To ask or not to ask

Context, as we often say, always matters and sometimes, the way we say things can affect the outcome. In the Philippines, it may seem as part of our culture or pakikisama to ask for something and expect it to be given. In a way, some tenderness and affection help soften the heart of someone being asked in order to get what they want and this is normally more common within families. In reality, and if we want to really face the brutal truth about things on this matter, it all depends upon the context of the situation.

When children, for example, ask their parents for something, most of the time, they try to explain and add some extra affection so that mom and dad would eventually give in. Adding context however, what happens in the family home is far from what happens outside of it. In addition, even parents would present some kind of negotiation or bargain with their children in order to set priorities and practice delayed gratification, which builds character of young people so that they learn to work hard for things they want.

Having said this, the incident of the cadet who asked President Marcos Junior for his watch came to mind. There were some folks who said that such a request was tradition among PMA graduates when in fact, a few PMAers have expressed that no such tradition ever existed. The Armed Forces of the Philippines, through their spokesperson, also expressed that the cadet who asked the President for his watch during the Philippine Military Academy’s graduation was reprimanded and explained that the situation was an isolated incident as the PMA has no tradition of cadets asking for watches from public officials during commencement ceremonies, and that this incident was already a closed book even before Vice President Sara Duterte mentioned it.

For this reason, Filipino bystanders took to social media and gave their varying opinions on the matter which, to me, became very personal while sadly failing to understand the context of the incident.

Going back to our culture, many of us have become comfortable with asking for things and expecting a favorable response. This is where we Filipinos can go wrong, to be honest, as not everyone will agree and a few would tell you straight away that they are not going to give you what you ask for. Because of this very same culture, the tendency is to feel bad when things don’t go their way, while failing to realize that expecting things to happen in your favor will not always be the case. In other words, we don’t always get what we want and we must be prepared for this situation whenever we ask.

On the other hand, because of our culture, we have also been able to say things in such a manner that the other person’s feelings are taken into consideration and would not feel rejected. There are two different ways to look at this situation and while some people say that one public servant is better than the other, in truth, we have ultimately failed to realize that we have two very different public servants with very different personalities. Does one therefore malign a sitting President for not giving his watch to a cadet? Traditionally it is not required and personally, he too is not obligated to do so. A graduate tried his luck on the matter but didn’t succeed. Such is life. Nothing personal. Did it make him look bad? Perhaps that reaction is subjective.

On the other hand, the Vice President expressed that there must have been a better way to handle the situation as, after all, she is first and foremost a mother. Looking at context, both sides must be given the benefit of perspective. Either way, and in hindsight, while many went on social media to a point of taking sides, objectivity on the matter was lost in translation when in fact, it is to me just a matter of difference in personality. Former President Duterte once gave his watch to a graduate and that was out of the ordinary and while it was highly celebrated, it was unconventional and must therefore be taken in its proper context.

What I would like to highlight, however, is the fact that we Filipinos still need to properly gauge our expectations when sometimes we do get what we want but are not very prepared in the event that we receive nothing in return. In short, when it comes to asking, one must remember that while it is alright for you to do so, it is also just as right for the other person not to respond in the way you want.

As for our culture, there is still so much on perspective that we must exhaust thoroughly as well as learn to look into the issues deeper and go beyond personalities in order to be fully prepared for a cutthroat, honest-to-goodness outcome of situations. In this instance, the matter at hand can just be about that thin line between etiquette and entitlement.