “kowtow” or finger tapping, which is a ceremonial gesture as a silent expression of gratitude when you fill someone else’s cup. I like that people are proper in that sense.

We also have table customs of using a fork and knife vs fork and spoon. Some families who think they come from “de buena familia” or old rich families train their children to use only a fork and knife, European style. I like to use a fork and spoon to better scoop the sauces like karekare and sarciado. If you read further about table etiquette, there are those who use fork on the left and knife on the right and eat that way, and those who cut with the knife using the right and then transfer fork to the right hand after, to carry food to the mouth.

There are those who hold the spoon and fork with a tennis-racket grip and often suggest that the diner comes from a lower class of society. Rather, hold it gently, lightly and never strangle the dining implements. For Filipinos, even eating with bare hands has its techniques. You cannot dirty your palm, rather just use your fingers without soiling the palms. Try it!

I think we share these techniques with our Malay brothers like the Indonesians. I once had lunch with farmers in Ciwidey, Indonesia and we noshed using our hands. Another culture that uses bare hands is India. We feel at home in India, being given a thali (a plate of various viands and rice) and eating with our hands. It is nothing to be sneered at. It is part of our culture, after all.

After eating, we were taught to put our spoon and fork (and knife) together sideways on our plate to signal that we have finished eating. It also looks neater than seeing a spoon and fork left on opposite sides of a plate, like someone was coming back to eat some more. But do observe, as many still do not do this. For us, it has become a habit. And it looks deliberate and proper.

There are so many habits we form throughout our childhood which we carry on to adult life. And these eating habits form part of who we are and who we eat with regularly. Do you not get bothered when someone chews noisily? We are taught to eat quietly and with grace. This article may as well be about table manners because we eat three times a day but sometimes we do not bother to check how we behave at the dining table.

I remember we used to include table manners in our Human Resources’ Values Formation when we managed over 300 employees. Other companies have a Liberal Arts Program where talents are taught about table etiquette, drinking wine and coffee and simple everyday manners. Since GMRC or Good Manners and Right Conduct is not part of the school curriculum anymore, we have to get the lessons elsewhere, if not taught at home. These are all part of civility. Even tasting from someone’s plate or finishing a viand meant to be shared, unmindful of the amount we need to leave for others. These must be taught or learned if we are to be proper civilized adults. For you can be the richest person around but without manners, you are considered a crud or uncouth.

As we start the year, let’s also eat right and observe manners. Happy eating!