What makes you happy?

As we mature or, as they say, become “more seasoned,” we have the liberty to choose the people we like to be with. That is the real privilege of age and maturity. We can say no without feeling guilty. We can choose to be casually-dressed and not feel inappropriate. We can choose to dismiss topics we find stressful and energy-consuming. Take time to reflect on what really gives you joy and makes you smile. You may soon realize it depends on which part of your life you are in – when you reminisce about what used to make you happy as a college student and what makes you happy now as a career person, executive or even as a weekend farmer.

I was just in another Asian country and noticed many entrepreneurs in their 40s who were into designer bags, shoes and clothes and then I saw an older lady who was just happy with her beautiful jewelry, and another with a house down the river who was just so happy having us pick fruits from her garden. Different strokes for different folks.

Upon arrival back home, I hied off to the coffee farm to meet some friends who are helping me clean our fruit and forest trees as well as our more common banana and coconut trees. What a joy to see two-year-old trees growing and bearing fruit! You may say, “What a bore!” as you see my joy in seeing ordinary trees. But to each his or her own. The joy is priceless and the feeling is indescribable.

With the world gone awry, you have to pull back, reflect on what you have as blessings and thank the Universe for good health, good food and a happy life.

What makes other people happy?

Power. No matter how they deny it, power is something that people aspire for. Power to rule, power to make decisions, power to do anything they want.

Popularity. Sometimes people just want to be known, recognized and rewarded or awarded by any body or any organization, to add to their laurels, awards, trophies and the like. Or have a lot of followers on social media.

Money. Until you find out it is not the answer to everything, money and having it helps a lot. Like they say, “If it can be solved by money, it is not a problem.” Only death and terminal sickness cannot be bought, we soon realize.

Recognition. Not just popularity, some wish to be mentioned, thanked and recognized for what they do even if they humbly say “I don’t do it to be recognized” – believe me, they do. This may not be an award, as this can simply be a mention from a peer or a higher being. The mention of one’s name is recognition.

Peace. To some, it is the quiet of anonymity, it is the quiet of a life away from the rest of society who love the pizazz and glamor.

I can go on and on as I like to observe what makes people happy. And sometimes, it is not any of the above reasons. Sometimes it is just a message from someone you have not heard from, a text or email from a long lost relative, sometimes it’s even from a parent or child you have been away from.

“Whatever floats your boat” is another popular saying to mean, let people be. Let them have fun in what they like to do, let them be happy no matter how shallow their reason may seem to us, or how mundane the reason for perceived happiness.

If you want to be happy, go with like-minded people whose idea of happiness is similar to yours. That’s my learning from the many years I have been meeting people from all walks of life. And be realistic that some friends will not mix well with others. Others like to talk about art and fashion, others wish to talk about trees and plants. Some will want to discuss politics (my least favorite topic) or economics and the Harvard Business Review. I listen. I do not need to engage in discourse when it comes to politics and religion.

As we mature or, as they say, become “more seasoned,” we have the liberty to choose the people we like to be with. That is the real privilege of age and maturity. We can say no without feeling guilty. We can choose to be casually-dressed and not feel inappropriate. We can choose to dismiss topics we find stressful and energy-consuming. We can choose not to “be like the Joneses” as the idiom so rightfully says.

So in this crazy world of COVID complications, heavy traffic and high gas prices, friends getting sick and sometimes even going ahead into the other life, we choose and we choose well. We choose what makes us happy. It could be a moderate-paying job, a happy family and a modest home. It could be a small business, a quiet unpopular reputation and a happy relationship. It could be a powerful position, popularity and the best fine dresses for some. In the end, we all go where we must go and we will recall how many people became happy because we lived.

So let us simplify. Rather than just think of what makes you happy, think also of what makes others happy. It could be your life of service, it could be that drink you shared with a stranger, or that meal you gave away to someone hungrier than you. It is not always about us but about others. Think about it.

So look away from the mirror and look at others, preferably strangers. Think about what could make them happy. It’s a good exercise in self-realization and self-actualization. Maybe it is what will really make you happy.

Meantime, let me go back to my trees and continue making them happy, too.