The inevitable flight

I got a surprise message from my niece Riva Galvez-Tan who wrote a guide or manual on “Your Inevitable Flight,” a pre-departure manual. Yes, it may give you the creeps and may think it morbid to be talking about departure or death, but let us just say we can become practical and

deal with it anyway. It is a Google form that you fill up to get an e-copy (soft copy) or a hard copy like a book. I opted for the latter without knowing its contents yet, because I like hard copies, especially of books or manuals. I also thought that the people you may leave behind are not tech savvy and would struggle to read what is your most important piece of advice or last directives. So a hard copy is always a practical thing to leave behind.

Not a few people we know passed away without warning, and I wonder if they left instructions on what to do when they are gone. My father passed when we were traveling to Taipei and I can never forget how it was in 1978, without internet, cellphones and Google maps. During those times, you relied on memory to remember phone numbers (landlines were operator assisted when calling overseas). I was alone with my father’s remains and only after two days did my older brother and older sister come to help out. During those times one had to get an exit permit to leave the country, and traveling abroad was not so easy.

But our father sort of prepared for his departure because all his business papers were in order – leaving most everything to the eight children to deal with. We also found out he had bought insurance for the youngest three and he always reminded us to take care of his only sibling – his sister – and our mother, of course. To take care of them, he left us a business that would handle their needs and everyday expenses. What a planner our father was.

But some people do not like to plan ahead as our father did. Some leave it to fate and some simply also just forget. I have a friend whose father was afflicted with Alzheimer’s or dementia, and he forgot where he had bank accounts. That is really sad as the family was clueless about his savings or trust accounts.

One question in Riva’s form says: “What is one of your greatest fears before your earthly life ends?” and it makes you think or ponder on what you are really scared about if you were to leave soon. That is something we all have to think about.

But what if you just had dementia and just cannot decide for yourself anymore? You still have to leave what they call “last directives.” Who can decide for you? Is it a sibling when there is no spouse or parent? Called advance directive, it is a legal document that provides instructions for your medical care and they take effect when you can no longer communicate your own wishes.

Sometimes, though, it can be temporary. I have a relative who could no longer decide and after a lot of prayers and time, she came back. But not everyone will be as lucky. So be prepared.

Another friend seems to have lost the ability to decide but who knows what the future brings. She may just return from this state to being normal again. In any case, while you can still read my columns, do prepare for the inevitable. You may not croak just yet, but you may lose the ability to give instructions or say your wishes if and when the final moments come, or if, as they say, “you have lost your mind,” what are the next steps? The body is around but the mind has wandered off.

With regards a full departure from this world, like physical death, we really need to make a plan or simply handwrite our wishes and tell a trusted person where they can find it. Riva’s book may be the answer for those who do not know where to start.

If these are too morbid for you, another friend gave me a book titled “The Story of My Life” – and it is blank. It is a journal type of book where you fill in milestones of your own life and there is space for you to write instructions for future use.

Why are we talking about death? Because it is inevitable and it is certain. The only problem is that people are scared to plan for it, generally speaking. I did write about making a will some years back, but some people never get around to doing it. And it only provides for when you are finally gone or in the other world. Nobody talks about being physically present but mentally incapable. So, this is where a living will is important.

But for my friend who is temporarily out of here, I pray each day that she comes back. Like my relative who came back from Parkinsonism aggravated by Covid, someone with Parkinson’s may just come back, too. She has not left a directive but she keeps whispering to me when I visit, “we have to talk.” That time will soon come and we will again plan for her future, brainstorm about her choices and this time, write her plan.

You do not even need a lawyer to write out your wishes. You just need to write it in your own handwriting, take a video that you did not do it under duress, get a witness who is a disinterested party and you are good to go. Leave samples of your handwriting (journals, letters, notes, etc.) that the authorities can compare the writings with. And finally, make sure someone knows where you have kept them.

Everyone will take this inevitable flight sometime. Prepare your travel documents, sooner rather than later.