What child is this…?

A few days after Christmas 2004, an infant was left at the doorstep of the Missionaries of Charity in Tondo, Manila.

The congregation founded by Mother Teresa (Saint Teresa of Calcutta) waited for the boy’s mother to show up, but she never did. As is usual in this predominantly Catholic country, the nuns named the boy after the saint whose feast day on Dec. 29 was being celebrated on the day he was left in their care: Thomas a Becket, the 12th century Saint Thomas of Canterbury.

While the nuns did not give up hope that the mother might yet show up, in the next months the infant drew the attention of a church-going regular visitor to the slums of Tondo: an American woman named Sharon.

She happened to be married to the top US diplomat in the Philippines at the time. Joseph Mussomeli was deputy chief of mission to Francis Ricciardone Jr. But amid the poll fraud and corruption scandals hounding the administration of Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, Ricciardone left in April 2005, and Washington seemed to take time assigning a full-fledged ambassador to Manila. So Joe Mussomeli was chargé d’affaires for several months until his departure to become US ambassador to Cambodia.

And Joe remembers being initially exasperated that at his age, with his children all grown, and with the heavy responsibilities of being Washington’s top representative in the Philippines, his wife had not only taken a liking to an infant, but wanted to adopt the boy.

For about 16 Sundays, Sharon would bring the boy to their official residence in Makati, in hopes of getting Joe to warm up to the infant.

Joe recalls telling his wife: “Why, Sharon, why? We have two children already. We have finally gotten rid of them both! We are finally free to relax, to travel, to sleep late if we want, to do whatever we want, whenever we want! Why? Why do you keep bringing that baby home every Sunday?”

*      *      *

But in Washington shortly after his Senate confirmation hearing as ambassador, Joe thought of his wife in tears each time she returned the boy to Tondo on Sundays. Joe recalls visiting the congregation’s Manila office once: “Over 70 children being tended by a few nuns in one of the filthiest places on Earth. They had one faucet and they had all the babies packed into two rooms about the size of average living rooms.”

He told Sharon he was ready to be a father again.

Shortly afterwards, Joe remembers a moment at past midnight when he was exhausted after a long day, and he decided to check on Thomas in the crib “to make sure the baby was still breathing.”

Looking down at his new son, Joe recalls: “Thomas was still awake, but so quiet. What a strange child! The baby looked up with his unusually large, black eyes and reached out his arms. No crying, no fussing. Just arms outstretched to his father.”

Joe took the child in his arms. Five hours later he still could not put the baby down.

Joe, a career diplomat, is now retired from the Foreign Service after his final assignment as ambassador to Slovenia.

Today Thomas, age 14, is a straight A freshman student at Bishop O’Connell High School in Virginia, where the Mussomelis have settled upon Joe’s retirement. Thomas, who celebrates his birthday on Nov. 14, has loved drawing and painting since he was three.

The Mussomelis have a standing offer to accompany Thomas to the land of his birth and help him find his mother. But the boy, Joe told me, is “ambivalent” about meeting his biological mother or even returning to the Philippines.

Thomas told Joe: “Dad, I’m just a little curious. But don’t worry, Dad. You are my only family. You have always taken care of me and that is what family is.” 

*      *      *

Apart from the emotional complexities, formal adoption is a tortuous process in this country, especially if the prospective adoptive parents are foreigners and the biological mother of the child is known or believed to be alive.

Social welfare officials have told me in the past that the process should be made easier because there are many children who have been orphaned, or with relatives unknown or unwilling or unable to take them in. Children put up for adoption can benefit from being placed with new families at a tender age.

Adoption becomes more difficult if politics gets in the way. In Thomas’ case, a wicked witch from the west put roadblocks along the path of the Mussomelis. I had wanted to write their story back in 2005, but I was worried that publicity could make the process even more difficult for them.

Fortunately, the Mussomelis made many friends in the Philippines even before Joe became America’s top diplomat. They all helped to block the spell cast by the evil witch.

In the end, Joe and Sharon bade goodbye to the Philippines, as adoptive parents of a Filipino baby boy. Joe even received the highest state honor conferred on foreign diplomats in this country, the Order of Sikatuna.

Joe remembers his email to his wife when he finally agreed to adopt Thomas: “A child is a gift. We should not refuse a gift.”

*      *      *

May you all have peace and joy this Christmas!