Wise words from Dolphy

"Kung ako ay papasok sa pulitika, isa lang ang ikinatatakot ko, dahil kapag nandun na ako, baka mapahiya lang ako kasi hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko, at sayang lang ang pagboto ng mga tao sa akin.”

(If I go into politics, one thing I’m afraid of is that when I’m already there, I might disgrace myself because I wouldn’t know what to do, and the people’s votes for me would be wasted).

Those famous words came from the late comedian Dolphy (real name: Rodolfo Vera Quizon, Sr.).

Unlike many elected public officials or those aspiring for public office, Dolphy had the good sense to know his limitations. And unlike them, the comedian had a high sense of propriety.

It would do well for people to remember a senator – who is not a comedian but acts like one – who was overheard telling his colleagues, “Sarap ng buhay! Ganito na lang tayo palagi (Life is sweet. We should be like this).” He said that after a videoconference necessitated by the pandemic quarantine.

This senator, who has a thick Visayan accent, is inarticulate in English.

The senator is much like his colleague, a movie actor-turned-governor-turned-senator, who admittedly doesn’t understand English and has to have an interpreter during deliberations.

Another senator, famous worldwide, had to have several people coaching him in whispers while he groped for English words to justify his proposal to make boxing an industry during an interpellation with Sen. Frank Drilon.

And yet this lawmaker wants to run for president. As the Ilocanos are wont to exclaim, “Ay, Apo (Oh, God)!”

Thanks to social media, the idiocies of these representatives of the people are exposed in public and preserved for posterity.

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The hoi polloi are looking forward to the election campaign period, which starts on Feb. 8 for national positions and March 25 for local ones.

It’s the masses’ turn to make a fool of any politician who has made fools of them for most of the years during the latter’s term of office.

Newbie politicians are also subjected to public ridicule by voters – by making them dance and sing on stage.

However, the more comical or clownish a politician makes himself or herself, the better he or she will be known. The people’s laughter will then be translated into votes at the polling booth.

Is it fair to say that we have no one to blame but ourselves for choosing these buffoons to hold responsible positions?

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During the US government-sponsored free election in Japan after World War II, some prostitutes were voted into office.

This made Gen. Douglas MacArthur, the military de facto governor general in Japan during that period, comment to his subordinates: “Wow, those women probably had so many clients!”

Or words to that effect, anyway.

In Italy, a prostitute, Ilona Staller, a.k.a. Cicciolina, was elected to the parliament in 1987.

While in office, Cicciolina offered to have sex with Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein “for peace in the Middle East.”

Pilipinas, di ka nag-iisa (Philippines, you’re not alone)!

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A Malacañang official, who is one of the administration’s possible members for its senatorial line-up, will likely sing and dance on stage on the campaign trail.

While singing, this official bounces up and down like a beach ball or chimpanzee.

This official has been called hariruki – rather unkindly – by netizens.

Hariruki is a made-up Japanese word which supposedly is someone so disgraced in everyone’s eyes and yet so clueless that he is the only one who does not know.

Oh, my goodness, and to think that high officials are supposed to give prestige to their positions!

But this guy will win a Senate seat. Who wants to bet with me?

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Don’t be too hasty about judging Julian Ongpin on the death of his girlfriend, artist Brenna “Bree” Jonson, in a room in a resort hotel in La Union.

The public is wont to make rash judgment on persons involved in highly publicized tragedies, especially if those involved are scions of prominent families.

The police have found no evidence so far of foul play in Bree’s death.

Jonson’s neck has ligature marks. Ligature marks are those made by cord, rope or other tools like it.

This jibes with Ongpin’s claim that Bree hanged herself in the bathroom.

Ongpin claims that the wounds he sustained on his arms and back were caused by him forcing open the door to the bathroom.

In short, Julian didn’t strangle his girlfriend.

Bree’s paintings may be considered disturbing. Some of them were of animals in unusual situations; for example, one was of a deer copulating with a dog which, in turn, is copulating with what looks like a large rat.

Julian’s father is former Trade Minister Roberto Ongpin and one of the country’s richest men.

Both Julian and Bree were found positive for cocaine use, according to investigators.

In other words, Julian may be charged with possession of an illegal drug, but not murder or homicide.

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Joke! Joke! Joke!

Here are reasons why a Filipino-American would find it difficult to become a US president: Air Force One would never carry overweight balikbayan boxes, or a stack of balikbayan boxes for the whole clan. State dinners don’t allow take-home leftovers, and you can’t bring a big shoulder bag with plastic containers, either. Secret Service staff wouldn’t respond to “pssst!” or “hoy, hoy, hoy!”

And finally: White House staff would never understand an order using pouting lips to point at something.