Guilt vs remorse

Many of us struggle with feelings of guilt and remorse. This is but natural to every human being and circumstances in life cause us to feel one way or the other. Having said this, and because we are only human, such feelings are normal.

But there is a big difference, however, between feeling guilty and being truly sorry. When we speak of guilt, and as Meriam Webster officially defines this, we pertain to feelings of deserving blame especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy.

Guilt therefore is an emotion that is focused very much on the self. It has everything to do with our values which in some way have been violated. More often than not, when we feel guilty, we also feel ashamed as the two come hand in hand.

Remorse, however, is very different as it looks deeper into one’s self for accountability. Remorse includes the admission of one’s mistake that leads to a sincere apology. It also includes the act of resolve – to take the steps to avoid doing the hurtful action again. Although we may feel guilty about doing something wrong, remorse takes a bigger leap which involves empathy especially when you cause others pain. Remorse comes with deep sorrow and although one may feel guilty while being remorseful, real remorse challenges us further to be more accountable for the things we have done wrong.

Simply put, when one feels remorse, it only means that the conscience is at work. Although remorse can be quite distressing, it gives each and every one of us a window of hope and that is to eventually right a wrong and make amends.

As parents, we teach our children the value of empathy by imparting to them that kindness matters. As we teach, we too model such kindness by showing them how important it is to relate with others, accept the differences of others and encourage others to be the best version of themselves.

None of us are perfect. I myself am so imperfect and even as I write this column, I too reflect on my own faults and how I can truly improve on myself.

If it is one thing that being sorry teaches me, it is the fact that people take time out to correct me.

Accountability comes with the ability to accept that each and every one of us is flawed. Painful as it may be to have others call us out on errors, at the end of the day, gratefulness helps us reflect on what we can improve especially when we are truly sorry for our actions.

Without blaming others, remorse comes only with a very simple realization – the fact that one was wrong. Taking this into account with the proper accountability helps every remorseful person better him or herself.

All it really takes is to admit one’s mistake.